Saturday, October 12, 2013
The Kiss
The Kiss
As I have mentioned in previous blogs, there were some advantages to attending a small high school.
It was possible to participate in any of the schools activities. All that was required was to be breathing fairly regularly.
Our high school (long ago replaced by a new building) had a unique auditorium. The seating was normal, but at the front of the seating was an orchestra pit. Beyond that, was a full size basketball court. This floor was also used for such school event as musicals, thespian productions, sports activities, graduation exercises or as a podium for visiting dignitaries. There were curtains that could be drawn to create a background for these events. For basketball games the curtains were completely withdrawn.
During my senior year in high school I decided to participate in several stage plays that were produced by Mrs. Oaks; the speech, drama, debate and civics teacher. Not that I had any acting ability, it was just that a body was needed to complete the cast. With one exception, I cannot remember any of the several plays in which I performed. However, that one exception was a real doozy that I will always remember.
As usual, I had a fairly minor role. I can remember only the final scene. There were three couples standing on the stage. The main male and female stars were standing at the front center of the stage.
Then two of the minor couples were standing on the back sides of the stage. At the end of the final scene, all three of these couples were to kiss. I was a partner in one of the minor couples. As the time for the kiss fast approached, the devil started to place unrighteous thoughts in my mind. Such thoughts as: "I'm going to make this an honest Hollywood type kiss." After all, I had worked as a projectionist at the local movie theater and I had learned all about Hollywood kisses.
So when the time arrived, I grabbed my female partner and gave here a kiss. The problem was this kiss turned into a long, strait from Hollywood, type kiss. My female partner was completely surprised. She quickly started to end this kiss but I just held her tight. She tried to turn her head but I just wouldn't let go. Some in the audience started to snicker. This caused the two other couples to turn around to see what was causing the snickering. The rest of the caste started to peek through the curtain to see what was going on. Some in the audience started to cheer. Mrs. Oaks, kept whispering as loud as possible for the front curtain to be closed. The boy who was the assigned curtain closer was so intrigued with the kiss that he failed to close the curtain. By now the audience was all standing and cheering at the top of their lungs. My female partner acted as if she was furious. She was pounding at my ribs and making noises that sound suspiciously like curses.
I finally brought this kiss to an end when I spotted my partner's boy friend coming down the isle with a look on his face that was not the least Christian like. It was time to leave. I released my partner, but had to quickly dodge a wild right attempt to clobber me. I burst through the rear wall of the set, ran across the basketball court and out the back door. I kept a very low appearance during the rest of the weekend.
I would like to say that I received many date invitations from female classmates. Actually I received nothing but looks of loathing and contempt during the following week.
Grandpa's wisdom - Aphorism, a short pointed sentence that expresses a wise or clever observation or a general truth.
The nicest thing about the future is . . . that it always starts tomorrow.
Money will buy a fine dog ... but only kindness will make him wag his tail
If you don't have a sense of humor ... you probably don't have any sense at all.
Seat belts are not as confining ... as wheelchairs.
A good time to keep your mouth shut is ... when you're in deep water.
How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark... to become a teenager who
wants to stay out all night?
Business conventions are important ... because they demonstrate how many people a company can
operate without.
Why is it that at class reunions ... you feel younger than everyone else looks?
Scratch a cat (or dog)... and you will have a permanent job.
No one has more driving ambition than the teenage boy (or girl)... who wants to buy a car.
There are no new sins ... the old ones just get more publicity.
There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 a.m. ...like, it could be the right
number.
No one ever says "It' only a game"...when their team is winning.
I've reached the age where ... "happy hour" is a nap.
Be careful about reading the fine print...there's no way you're going to like it.
The trouble with bucket seats is that ... no everybody has the same size bucket.
Do you realize that, in about 40 years... we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with
tattoos?
Money can't buy happiness ... but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Cadillac than in a Yugo.
After 60, if you don't wake up aching in every joint ... you're probably dead.
Always be yourself because the people that matter don't mind ... and the ones that mind don't matter.
Life isn't tied with a bow ... but it's still a gift.
Remember, politicians and diapers should be changed often and for the same reason.
Sunday, October 6, 2013
Just a Mom
A woman, renewing her driver's license at the County Clerk's office, was asked by the woman recorder to state her occupation.
She hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself.
"What I mean is," explained the recorder, do you have a job or are you just a . . . . . ???
"Of course I have a job," snapped the woman, "I'm a Mom."
"We don't list 'Mom' as an occupation. 'housewife' covers it, said the recorder emphatically.
I forgot all about her story until one day I found myself in the same situation, this time at our own Town Hall. The Clerk was obviously a career woman, poised, efficient, and possessor of a high sounding title like "Official Interrogator" or "Town Registrar".
"What is your occupation?" she probed.
What made me say it? I do not know . . . the words simply popped out. "I'm a Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations."
The clerk paused, ball-point pen frozen in midair, and looked up as though she had not heard right.
I repeated the title slowly emphasizing the most significant words. Then I stared with wonder as my pronouncement was written, in black ink on the official questionnaire
"Might I ask," said the clerk with a new interest, "just what you do in your field?"
Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice, I heard myself reply. "I have a continuing program of research (what mother doesn't) in the laboratory and in the field, (normally I would have said indoors and out). I'm working for Masters (first the Lord and then the whole family) and already have four credits (all daughter). Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities, ( any mother care to disagree?) and I often work 14 hours a day, (24 is more like it). But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill career jobs and the rewards are more of a satisfaction rather than just money."
There was an increasing note of respect in the clerk's voice as she completed the form, stood up, and personally ushered me to the door.
As I drove into our driveway, buoyed up by my glamorous new career, I was greeted by my lab assistants - ages 13, 7, and 3. Upstairs I could hear our new experimental model (a six month old baby boy) in the child development program, testing out a new vocal pattern. I had scored a beat on bureaucracy! And I had gone on the official records as someone more distinguished and indispensable to mankind than "just another Mom."
Motherhood! What a glorious career! Especially when there's a title on the door. Does this make grandmothers, "Senior Research Associates in the field of Child Development and Human Relations.
And great grandmothers "Executive Senior Research Associates?" I think so!!!
I also think it makes Aunts "Associates Research Assistants."
Grandpa's wisdom: I like the about story. Every mother in the Hatch family ancestry should us these new titles.
Grandpa's humor:
I just read the best BAD NEWS - GOOD NEWS I've seen in a long time.
Bed News: We're being invaded by Martians
Good News: They eat politicians and Pee Gasoline.
She hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself.
"What I mean is," explained the recorder, do you have a job or are you just a . . . . . ???
"Of course I have a job," snapped the woman, "I'm a Mom."
"We don't list 'Mom' as an occupation. 'housewife' covers it, said the recorder emphatically.
I forgot all about her story until one day I found myself in the same situation, this time at our own Town Hall. The Clerk was obviously a career woman, poised, efficient, and possessor of a high sounding title like "Official Interrogator" or "Town Registrar".
"What is your occupation?" she probed.
What made me say it? I do not know . . . the words simply popped out. "I'm a Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations."
The clerk paused, ball-point pen frozen in midair, and looked up as though she had not heard right.
I repeated the title slowly emphasizing the most significant words. Then I stared with wonder as my pronouncement was written, in black ink on the official questionnaire
"Might I ask," said the clerk with a new interest, "just what you do in your field?"
Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice, I heard myself reply. "I have a continuing program of research (what mother doesn't) in the laboratory and in the field, (normally I would have said indoors and out). I'm working for Masters (first the Lord and then the whole family) and already have four credits (all daughter). Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities, ( any mother care to disagree?) and I often work 14 hours a day, (24 is more like it). But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill career jobs and the rewards are more of a satisfaction rather than just money."
There was an increasing note of respect in the clerk's voice as she completed the form, stood up, and personally ushered me to the door.
As I drove into our driveway, buoyed up by my glamorous new career, I was greeted by my lab assistants - ages 13, 7, and 3. Upstairs I could hear our new experimental model (a six month old baby boy) in the child development program, testing out a new vocal pattern. I had scored a beat on bureaucracy! And I had gone on the official records as someone more distinguished and indispensable to mankind than "just another Mom."
Motherhood! What a glorious career! Especially when there's a title on the door. Does this make grandmothers, "Senior Research Associates in the field of Child Development and Human Relations.
And great grandmothers "Executive Senior Research Associates?" I think so!!!
I also think it makes Aunts "Associates Research Assistants."
Grandpa's wisdom: I like the about story. Every mother in the Hatch family ancestry should us these new titles.
Grandpa's humor:
I just read the best BAD NEWS - GOOD NEWS I've seen in a long time.
Bed News: We're being invaded by Martians
Good News: They eat politicians and Pee Gasoline.
Saturday, October 5, 2013
An imperfect memo
During my first semester at the University of Utah, one of my classes was a business
communications class. The professor had made the following statement: "The goal of any written communication is not to assure that the reader understands, but rather to assure that the reader does not misunderstand". Well, Duh, that seemed like an obvious statement. Am I spending $92.00 per semester to be taught the obvious.
But, shortly after the class, I remembered an experience that occurred during my senior year in high school that confirmed the wisdom of the professor's statement.
Joan, (my very special girlfriend) and I were discussing during a Friday night date, what we could do the next day that would be exciting. I suggested that we drive to Steamboat Springs, Colorado and spend the day at their Olympic size swimming pool. Dick, my cousin and his girl friend thought the idea was great and we all arranged to go the next day which was Saturday.
Joan obtained approval from her mother to use her car for this trip with the promise that she would return on the same day. However, Dick and his girlfriend backed out on Friday night. But Joan and I decided to move on with these great and glorious plans. Steamboat Springs is 166 miles from Vernal. We decided to leave early Saturday morning so we could spend most of the day swimming and enjoying the sun.
When I returned home after my Friday night date with Joan, my mother was already sound asleep. I wrote a note to her telling her my plans for the next day. The note read: "Mom, Joan and I are going to Steamboat Springs and we'll be back tomorrow night". Mom didn't realize that I had written the not the night before and "tomorrow night" referred to Saturday.
The following morning mother arose early and quickly spotted the note. After reading the note, she immediately broke into a mother's protection mode. She screamed at my dad to wake up. "Glen and Joan have gone to Colorado and won't be back until tomorrow. That means they will be sleeping together somewhere in Colorado." In a panic she called Joan's mother asking what she knew about our plans. Joan's mother reassured her that we were good kids and would be back unscathed today.
Meanwhile, there was bad news when we reached Steamboat Spring. The swimming pool was closed for an annual maintenance. All entrances to the pool were securely locked. Since we had left Vernal very early in the morning it was only 8:30 a.m. What do we do now. After a short discussion we did what any teen-agers would do. We decided to drive on to Denver, another 180 miles. When we reached Denver, we did absolutely nothing. We drove the length of Colfax Ave. through Denver and then stopped for gasoline and turned around and started home. Holy Moly, I'm embarrassed to enter this blog. I can't believe I was such a stupid teen-ager.
When I entered the house late that evening, my mother was still waiting for me. I received a prolonged lecture about how I had caused her unmerciful misery. I said, "But mom, I left you a note that said we would be home tomorrow. We then discussed further whether tomorrow meant Saturday or Sunday. However mom was so relieved for my return with my virtue still intact she soon forgave me.
One final note: Joan and I thoroughly enjoyed that long day. We were together for almost twenty-four hours and it was wonderful.
Grandpa's humor - For those who have spend too much time in a doctor's office.
Kevin walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Kevin said: 'Shingles.' So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.
Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Kevin what he had .... Kevin said, 'Shingles.'
So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told Kevin to wait in the examining room.
A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Kevin what he had. Kevin said 'Shingles'. So the nurse gave Kevin a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Kevin to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.
An hour later the doctor came in and found Kevin sitting patiently in the nude and asked Kevin what he had.
Kevin said 'Shingles.' The doctor asked where?'
Kevin said "outside on the truck Where do you want me to unload 'em??
You might be a Mormon
If all your dishes have your name written on them with masking tape.
If you postdate your checks while shopping on Sunday.
If you believe Heck is the place for people who do not believe in gosh.
If your Mom was pregnant at your sister's wedding reception.
If you pray that your food might "nourish and strengthen your body" before eating doughnuts.
If you think Jell-O is one of the basic food groups.
If at least one of your salad bowls is at a neighbor's house.
Have a happy day!
Friday, September 6, 2013
A Humongous senior sluff
All names in this story are fictional. You'll understand why as you read on:
Our high school had a very enjoyable tradition. On a single day in the Spring, and before school
closed for summer break, the school allowed the senior class to completely cut a day from class attendance. This day was identified as the "Senior Slough." (pronounced sluff ) The senior class officers would decide where and how we would celebrate this free day. This group of class officers decided to spend the day traveling from our high school to Steamboat Spring, Colorado. The reason for this choice was that Steamboat Springs had a large Olympic size swimming pool. Our home town swimming pool was the size of the closest irrigation ditch. The distance to Steamboat Springs is 166 miles. The school said they would positively not furnish a school bus for such a trip.
Back to the Senior Sluff planning committee. The committee was getting very discouraged. No one could solve the transportation problem. Finally, Hank, who was the son of a cattle rancher asked. "Would the 85 class members consider riding to and from Steamboat Springs in a cattle truck?" He further explained that his father would furnish one of his cattle trucks and the only cost would be the cost of the diesel fuel. For all you non-country readers, a cattle truck is usually a 40 foot long flatbed trailer with racks installed around the perimeter of the flat bed to keep the cattle from falling off the truck.
After some discussion, one of the committee members said, "Hey, that sounds fun. Lets do it. And thus the travel problem was solved. The "senior sluff" was on go.
On the designated day of departure, the cattle truck arrived at the high school for loading of the cattle.
(oops) for the loading of the senior class members. Unfortunately, the truck did not depart in a blaze of glory. Every non-senior student was standing on the front lawn "mooing" and commenting how healthy this load of cattle looked. Some of the Junior class boys were commenting about how cute some of the heifers were. Every derogative comment ever invented was hurled at the departing seniors. But who cared, the seniors were on their way to glory.
The group arrived at the Steamboat Springs community swimming pool in a windblown, sunburned condition. The manager of the swimming pool had reserved the pool for this group for the entire day.
Into the dressing room they stormed and in a short time all were in the swimming pool. All except Cristy. To finish this story a description of Cristy is required.
Cristy was a fairly attractive young lady. However she did have one feature that was outstanding. (No pun intended) That feature was her bosom. She was well endowed. Whenever Cristy came to school in a one-size too small sweater, the boys all began salivating and the girls became green with envy. Cristy was the last person to immerge from the dressing room. She had chosen a two piece swim suit than was slightly more modest than a bikini. She ran and screamed "Canon ball" and jumped into infamy.
The flimsiness of the swim suit and the force of the water tore the top of the swim suit off her body.
Now for the most amazing part of the story. Evidently Cristy wanted to be certain that every one became aware of the size of her bosom. To assure this, Cristy had placed two falsie's in her swim suit top. When Cristy entered the water, the force of the water tore the top of her swim suit from her body and two falsies popped out and began bobbing around in the water. Poor Cristy! Picture this! She is in the deep end of the swimming pool; one hand is at her back holding the swim suit top in place; she is attempting to swim with one hand to recover the escaped falsies, and with each lunge at one of the falsies, it would be forced just beyond her reach.
Cristy clumsily climbed out of the swimming pool and ran sobbing into the dressing room. I had to smile when one of students who was on the Sluff told me this story. However, I felt sorrow for Cristy and the humiliation she felt. I hoped she finally reaches a point in her life when she can forget or even smile at the occasion.
Now for the best part of the story. The girls in this class quickly responded. As a group they entered the dressing room and surrounded Cristy. Every girl expressed their love and support for Cristy. They acknowledged the sorrow they felt for Cristy and how embarrassed they knew she felt. They told Crist that the boys felt the same way. The encouraged Crist to just forget the events and join the class members. They encouraged Cristy to forget that it ever happened and not a one of them would ever mention it in the future. Eventually Cristy displayed enough strength and courage to return to the group at the swimming pool.
I was so proud of Cristy's classmates as the gave Cristy comfort and strength to outlast a very humiliating experience.
Grandpa's wisdom concerning the perks of being over 83.
Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
People call at 9 P.M. and ask, "Did I wake you?"
There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
Things you buy now won't wear out.
You can eat dinner at 4 P.M.
You enjoy hearing about other peoples operations.
You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
You sing along with elevator music.
Your eyes won't get much worse.
Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
You can't remember who sent you this.
Our high school had a very enjoyable tradition. On a single day in the Spring, and before school
closed for summer break, the school allowed the senior class to completely cut a day from class attendance. This day was identified as the "Senior Slough." (pronounced sluff ) The senior class officers would decide where and how we would celebrate this free day. This group of class officers decided to spend the day traveling from our high school to Steamboat Spring, Colorado. The reason for this choice was that Steamboat Springs had a large Olympic size swimming pool. Our home town swimming pool was the size of the closest irrigation ditch. The distance to Steamboat Springs is 166 miles. The school said they would positively not furnish a school bus for such a trip.
Back to the Senior Sluff planning committee. The committee was getting very discouraged. No one could solve the transportation problem. Finally, Hank, who was the son of a cattle rancher asked. "Would the 85 class members consider riding to and from Steamboat Springs in a cattle truck?" He further explained that his father would furnish one of his cattle trucks and the only cost would be the cost of the diesel fuel. For all you non-country readers, a cattle truck is usually a 40 foot long flatbed trailer with racks installed around the perimeter of the flat bed to keep the cattle from falling off the truck.
After some discussion, one of the committee members said, "Hey, that sounds fun. Lets do it. And thus the travel problem was solved. The "senior sluff" was on go.
On the designated day of departure, the cattle truck arrived at the high school for loading of the cattle.
(oops) for the loading of the senior class members. Unfortunately, the truck did not depart in a blaze of glory. Every non-senior student was standing on the front lawn "mooing" and commenting how healthy this load of cattle looked. Some of the Junior class boys were commenting about how cute some of the heifers were. Every derogative comment ever invented was hurled at the departing seniors. But who cared, the seniors were on their way to glory.
The group arrived at the Steamboat Springs community swimming pool in a windblown, sunburned condition. The manager of the swimming pool had reserved the pool for this group for the entire day.
Into the dressing room they stormed and in a short time all were in the swimming pool. All except Cristy. To finish this story a description of Cristy is required.
Cristy was a fairly attractive young lady. However she did have one feature that was outstanding. (No pun intended) That feature was her bosom. She was well endowed. Whenever Cristy came to school in a one-size too small sweater, the boys all began salivating and the girls became green with envy. Cristy was the last person to immerge from the dressing room. She had chosen a two piece swim suit than was slightly more modest than a bikini. She ran and screamed "Canon ball" and jumped into infamy.
The flimsiness of the swim suit and the force of the water tore the top of the swim suit off her body.
Now for the most amazing part of the story. Evidently Cristy wanted to be certain that every one became aware of the size of her bosom. To assure this, Cristy had placed two falsie's in her swim suit top. When Cristy entered the water, the force of the water tore the top of her swim suit from her body and two falsies popped out and began bobbing around in the water. Poor Cristy! Picture this! She is in the deep end of the swimming pool; one hand is at her back holding the swim suit top in place; she is attempting to swim with one hand to recover the escaped falsies, and with each lunge at one of the falsies, it would be forced just beyond her reach.
Cristy clumsily climbed out of the swimming pool and ran sobbing into the dressing room. I had to smile when one of students who was on the Sluff told me this story. However, I felt sorrow for Cristy and the humiliation she felt. I hoped she finally reaches a point in her life when she can forget or even smile at the occasion.
Now for the best part of the story. The girls in this class quickly responded. As a group they entered the dressing room and surrounded Cristy. Every girl expressed their love and support for Cristy. They acknowledged the sorrow they felt for Cristy and how embarrassed they knew she felt. They told Crist that the boys felt the same way. The encouraged Crist to just forget the events and join the class members. They encouraged Cristy to forget that it ever happened and not a one of them would ever mention it in the future. Eventually Cristy displayed enough strength and courage to return to the group at the swimming pool.
I was so proud of Cristy's classmates as the gave Cristy comfort and strength to outlast a very humiliating experience.
Grandpa's wisdom concerning the perks of being over 83.
Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
People call at 9 P.M. and ask, "Did I wake you?"
There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
Things you buy now won't wear out.
You can eat dinner at 4 P.M.
You enjoy hearing about other peoples operations.
You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
You sing along with elevator music.
Your eyes won't get much worse.
Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
You can't remember who sent you this.
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
A near expulsion from high school
17 years old, 1947
My favorite classes during high school were those taught by Stella H. Oaks. Mrs. Oaks was a widow and the mom of Dallin H. Oaks, a future Utah Supreme Court Justice and a member of the Twelve Apostles of the LDS Church. Dallin was in the same grade as Joan.
Mrs. Oaks taught civics, theatre, speech, debate etc. and in my senior year I was taking a speech class from her. This class was taught in the speech room that was a room about 30 feet long. At the end of the room was an elevated miniature stage. The stage had a curtain that could be drawn and the students used the stage to rehearse plays.
I arrived at class a little late on a particular day and upon entering noted that Mrs. Oaks was not in the room. The curtain was drawn and I could hear conversation from behind the curtain and assumed that some of the students were preparing a presentation.
As I sat enjoying myself doing nothing, one of the students backed against the curtain and bent over so that their rear end made a large bump in the curtain. This was too much for me to resist and I succumbed to the temptation placed before me. In other words, "the Devil made me do it." I went up, walked up to the curtain, and hit that protruding rear end with all my strength. There was a surprise sound from behind the curtain and I immediately realized that I had made a very poor decision. I had located the missing Mrs. Oaks. That protruding rear end was attached to her.
The room became deadly silent. I could visualize in my mind Mrs. Oaks bursting through the curtain and screaming, "Whoever did that will never graduate from this high school." But nothing happened. I slunk back to my seat. Every student in the class sat with their mouths open. They were in absolute awe of my stupidity and had an expression of complete disgust on their face. Mrs. oaks didn't leave the stage for about fifteen minutes and I suffered terrible feelings of guilt and doom during the entire fifteen minutes. I think that was the reason she stayed on the stage for so long. When she finally came out she didn't say a thing and acted as if the entire event had never happened.
Well, I learned an eternal truth that day which is: Never smack someone on the rear end unless you know to whom that rear end is attached.
Grandpa's thoughts about growing old.
I've sure gotten old. I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, and new knees. I fought prostate cancer and diabetes I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. I have bouts with dementia, have poor circulation, hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. I can't remember if I'm 83 or 92. I have lost all my friends, but thank God, I still have my driver's license.
An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. "Wal-Mart? the preacher exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?" "Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week."
Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up.
Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old because you stop laughing.
My favorite classes during high school were those taught by Stella H. Oaks. Mrs. Oaks was a widow and the mom of Dallin H. Oaks, a future Utah Supreme Court Justice and a member of the Twelve Apostles of the LDS Church. Dallin was in the same grade as Joan.
Mrs. Oaks taught civics, theatre, speech, debate etc. and in my senior year I was taking a speech class from her. This class was taught in the speech room that was a room about 30 feet long. At the end of the room was an elevated miniature stage. The stage had a curtain that could be drawn and the students used the stage to rehearse plays.
I arrived at class a little late on a particular day and upon entering noted that Mrs. Oaks was not in the room. The curtain was drawn and I could hear conversation from behind the curtain and assumed that some of the students were preparing a presentation.
As I sat enjoying myself doing nothing, one of the students backed against the curtain and bent over so that their rear end made a large bump in the curtain. This was too much for me to resist and I succumbed to the temptation placed before me. In other words, "the Devil made me do it." I went up, walked up to the curtain, and hit that protruding rear end with all my strength. There was a surprise sound from behind the curtain and I immediately realized that I had made a very poor decision. I had located the missing Mrs. Oaks. That protruding rear end was attached to her.
The room became deadly silent. I could visualize in my mind Mrs. Oaks bursting through the curtain and screaming, "Whoever did that will never graduate from this high school." But nothing happened. I slunk back to my seat. Every student in the class sat with their mouths open. They were in absolute awe of my stupidity and had an expression of complete disgust on their face. Mrs. oaks didn't leave the stage for about fifteen minutes and I suffered terrible feelings of guilt and doom during the entire fifteen minutes. I think that was the reason she stayed on the stage for so long. When she finally came out she didn't say a thing and acted as if the entire event had never happened.
Well, I learned an eternal truth that day which is: Never smack someone on the rear end unless you know to whom that rear end is attached.
Grandpa's thoughts about growing old.
I've sure gotten old. I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, and new knees. I fought prostate cancer and diabetes I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. I have bouts with dementia, have poor circulation, hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. I can't remember if I'm 83 or 92. I have lost all my friends, but thank God, I still have my driver's license.
An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. "Wal-Mart? the preacher exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?" "Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week."
Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up.
Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old because you stop laughing.
Some serious dating - 1948
I was completely captivated by a cute little high school sophomore. We had our first date at the end of the previous school year and we continued to date throughout the summer. We both had model 22 rifles, and many times on Sunday afternoons we would drive to one of the many prairie dog settlements located around Vernal to determine who was the best shot.
Prairie Dogs are very inquisitive. When we would first arrive at the their settlement they would quickly dive down into their holes. However, all we had to do was whistle or yell and all the heads would pop up out of their holes to investigate the sound. We could then have target practice shooting at those little heads. I was a good shot and Joan was even better. We both took a shot and there were two dead prairie dogs.
We both looked at each other with very guilty expressions. Without any prompting we both stated that we would never shoot another prairie dog. And we never did.
However we did not stop shooting. We just gathered up all the empty bottles we could find and then drove to the Green River. We would throw these bottles into the river and use the bottles as targets. We felt a lot better about this type of target practice. Joan was still the best shot.
The only car I had available for dating was an old 1935 Ford sedan. I've described that car in a previous blog. Every fender had a serious dent; the hub caps were all missing; the seats were all ragged and worst of all, the roof leaked. The location of the leak was over the drivers head. Wouldn't you know it, during the first date I had with Joan that summer, it started to rain. Joan stayed dry but I was completely wet. I had to return to my home and change clothes. Without any prompting, on all our subsequent dates, Joan would leave her home with an umbrella or a large magazine just in case, we ran into rain.
Grandpa's wife's favorite song.
These are lyrics of a country western song by Jo Stafford
When I was a single girl, I dressed in silks so fine. Now I am a married girl, go ragged all the time.
Wish I was a single girl again.
When I was a single girl, every day was fun. Now I am a married girl, work is never done.
Wish I was a single girl again.
When I was a single girl, I ate cherry pie. Now I am a married girl, and eat corn bread or die.
Wish I was a single girl again.
When I was a single girl, I had shoes of the very best kind. Now I am a married girl, go barefoot all the time.
Wish I was a single girl again.
When I was a single girl, I traveled all around. Now I am a married girl, can't even get to town.
Wish I was a single girl again.
When I was a single girl, used to go to the store and buy. Now I am a married girl, just rock the cradle and cry.
Wish I was a single girl again.
When a fella comes a 'courtin' you, and sits you on his knee, keep your eye upon the sparrow that flits from tree to tree.
And you'll never have to wish, you were a single girl; like me.
Wish I was a single girl again.
Grandpa's all-time favorite joke:
Two elderly couples met as they were out enjoying an evening walk. The man of the first couple said to the second couple: "MY wife and I went out to dinner last night and we thoroughly enjoyed our selves. The food was excellent, the ambience was comfortable and the prices were fair."
The other man asked, "What's the name of the restaurant?
The first man bowed his head, closed his eyes, scratched his head and thought seriously, (he obviously couldn't remember the name. He finally asked, "What's the name of that flower which has such beautiful blossoms and grows on a long stem that has thorns on it?"
The other man said, "Rose?"
The first man said, "That's it! Then turning to his wife said, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"
Prairie Dogs are very inquisitive. When we would first arrive at the their settlement they would quickly dive down into their holes. However, all we had to do was whistle or yell and all the heads would pop up out of their holes to investigate the sound. We could then have target practice shooting at those little heads. I was a good shot and Joan was even better. We both took a shot and there were two dead prairie dogs.
We both looked at each other with very guilty expressions. Without any prompting we both stated that we would never shoot another prairie dog. And we never did.
However we did not stop shooting. We just gathered up all the empty bottles we could find and then drove to the Green River. We would throw these bottles into the river and use the bottles as targets. We felt a lot better about this type of target practice. Joan was still the best shot.
The only car I had available for dating was an old 1935 Ford sedan. I've described that car in a previous blog. Every fender had a serious dent; the hub caps were all missing; the seats were all ragged and worst of all, the roof leaked. The location of the leak was over the drivers head. Wouldn't you know it, during the first date I had with Joan that summer, it started to rain. Joan stayed dry but I was completely wet. I had to return to my home and change clothes. Without any prompting, on all our subsequent dates, Joan would leave her home with an umbrella or a large magazine just in case, we ran into rain.
Grandpa's wife's favorite song.
These are lyrics of a country western song by Jo Stafford
When I was a single girl, I dressed in silks so fine. Now I am a married girl, go ragged all the time.
Wish I was a single girl again.
When I was a single girl, every day was fun. Now I am a married girl, work is never done.
Wish I was a single girl again.
When I was a single girl, I ate cherry pie. Now I am a married girl, and eat corn bread or die.
Wish I was a single girl again.
When I was a single girl, I had shoes of the very best kind. Now I am a married girl, go barefoot all the time.
Wish I was a single girl again.
When I was a single girl, I traveled all around. Now I am a married girl, can't even get to town.
Wish I was a single girl again.
When I was a single girl, used to go to the store and buy. Now I am a married girl, just rock the cradle and cry.
Wish I was a single girl again.
When a fella comes a 'courtin' you, and sits you on his knee, keep your eye upon the sparrow that flits from tree to tree.
And you'll never have to wish, you were a single girl; like me.
Wish I was a single girl again.
Grandpa's all-time favorite joke:
Two elderly couples met as they were out enjoying an evening walk. The man of the first couple said to the second couple: "MY wife and I went out to dinner last night and we thoroughly enjoyed our selves. The food was excellent, the ambience was comfortable and the prices were fair."
The other man asked, "What's the name of the restaurant?
The first man bowed his head, closed his eyes, scratched his head and thought seriously, (he obviously couldn't remember the name. He finally asked, "What's the name of that flower which has such beautiful blossoms and grows on a long stem that has thorns on it?"
The other man said, "Rose?"
The first man said, "That's it! Then turning to his wife said, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"
Thursday, August 1, 2013
A dreaded history lesson.
1946-47 16 years old.
This is one of the very few history blogs I intend to publish. Please don't click off! There were so many memorable events during 1946 and I was just becoming aware of world events.You may be interested in some of these events even though they are old, old history.
May 1946 - President Truman seized control of the nation's railroads, delaying a threatened strike by engineers and trainmen. A strike at that time would have disrupted the industrial recovery from war production to peace production. Most presidents since Truman's presidency would never have done such a thing because of concern of losing the union votes.
Oct. 1946 - Ten Nazi war criminals condemned during the Nuremberg trials were hanged.
Sept. 1946 - 22 top Nazi leaders were found guilty of war crimes and most of these were put to death.
April, 1946 - The Japanese commander responsible for the 65-mile Bataan Death March, was executed outside Manila in the Philippines.
Mar. 1946 - Winston Churchill delivered his speech that was later known as the "Iron Curtain Speech."
Feb. 1946 - a press conference was held to introduce what is considered the first computer, The Electronic Numerical Integrator and Calculator (ENIAC) The computer took up an entire room, weighed 30 tons and used more than 18,000 vacuum tubes. It could count from 1 to 5000 in one second. It cost $450,000 and was designed by the U. S. Army during WW II to make artillery calculations.
May 1946 - The first commercial computer was transported from Sperry Univac Corp. to the Bureau of Census. It took two truck semi-trailers to carry the computer.
June 1946 - The US Supreme Court ruled that race separation on buses is unconstitutional. This decision stemmed from the 1944 incident when Irene Morgan was jailed for refusing to give up her bus seat.
July 1946 - The Bikini bathing suit made its debut during a fashion show in Paris. The designer named the suit after the atom bomb test on the Bikini Atoll. He said he wanted his design to have a similar explosive affect. According to New York Times columnist, William Safire, the swimsuit caused more debate, concern and condemnation than the atomic bomb.
July 1946, - The final Japanese internment camps located in Calif. and Utah were closed. This ended a terrible decision by President Roosevelt to remove US citizens with a Japanese ancestry from their homes in California and place them in internment camps away from the Pacific Coast. Most of these citizens had been born in the U.S.
1946 - Beginning in 1946 and continuing through 1970, some 62,000 steel drums of nuclear waste were dumped into both the Pacific and Atlantic oceans. In 1976 EPA scientists reported that they had discovered plutonium in the ocean sediment off the San Francisco coast and east of Ocean City, Maryland.
1946 - a chemist at Lorillard Tobacco Company reported to his superiors that the use of tobacco contributes to cancer development.
Dec. 1946 - Frank Capra's "It's a Wonderful LIfe", premiered in NYC.
Costs in 1946-47
Average cost of a new house $6,600.
Average wages per year $2,850
Average cost of a new car $1,300
Cost of a gallon of gas 15 cents
Cost of a loaf of bread 13 cents
U.S. postage stamp 3 cents
However, by far the most important historical event of 1946 for me was, my first date with Joan DeJournette. That was a memory never tobe forgotten..
Grandpa's Humor
I recently wrote the following letter to the IRS: Dear IRS, I am writing to you to cancel my subscription, Please remove my name from your mailing list.
I haven't heard from them yet, but Joan recently complained that every time she used the phone she hears a lot of clicking sounds in the background.
Two more groaners:
Back in the 1800's the Tates Watch Company of Massachusetts wanted to produce other products and decided to market compasses for the pioneers traveling west. It turned out that although their watches were of finest quality, their compasses were so bad that people often ended up in Canada or Mexico rather than California. This, of course, is the origin of the expression; "He who has a Tates is lost!"
Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers. However, all the league records were unfortunately destroyed in a fire. Thus we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.
Happy groaning. I love yw'all
This is one of the very few history blogs I intend to publish. Please don't click off! There were so many memorable events during 1946 and I was just becoming aware of world events.You may be interested in some of these events even though they are old, old history.
May 1946 - President Truman seized control of the nation's railroads, delaying a threatened strike by engineers and trainmen. A strike at that time would have disrupted the industrial recovery from war production to peace production. Most presidents since Truman's presidency would never have done such a thing because of concern of losing the union votes.
Oct. 1946 - Ten Nazi war criminals condemned during the Nuremberg trials were hanged.
Sept. 1946 - 22 top Nazi leaders were found guilty of war crimes and most of these were put to death.
April, 1946 - The Japanese commander responsible for the 65-mile Bataan Death March, was executed outside Manila in the Philippines.
Mar. 1946 - Winston Churchill delivered his speech that was later known as the "Iron Curtain Speech."
Feb. 1946 - a press conference was held to introduce what is considered the first computer, The Electronic Numerical Integrator and Calculator (ENIAC) The computer took up an entire room, weighed 30 tons and used more than 18,000 vacuum tubes. It could count from 1 to 5000 in one second. It cost $450,000 and was designed by the U. S. Army during WW II to make artillery calculations.
May 1946 - The first commercial computer was transported from Sperry Univac Corp. to the Bureau of Census. It took two truck semi-trailers to carry the computer.
June 1946 - The US Supreme Court ruled that race separation on buses is unconstitutional. This decision stemmed from the 1944 incident when Irene Morgan was jailed for refusing to give up her bus seat.
July 1946 - The Bikini bathing suit made its debut during a fashion show in Paris. The designer named the suit after the atom bomb test on the Bikini Atoll. He said he wanted his design to have a similar explosive affect. According to New York Times columnist, William Safire, the swimsuit caused more debate, concern and condemnation than the atomic bomb.
July 1946, - The final Japanese internment camps located in Calif. and Utah were closed. This ended a terrible decision by President Roosevelt to remove US citizens with a Japanese ancestry from their homes in California and place them in internment camps away from the Pacific Coast. Most of these citizens had been born in the U.S.
1946 - Beginning in 1946 and continuing through 1970, some 62,000 steel drums of nuclear waste were dumped into both the Pacific and Atlantic oceans. In 1976 EPA scientists reported that they had discovered plutonium in the ocean sediment off the San Francisco coast and east of Ocean City, Maryland.
1946 - a chemist at Lorillard Tobacco Company reported to his superiors that the use of tobacco contributes to cancer development.
Dec. 1946 - Frank Capra's "It's a Wonderful LIfe", premiered in NYC.
Costs in 1946-47
Average cost of a new house $6,600.
Average wages per year $2,850
Average cost of a new car $1,300
Cost of a gallon of gas 15 cents
Cost of a loaf of bread 13 cents
U.S. postage stamp 3 cents
However, by far the most important historical event of 1946 for me was, my first date with Joan DeJournette. That was a memory never tobe forgotten..
Grandpa's Humor
I recently wrote the following letter to the IRS: Dear IRS, I am writing to you to cancel my subscription, Please remove my name from your mailing list.
I haven't heard from them yet, but Joan recently complained that every time she used the phone she hears a lot of clicking sounds in the background.
Two more groaners:
Back in the 1800's the Tates Watch Company of Massachusetts wanted to produce other products and decided to market compasses for the pioneers traveling west. It turned out that although their watches were of finest quality, their compasses were so bad that people often ended up in Canada or Mexico rather than California. This, of course, is the origin of the expression; "He who has a Tates is lost!"
Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers. However, all the league records were unfortunately destroyed in a fire. Thus we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.
Happy groaning. I love yw'all
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
High School Football
17 year old, 1947
High school basketball season was over. Once again we failed to win the district title. It was still an enjoyable season because I was one of the starting guards on the team. After the basketball season was over, the football coach asked me to "try out" for the football team. Since only about 15 players had tried out for the football team, the football coach desperately needed more members on the team. He convinced me that I was all-state material as an end. I thought that was a fairly accurate analysis so I agreed to try out for the team.
Because all of the high schools in our district had limited student enrollment, the district played 6-man football rather than 11-man football. These six men consisted of the center and two ends on the line and the quarter back and two running backs behind the line.
Two memories of the "try-out" are still imbedded deeply in my mind even after sixty-five years. The coach divided his "squad" into two lines facing each other. These lines were about ten yards apart. When the coach blew his whistle the players at the front of each line would run together at top speed with one objective in mind - KILL! If you couldn't kill then you should certainly maim. After this collision was over, each player staggered to the end of the line to anxiously await his turn to repeat another collision. It was jolly good fun and brought out all the praiseworthy football character traits such as gouging and kicking and spitting and cussing.
Actually, I only had to survive about three of these collisions, because I found myself lying on the ground suffering from severe "charley horses" (in both legs at the same time). I wanted to scream in pain but intuitively knew that football players are not supposed to scream. They just lie there and "suck it up".
That was only the beginning. The coach informed us that during the length of the football season we were to live a very Spartan life. I didn't know what that meant but it sounded romantic. He continued his instructions and informed us that we could not eat ice cream or date girls and we had to be in bed by 9:00 p.m. (our own beds). I'm not kidding. It was OK to talk to girls but only in the hallway between class changes.
Well I proudly survived "try-outs" and was now an official member of the Uintah High School football team. It was at this time that a terrifying thought came into my mind. Basketball season had lasted about four months. Football season would now last about two months. This meant that for the final two months of my senior year in high school, I couldn't date Joan. Even more serious, I couldn't eat ice cream. A decision was required. I could seek fame and fortune on the football field at Uintah High School or I could date Joan and eat ice cream. I made my choice in about one Nano-second and took an early retirement from football.
GRANDPA'S WISDOM
Making correct decisions in this life is very important. Following are some bad decisions that can result in severe consequences:
Pick up a mountain lion cub because you don't see the mother around.
Pull a squirt gun on a Los Angeles cop for a joke.
Wear white linen to a barbecue.
Offer to carry a nervous Arab's suitcase on an airplane.
Underestimate the length of your Bungee cord.
Remember, marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
Another "Stella Award"
A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania, $113,500. after she slipped on a soft drink and broke her tailbone. The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boy friend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.
That's when the fight began:
I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.
I take my wife everywhere --- but she keeps finding her way back.
High school basketball season was over. Once again we failed to win the district title. It was still an enjoyable season because I was one of the starting guards on the team. After the basketball season was over, the football coach asked me to "try out" for the football team. Since only about 15 players had tried out for the football team, the football coach desperately needed more members on the team. He convinced me that I was all-state material as an end. I thought that was a fairly accurate analysis so I agreed to try out for the team.
Because all of the high schools in our district had limited student enrollment, the district played 6-man football rather than 11-man football. These six men consisted of the center and two ends on the line and the quarter back and two running backs behind the line.
Two memories of the "try-out" are still imbedded deeply in my mind even after sixty-five years. The coach divided his "squad" into two lines facing each other. These lines were about ten yards apart. When the coach blew his whistle the players at the front of each line would run together at top speed with one objective in mind - KILL! If you couldn't kill then you should certainly maim. After this collision was over, each player staggered to the end of the line to anxiously await his turn to repeat another collision. It was jolly good fun and brought out all the praiseworthy football character traits such as gouging and kicking and spitting and cussing.
Actually, I only had to survive about three of these collisions, because I found myself lying on the ground suffering from severe "charley horses" (in both legs at the same time). I wanted to scream in pain but intuitively knew that football players are not supposed to scream. They just lie there and "suck it up".
That was only the beginning. The coach informed us that during the length of the football season we were to live a very Spartan life. I didn't know what that meant but it sounded romantic. He continued his instructions and informed us that we could not eat ice cream or date girls and we had to be in bed by 9:00 p.m. (our own beds). I'm not kidding. It was OK to talk to girls but only in the hallway between class changes.
Well I proudly survived "try-outs" and was now an official member of the Uintah High School football team. It was at this time that a terrifying thought came into my mind. Basketball season had lasted about four months. Football season would now last about two months. This meant that for the final two months of my senior year in high school, I couldn't date Joan. Even more serious, I couldn't eat ice cream. A decision was required. I could seek fame and fortune on the football field at Uintah High School or I could date Joan and eat ice cream. I made my choice in about one Nano-second and took an early retirement from football.
GRANDPA'S WISDOM
Making correct decisions in this life is very important. Following are some bad decisions that can result in severe consequences:
Pick up a mountain lion cub because you don't see the mother around.
Pull a squirt gun on a Los Angeles cop for a joke.
Wear white linen to a barbecue.
Offer to carry a nervous Arab's suitcase on an airplane.
Underestimate the length of your Bungee cord.
Remember, marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
Another "Stella Award"
A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania, $113,500. after she slipped on a soft drink and broke her tailbone. The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boy friend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.
That's when the fight began:
I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.
I take my wife everywhere --- but she keeps finding her way back.
Friday, July 12, 2013
High School Basketball
15 years old. - 1945
In my Sophomore year in high school, I tried out and made the junior varsity basketball team. I not only made the team but was a starting guard. I thought I was on the verge of becoming the next great "basketball player in the NBA."
In reality, I was not a very good athlete. In a small high school, it was possible to participate in most any activity i.e. sports, school plays, debate team and school government. The only requirement needed was that you were breathing fairly regularly. But it was a fun experience and making the team was great for my ego. It was fun traveling to the other high schools in the district. The junior varsity games were played prior to the varsity game.
Several of the schools in the district did not have a full size basketball gym. Alterra High School not only had a small gym but the basketball hoop at one end of the floor was hung directly on the wall. This meant that if a player was driving for a basket he would shoot the ball and then in the same motion extend both hands to protect himself from crashing face first into the wall. Also in this wall was a set of double-doors located directly under the hoop.
Albert Lopez, one of the stars on the varsity team, had stolen the ball and was driving at full speed for a lay-up He shot the ball and then quickly extended his hands and hit the set of doors at top speed. The doors crashed open and Albert went speeding out into the parking lot. Since this occurred during the winter, and the parking lot was unpaved there was nothing but mud. Albert rolled over a couple of times and then ended up on his rear-end. He was literally covered with mud from head to foot and his uniform was so muddy, you couldn't tell for which team he was playing. The game was halted while Albert was taken into the dressing room and washed down with a hose. A new uniform was obtained from one of the junior basketball team players and the game was eventually continued. What a humorous event. I still laugh whenever I think of an event that occurred almost sixty years ago. I guess I'll die laughing.
The Stella Awards -
The Stella Awards are named after 81 year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonald's. That case inspired the Stella Award for the most frivolous, ridiculous, successful lawsuits in the United States.
This weeks Stella Award -
Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded $80,000, by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandable surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving little toddle was Ms.. Robertson's son.
I'm helping my neighbor solve his problems:
He reports that he takes his wife everywhere but she keeps finding her way back.
He says they always hold hands. If he lets go, she shops.
He says his wife told him the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor When he asked were the car was; she told him "In the lake.".
Grandpa's wisdom: Things I've learned in my old age:
Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
In my Sophomore year in high school, I tried out and made the junior varsity basketball team. I not only made the team but was a starting guard. I thought I was on the verge of becoming the next great "basketball player in the NBA."
In reality, I was not a very good athlete. In a small high school, it was possible to participate in most any activity i.e. sports, school plays, debate team and school government. The only requirement needed was that you were breathing fairly regularly. But it was a fun experience and making the team was great for my ego. It was fun traveling to the other high schools in the district. The junior varsity games were played prior to the varsity game.
Several of the schools in the district did not have a full size basketball gym. Alterra High School not only had a small gym but the basketball hoop at one end of the floor was hung directly on the wall. This meant that if a player was driving for a basket he would shoot the ball and then in the same motion extend both hands to protect himself from crashing face first into the wall. Also in this wall was a set of double-doors located directly under the hoop.
Albert Lopez, one of the stars on the varsity team, had stolen the ball and was driving at full speed for a lay-up He shot the ball and then quickly extended his hands and hit the set of doors at top speed. The doors crashed open and Albert went speeding out into the parking lot. Since this occurred during the winter, and the parking lot was unpaved there was nothing but mud. Albert rolled over a couple of times and then ended up on his rear-end. He was literally covered with mud from head to foot and his uniform was so muddy, you couldn't tell for which team he was playing. The game was halted while Albert was taken into the dressing room and washed down with a hose. A new uniform was obtained from one of the junior basketball team players and the game was eventually continued. What a humorous event. I still laugh whenever I think of an event that occurred almost sixty years ago. I guess I'll die laughing.
The Stella Awards -
The Stella Awards are named after 81 year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonald's. That case inspired the Stella Award for the most frivolous, ridiculous, successful lawsuits in the United States.
This weeks Stella Award -
Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded $80,000, by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandable surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving little toddle was Ms.. Robertson's son.
I'm helping my neighbor solve his problems:
He reports that he takes his wife everywhere but she keeps finding her way back.
He says they always hold hands. If he lets go, she shops.
He says his wife told him the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor When he asked were the car was; she told him "In the lake.".
Grandpa's wisdom: Things I've learned in my old age:
Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
The war became more personal
The war continues:
The war in Europe against Germany and the war in the Pacific against Japan continues to grind on. More and more gold stars appear in windows throughout the community. One of those stars particularly affected me. Word was received that Howard Manwaring had been killed in action in the invasion of Okinawa.
Howard was my hero. I was in the eighth grade when Howard was a senior in high school. Our high school, (Uintah High School), had won the region basketball championship. Howard was one of the stars on that team.
During the war, the state tournaments for football and basketball had been discontinued. So regions had been established throughout the state. Uintah High School won our region.
One time when I was fourteen years old, I was playing basketball with some friends on the school yard after school. Howard came along and wanted to play with us. Here was this high school senior who had recently been the star of the team that won the region championship and he wanted to play with a bunch of fourteen year old boys. We were all honored. He chose me and said that the two of us would play against the other four or five boys. I was so impressed that he wanted to play with younger boys and even more impressed that he had chosen me to be on his team.
The day after he graduated from high school, Howard joined the Marines. A few months later he was killed in action during the invasion of Okinawa.
At that early age I became aware of the stupidity and uselessness of wars. Unfortunately, the few that cause wars seldom have to personally participate in the wars they create.
Grandpa's creative writing awards.
The best lengthy vampire romance sentence - Slowly, wordlessly, Della gazed into Edwin's dark eyes and wondered if a human could ever learn to live with a vampire, and Edwin ... solemnly, deliberately, without any discernible movement ... looked into Della's eyes and wondered if his family would ever accept a mortal, while Jason, in the audience, looked at his watch again and wondered if an occasional bubble screen pass to the running back would help eliminate the predictability of the Colt's offense. - Richard Nash
The Best Reality Check sentence. - Upon reaching middle age he found that he cold afford to eat pizza anytime that he wanted, only to find that he could not afford to eat pizza anytime that he wanted. - Al Syers
The Best Happiest Dilemma sentence - The question in the village was not so much who would marry merry Mary as who would merry Mary marry? - Robert Layton
The Best Sweepstakes winner - Josh had committed the perfect murder . . . no witnesses, no known links to the victim, an air-tight alibi with dozens of highly respected people, and the victim's body disposed of inside an active volcano ... and he was absolutely certain that he would get away with it, according to his twitter.
latest tweet. Mark Vernon
The war in Europe against Germany and the war in the Pacific against Japan continues to grind on. More and more gold stars appear in windows throughout the community. One of those stars particularly affected me. Word was received that Howard Manwaring had been killed in action in the invasion of Okinawa.
Howard was my hero. I was in the eighth grade when Howard was a senior in high school. Our high school, (Uintah High School), had won the region basketball championship. Howard was one of the stars on that team.
During the war, the state tournaments for football and basketball had been discontinued. So regions had been established throughout the state. Uintah High School won our region.
One time when I was fourteen years old, I was playing basketball with some friends on the school yard after school. Howard came along and wanted to play with us. Here was this high school senior who had recently been the star of the team that won the region championship and he wanted to play with a bunch of fourteen year old boys. We were all honored. He chose me and said that the two of us would play against the other four or five boys. I was so impressed that he wanted to play with younger boys and even more impressed that he had chosen me to be on his team.
The day after he graduated from high school, Howard joined the Marines. A few months later he was killed in action during the invasion of Okinawa.
At that early age I became aware of the stupidity and uselessness of wars. Unfortunately, the few that cause wars seldom have to personally participate in the wars they create.
Grandpa's creative writing awards.
The best lengthy vampire romance sentence - Slowly, wordlessly, Della gazed into Edwin's dark eyes and wondered if a human could ever learn to live with a vampire, and Edwin ... solemnly, deliberately, without any discernible movement ... looked into Della's eyes and wondered if his family would ever accept a mortal, while Jason, in the audience, looked at his watch again and wondered if an occasional bubble screen pass to the running back would help eliminate the predictability of the Colt's offense. - Richard Nash
The Best Reality Check sentence. - Upon reaching middle age he found that he cold afford to eat pizza anytime that he wanted, only to find that he could not afford to eat pizza anytime that he wanted. - Al Syers
The Best Happiest Dilemma sentence - The question in the village was not so much who would marry merry Mary as who would merry Mary marry? - Robert Layton
The Best Sweepstakes winner - Josh had committed the perfect murder . . . no witnesses, no known links to the victim, an air-tight alibi with dozens of highly respected people, and the victim's body disposed of inside an active volcano ... and he was absolutely certain that he would get away with it, according to his twitter.
latest tweet. Mark Vernon
Sunday, July 7, 2013
Exit from the Boy Scouts
While I was a Boy Scout I only went to one real honest to goodness Boy Scout camp. After that I was invited to not attend any future camps. And all because the inhabitants of our tent didn't outline the path to our tent with rocks. We felt that anyone who got close enough to our tent to see it, should be able to reach the door of the tent without the path being outlined with rocks.
I was staying in a tent with my cousin, Dick Hullinger, and my next door neighbor, Jim Montgomery. The camp was located in a beautiful national forest and the camp was about the size of a football field. Someone had built a log fence completely around the campsite. This fence wove through and around the trees and was about six feet high. Since the fence was built of logs in a horizontal arrangement we soon discovered that it was fun to walk along the top of the fence. We invented all kinds of games to play as we walked around the top of the entire fence. We soon started to use our timing watch to determine who could walk the fastest around the fence. It was even more fun to attempt to knock each other off the fence.
There were about five troops involved in this particular scout camp. Each troop was in competition with the other troops in such events as sports, map reading, building towers, and most important, camp cleanliness. We had a very good troop and were in a tight race for the total camp championship. All the scouts in our troop had been warned that it was very important each morning to roll up our sleeping bags and pick up any garbage in and around our tents. As a final touch that would ensure that our troop would win the championship, we were to outline the path to our tent door with a border of rocks.
On the final day of the camp, Jim, Dick and I prepared our breakfast of delivcous corn flakes. We had been arguing about who was the best fence walker. We knew that we should be outlining our path but felt that we had enough time to determine once and for all who was the best. Out of our tent and onto the fence we climbed leaving behind unrolled sleeping bags, dirty dishes, and no rocks along the path.
When we returned some twenty minutes later, there was our scout master, our troop leaders, and the second counselor in the Bishopric. They did not seem happy to see us and told us in unchristian like terms, that we were three slobs. They said we had disgraced the troop. While we were gone, the camp inspectors had inspected our tent. They said we had reached a new level of slovenliness. One of our pristine troop members said that if cleanliness is next to Godliness, then slovenliness is next to Satan. We were the cause of our troop not winning the grand championship. We were declared persona non grata at next years scout camp. It was several years before I finally learned what persona non grata meant. But I had a pretty good idea.
I guess if there is a moral to this story it is: When your camp leader tells you to put rocks along the path, don't look at him like he has rocks in his head; just do it. Some tunes you can hum while doing this are: Rock of Ages, I am a Rock, I"m caught between a rock and a hard place; Rock A Bye Baby; and We will, we will rock you.
Grandpa's health advice -
Yesterday I went to the doctor for my yearly physical. My blood pressure was high. My cholesterol was high. I'd gained some weight and I didn't feel so hot.
My doctor said eating right doesn't have to be complicated and it would solve most physical problems. He said: "Just think in colors. Fill you plate with bright colors. Try some greens, oranges, reds, maybe something yellow, etc."
So I went right home and ate an entire bowl of
M & M's
And, Sure Enough.
I felt better immediately!! I never knew eating right could be so easy!!
Now stay healthy, eat your colors and have a nice day.
I was staying in a tent with my cousin, Dick Hullinger, and my next door neighbor, Jim Montgomery. The camp was located in a beautiful national forest and the camp was about the size of a football field. Someone had built a log fence completely around the campsite. This fence wove through and around the trees and was about six feet high. Since the fence was built of logs in a horizontal arrangement we soon discovered that it was fun to walk along the top of the fence. We invented all kinds of games to play as we walked around the top of the entire fence. We soon started to use our timing watch to determine who could walk the fastest around the fence. It was even more fun to attempt to knock each other off the fence.
There were about five troops involved in this particular scout camp. Each troop was in competition with the other troops in such events as sports, map reading, building towers, and most important, camp cleanliness. We had a very good troop and were in a tight race for the total camp championship. All the scouts in our troop had been warned that it was very important each morning to roll up our sleeping bags and pick up any garbage in and around our tents. As a final touch that would ensure that our troop would win the championship, we were to outline the path to our tent door with a border of rocks.
On the final day of the camp, Jim, Dick and I prepared our breakfast of delivcous corn flakes. We had been arguing about who was the best fence walker. We knew that we should be outlining our path but felt that we had enough time to determine once and for all who was the best. Out of our tent and onto the fence we climbed leaving behind unrolled sleeping bags, dirty dishes, and no rocks along the path.
When we returned some twenty minutes later, there was our scout master, our troop leaders, and the second counselor in the Bishopric. They did not seem happy to see us and told us in unchristian like terms, that we were three slobs. They said we had disgraced the troop. While we were gone, the camp inspectors had inspected our tent. They said we had reached a new level of slovenliness. One of our pristine troop members said that if cleanliness is next to Godliness, then slovenliness is next to Satan. We were the cause of our troop not winning the grand championship. We were declared persona non grata at next years scout camp. It was several years before I finally learned what persona non grata meant. But I had a pretty good idea.
I guess if there is a moral to this story it is: When your camp leader tells you to put rocks along the path, don't look at him like he has rocks in his head; just do it. Some tunes you can hum while doing this are: Rock of Ages, I am a Rock, I"m caught between a rock and a hard place; Rock A Bye Baby; and We will, we will rock you.
Grandpa's health advice -
Yesterday I went to the doctor for my yearly physical. My blood pressure was high. My cholesterol was high. I'd gained some weight and I didn't feel so hot.
My doctor said eating right doesn't have to be complicated and it would solve most physical problems. He said: "Just think in colors. Fill you plate with bright colors. Try some greens, oranges, reds, maybe something yellow, etc."
So I went right home and ate an entire bowl of
M & M's
And, Sure Enough.
I felt better immediately!! I never knew eating right could be so easy!!
Now stay healthy, eat your colors and have a nice day.
Thursday, June 20, 2013
Learning to Drive
13 years old, 1943.
When I was thirteen years old, I started to drive the family car. The reason my father let me drive at such a young age was that my mother did not drive at all. Since Dad was working long hours, I was elected to chauffeur my mother whenever she needed to run necessary errands. Also, my father owned and operated a small grocery store. Many of his customers were older and did their grocery shopping over the telephone. They would call the store and request that the groceries be delivered. Since the store was a one-man operation, I was allowed to drive the car and deliver the groceries. My father had checked with Sammy Hatch, (who was the Utah State Highway Patrolman in Uintah and Duchesne counties in Utah),.as to whether a special driving permit could be obtained. The answer was no! There was not a special permit available. However, Sammy said he would not give me a ticket, but warned dad that if I was involved in an accident, it would be my fault even if it wasn't. So I started to drive, and I was delighted.
Our car was a 1935 Ford sedan. Because of the war, new automobiles were not available. All automobile production plants had been converted to the production of military vehicles. Let me describe this car: It had mechanical brakes rather than hydraulic brakes. This meant that much more pressure had to be put on the brake pedal and it took much longer to stop the car. Also, it did not have sealed-beam headlights. With these old type headlights, the beam would just barely reach over the front fenders. Part of the roof of this car was rag top, meaning that the top of the car was not all sheet metal. A big portion of the roof had a cloth covering. Over the years this covering had worn out and whenever it rained, the driver received a free shower. It was similar to sitting under a water fall. Also, the car did not have an automatic transmission. So in addition to avoiding telephone poles, it was necessary to shift gears manually to get the car moving or to go up over any incline in the road. I quickly discovered that the top speed was about 65 MPH and at that speed all kinds of interesting shakes and rumbles occurred. I also learned that there were few if any other cars on the road that were not faster. That didn't prevent me from challenging them. But who cared, I was still permitted to drive our car.
Good or Bad Economy?
I don't believe the government when they say our economy is on the verge of becoming good. I have my own method of evaluating our economy. The following indicators plainly show that the economy is bad, bad, bad!
1- I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail
2- I ordered a burger at McDonald's and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford it?"
3- McDonald's is now selling the 1/4 ouncer.
4- Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.
5- Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.
6- A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.
7- Motel Six won't leave the lights on anymore.
8- I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings retirement funds, etc. I called the Suicide Lifeline. I got a call center in Pakistan, and when I said I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked it I could drive a truck.
9- Congress says they are looking into the Bernard Madocc scandal. Oh Great!! The guy who made $50 billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!
10- The Secret Service scandal was discovered when a disagreement on how much a prostitute wanted for her services came to light. She wanted $800.00. The Secret Service Agent offered $30.00. How ironic is it that the only parson in Washington willing to cut spending gets fired?
An Old Farmer's Advice
Meanness don't jes' happen overnight.
Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.
Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen anyway.
Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't botherin' you none.
Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
A true statement - or so they say. - Lead cups were used to drink ale or whiskey in the 1500's. The combination would sometimes knock them out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a "wake".
Another groaner - A man rushed into the doctor's office and shouted, "Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!" The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll just have to be a little patient."
When I was thirteen years old, I started to drive the family car. The reason my father let me drive at such a young age was that my mother did not drive at all. Since Dad was working long hours, I was elected to chauffeur my mother whenever she needed to run necessary errands. Also, my father owned and operated a small grocery store. Many of his customers were older and did their grocery shopping over the telephone. They would call the store and request that the groceries be delivered. Since the store was a one-man operation, I was allowed to drive the car and deliver the groceries. My father had checked with Sammy Hatch, (who was the Utah State Highway Patrolman in Uintah and Duchesne counties in Utah),.as to whether a special driving permit could be obtained. The answer was no! There was not a special permit available. However, Sammy said he would not give me a ticket, but warned dad that if I was involved in an accident, it would be my fault even if it wasn't. So I started to drive, and I was delighted.
Our car was a 1935 Ford sedan. Because of the war, new automobiles were not available. All automobile production plants had been converted to the production of military vehicles. Let me describe this car: It had mechanical brakes rather than hydraulic brakes. This meant that much more pressure had to be put on the brake pedal and it took much longer to stop the car. Also, it did not have sealed-beam headlights. With these old type headlights, the beam would just barely reach over the front fenders. Part of the roof of this car was rag top, meaning that the top of the car was not all sheet metal. A big portion of the roof had a cloth covering. Over the years this covering had worn out and whenever it rained, the driver received a free shower. It was similar to sitting under a water fall. Also, the car did not have an automatic transmission. So in addition to avoiding telephone poles, it was necessary to shift gears manually to get the car moving or to go up over any incline in the road. I quickly discovered that the top speed was about 65 MPH and at that speed all kinds of interesting shakes and rumbles occurred. I also learned that there were few if any other cars on the road that were not faster. That didn't prevent me from challenging them. But who cared, I was still permitted to drive our car.
Good or Bad Economy?
I don't believe the government when they say our economy is on the verge of becoming good. I have my own method of evaluating our economy. The following indicators plainly show that the economy is bad, bad, bad!
1- I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail
2- I ordered a burger at McDonald's and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford it?"
3- McDonald's is now selling the 1/4 ouncer.
4- Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.
5- Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.
6- A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.
7- Motel Six won't leave the lights on anymore.
8- I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings retirement funds, etc. I called the Suicide Lifeline. I got a call center in Pakistan, and when I said I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked it I could drive a truck.
9- Congress says they are looking into the Bernard Madocc scandal. Oh Great!! The guy who made $50 billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!
10- The Secret Service scandal was discovered when a disagreement on how much a prostitute wanted for her services came to light. She wanted $800.00. The Secret Service Agent offered $30.00. How ironic is it that the only parson in Washington willing to cut spending gets fired?
An Old Farmer's Advice
Meanness don't jes' happen overnight.
Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.
Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen anyway.
Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't botherin' you none.
Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
A true statement - or so they say. - Lead cups were used to drink ale or whiskey in the 1500's. The combination would sometimes knock them out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a "wake".
Another groaner - A man rushed into the doctor's office and shouted, "Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!" The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll just have to be a little patient."
Saturday, June 15, 2013
Joining the Boy Scouts
1943, 13 years old
My church supported the Boy Scouts and in fact sponsored a troop in the Boy Scouts. Joining seemed to be the thing to do since all my friends were active in this troop. The entry level to the Scouts was designated as the Tenderfoot level. After you achieved certain goals you were promoted from a Tenderfoot scout to a Second-class scout, and beyond that to a First-class scout, then to a Star scout and finally to an Eagle Scout.
When you became an Eagle scout your parents made a big fuss about how special you were and gave you all kinds of privileges that were untouchable before.
One of the challenges a Tenderfoot scout was given was to start a campfire using only two matches and no paper. This was fairly easy if you had even a minimum amount of patience. Unfortunately, I was not on a first name relationship with patience. So, off to my scoutmaster's home I went to start a fire with only two matches.
He left me alone in his back yard to start the fire. I quickly gathered something that looked like it would burn and used the first match. No success. I didn't even get some smoke. Well, I thought, it will certainly catch fire with the second match. No sir, it didn't. I had come to the test with a good supply of extra matches in my pocket so continued to use the third, fourth, fifth and sixth matches. Still no fire. At this time I realized that I would have to do what I had been taught in scouting: i.e.gather a small amount of dried grass or small shavings of wood or small pieces of anything else that would quickly catch fire. I finally did this and in no time at all I had created a very healthy fire.
When the scoutmaster returned, there was a roaring fire and he asked me if I had used more than two matches. "Yes", I replied, " I used seven or eight" The scoutmaster seemed to be impressed with my honesty and said because I had told the truth, he would pass me even if I had used too many matches. He suggested that I obtain a automatic cigarette lighter and carry it with me if at any time in the future I was hiking into a wilderness area on a cold winter day.
If Biblical Headlines were written by today's liberal Media.
On David vs. Goliath: - Hate Crime Kills Beloved Champion. Psychologist questions influence of rock.
On Red Sea crossing: - Wetlands trampled in labor strike. Pursuing environmentalists killed.
On Elijah on Mt. Carmel: - Fire sends religious right extremist into frenzy. 400 killed.
On the Birth of Christ: - Hotels full; Animals left homeless.
At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and she said, "Johnny, what is the matter?" Little J. responded, "I have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife."
Grandpa's wisdom: You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing!
The Feds haven't found a way to tax us for laughing. But I'm certain they will soon come us with something.
My church supported the Boy Scouts and in fact sponsored a troop in the Boy Scouts. Joining seemed to be the thing to do since all my friends were active in this troop. The entry level to the Scouts was designated as the Tenderfoot level. After you achieved certain goals you were promoted from a Tenderfoot scout to a Second-class scout, and beyond that to a First-class scout, then to a Star scout and finally to an Eagle Scout.
When you became an Eagle scout your parents made a big fuss about how special you were and gave you all kinds of privileges that were untouchable before.
One of the challenges a Tenderfoot scout was given was to start a campfire using only two matches and no paper. This was fairly easy if you had even a minimum amount of patience. Unfortunately, I was not on a first name relationship with patience. So, off to my scoutmaster's home I went to start a fire with only two matches.
He left me alone in his back yard to start the fire. I quickly gathered something that looked like it would burn and used the first match. No success. I didn't even get some smoke. Well, I thought, it will certainly catch fire with the second match. No sir, it didn't. I had come to the test with a good supply of extra matches in my pocket so continued to use the third, fourth, fifth and sixth matches. Still no fire. At this time I realized that I would have to do what I had been taught in scouting: i.e.gather a small amount of dried grass or small shavings of wood or small pieces of anything else that would quickly catch fire. I finally did this and in no time at all I had created a very healthy fire.
When the scoutmaster returned, there was a roaring fire and he asked me if I had used more than two matches. "Yes", I replied, " I used seven or eight" The scoutmaster seemed to be impressed with my honesty and said because I had told the truth, he would pass me even if I had used too many matches. He suggested that I obtain a automatic cigarette lighter and carry it with me if at any time in the future I was hiking into a wilderness area on a cold winter day.
If Biblical Headlines were written by today's liberal Media.
On David vs. Goliath: - Hate Crime Kills Beloved Champion. Psychologist questions influence of rock.
On Red Sea crossing: - Wetlands trampled in labor strike. Pursuing environmentalists killed.
On Elijah on Mt. Carmel: - Fire sends religious right extremist into frenzy. 400 killed.
On the Birth of Christ: - Hotels full; Animals left homeless.
At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and she said, "Johnny, what is the matter?" Little J. responded, "I have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife."
Grandpa's wisdom: You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing!
The Feds haven't found a way to tax us for laughing. But I'm certain they will soon come us with something.
Women's Spec. sheet
I don't know who wrote this article about women. If I did know, I would certainly give them credit. You may have already read this, but it's so special, it won't hurt to read it again.
By the time the Lord made Woman, he was into his sixth day of working overtime. An angel appeared and said, "Why are you spending so much time on this one?" And the Lord answered, "Have you seen the spec. sheet on her?"
"She has to be completely washable, but not plastic, have over 200 parts, all replaceable, run on diet coke and leftovers, have a lap that can hold four children at one time, have a kiss that can cure anything from scraped knee to a broken heart and have two pairs of hands."
The angel was astounded at the requirements. "Two pairs of hands! No way! And that's just on the standard model? That's too much work for one day. Wait until tomorrow to finish."
"But I can't," the Lord said. "I am so close to finishing this creation that is so close to my own heart. She already heals herself when she is sick AND can work 18 hour days."
The angel moved closer and touched the woman. "But you have made her so soft, Lord." "She is soft," the Lord agreed, "but I have also made her tough. You have no idea what she can endure or accomplish."
"Will she be able to think," asked the angel. The Lord replied, "Not only will she be able to think, she will be able to reason and negotiate."
The angel then noticed something, and reaching out, touched the woman's cheek. "Oops, it looks like you have a leak in this model. I told you that you were trying to put too much into this one." "That's not a leak," the Lord corrected, "that's a tear!" What's the tear for?" the angel asked.
The Lord said, "The tear is her way of expressing her joy, her sorrow, her pain, her disappointment, her love, her loneliness, her grief and her pride."
The angel was impressed. "you are a genius, Lord. You thought of everything! Woman is truly amazing."
And she is! Women have strengths that amaze men.
* They bare hardships and they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy.
* They smile when they want to scream.
* They sing when they want to cry.
* They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous.
* They fight for what they believe in.
* They stand up to injustice.
* They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe there is a better solution.
* They go without, so their family can have.
* They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
* They love unconditionally.
* They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards.
* They are happy when they hear about a birth or a wedding. Their hearts break when a friend dies.
* They grieve at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.
* They know that a hug and a kiss can help to heal a broken heart.
* The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning! They bring joy and hope.
* They have compassion and ideals.
* They give moral support to family and friends.
Woman has vital things to say and everything to give. Woman come in all sizes, in all colors and shapes. They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you.
Following is some Wisdom from an elderly Navajo women: -
For all of us who are married, were married, wish you were married, or wish you weren't married, this is something to smile about the next time you serve wine.
Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona. She saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. Since the trip was long, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride.
With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car. Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally.
What's in the bag?" asked the old woman. Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, "It's a bottle of wine, I got it for my husband."
The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said, "Good trade."
By the time the Lord made Woman, he was into his sixth day of working overtime. An angel appeared and said, "Why are you spending so much time on this one?" And the Lord answered, "Have you seen the spec. sheet on her?"
"She has to be completely washable, but not plastic, have over 200 parts, all replaceable, run on diet coke and leftovers, have a lap that can hold four children at one time, have a kiss that can cure anything from scraped knee to a broken heart and have two pairs of hands."
The angel was astounded at the requirements. "Two pairs of hands! No way! And that's just on the standard model? That's too much work for one day. Wait until tomorrow to finish."
"But I can't," the Lord said. "I am so close to finishing this creation that is so close to my own heart. She already heals herself when she is sick AND can work 18 hour days."
The angel moved closer and touched the woman. "But you have made her so soft, Lord." "She is soft," the Lord agreed, "but I have also made her tough. You have no idea what she can endure or accomplish."
"Will she be able to think," asked the angel. The Lord replied, "Not only will she be able to think, she will be able to reason and negotiate."
The angel then noticed something, and reaching out, touched the woman's cheek. "Oops, it looks like you have a leak in this model. I told you that you were trying to put too much into this one." "That's not a leak," the Lord corrected, "that's a tear!" What's the tear for?" the angel asked.
The Lord said, "The tear is her way of expressing her joy, her sorrow, her pain, her disappointment, her love, her loneliness, her grief and her pride."
The angel was impressed. "you are a genius, Lord. You thought of everything! Woman is truly amazing."
And she is! Women have strengths that amaze men.
* They bare hardships and they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy.
* They smile when they want to scream.
* They sing when they want to cry.
* They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous.
* They fight for what they believe in.
* They stand up to injustice.
* They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe there is a better solution.
* They go without, so their family can have.
* They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
* They love unconditionally.
* They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards.
* They are happy when they hear about a birth or a wedding. Their hearts break when a friend dies.
* They grieve at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.
* They know that a hug and a kiss can help to heal a broken heart.
* The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning! They bring joy and hope.
* They have compassion and ideals.
* They give moral support to family and friends.
Woman has vital things to say and everything to give. Woman come in all sizes, in all colors and shapes. They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you.
Following is some Wisdom from an elderly Navajo women: -
For all of us who are married, were married, wish you were married, or wish you weren't married, this is something to smile about the next time you serve wine.
Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona. She saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. Since the trip was long, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride.
With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car. Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally.
What's in the bag?" asked the old woman. Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, "It's a bottle of wine, I got it for my husband."
The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said, "Good trade."
Wednesday, June 5, 2013
Memories of my moms memories
1943, 13 years old.
I loved my Mom. She loved to tell me stories and introduced me to many of the best books of the day. She gave monthly book reviews to one of the clubs to which she belonged. She would read a book and then prepare a general review of that.book The review would contain the general overall story and then any of the especially interesting parts. She would practice her review of the book on me in the evening. I received previews of many excellent books when I was young.. She also told me many of her memories of events when she was young.. Following is her story of how she met my father.
"I had gone to a dance with several of my friends. In those days it wasn't necessary to have a date to go to a dance. Groups of young women would attend a dance to meet people and have fun dancing. During the dance, a young man entered the dance hall. I spotted him immediately and thought he was very handsome. He was tall, dark and fine looking. A short time later the young man asked me for a dance, but my dance card was already filled for a few more dances.. He entered his name on my dance card and said he would be back. His name was Charles and he never did come back." Incidentally, all young women carried a dance card when they went to a dance. The card listed the dances by number and when a boy asked a girl for a dance she checked her dance card. If she had already promised the next few dances to other boys, she would mention that the next dance she had open was three dances away. If the girl was popular, the boy was only too happy to have his name added to her dance card.
"By asking questions, I learned that Charles was attending college at BYU. He was home for the Christmas break. When Charles returned from BYU in the spring, I met him again at a dance. He asked me again for a dance but I reminded him that he had failed to return for a scheduled dance the previous Christmas. I asked him if he made a habit of that sort of thing. He apologized and we danced several more times during the evening. We enjoyed each others company and had a glorious summer dating when he was not out working with his father's sheep operation. The relationship was interrupted for several years when Charles received a mission call for the LDS Church. He left in May 1909. I went to Salt Lake to see him off."
Wisdom, from a favorite old farmer friend.
Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears very close resemblance to the first.
If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen anyway.
Oh, dear, another Groaner - Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers. However, all the league records were unfortunately destroyed in a fire. Thus we''ll never know for whom the Tells bowled.
And still, another one - A thief broke into the local police station and stole all the lavatory equipment. A spokesperson was quoted as saying, "We have absolutely nothing to go on."
Sister Mary Ann, who worked for a home health agency, was out making the rounds visiting home-bound patients when she ran out of gas. As luck would have it, a Texaco gasoline station was just a block away. So she walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas. The attendant told her that the only gas can had been loaned out, but she could wait until it was returned.
However, Sister Mary Ann was on the way to see a patient, so she decided not to wait, and walked back to her car. She looked for something in her car that she could fill with gas and spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient! Always resourceful, Sister Mary Ann carried the bedpan to the station, filled it with gasoline, and carried the full bedpan back to her car.
As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two Mormon Missionaries watched from across the street. One of them turned to the other and said. "If it starts, I'm turning Catholic."
I loved my Mom. She loved to tell me stories and introduced me to many of the best books of the day. She gave monthly book reviews to one of the clubs to which she belonged. She would read a book and then prepare a general review of that.book The review would contain the general overall story and then any of the especially interesting parts. She would practice her review of the book on me in the evening. I received previews of many excellent books when I was young.. She also told me many of her memories of events when she was young.. Following is her story of how she met my father.
"I had gone to a dance with several of my friends. In those days it wasn't necessary to have a date to go to a dance. Groups of young women would attend a dance to meet people and have fun dancing. During the dance, a young man entered the dance hall. I spotted him immediately and thought he was very handsome. He was tall, dark and fine looking. A short time later the young man asked me for a dance, but my dance card was already filled for a few more dances.. He entered his name on my dance card and said he would be back. His name was Charles and he never did come back." Incidentally, all young women carried a dance card when they went to a dance. The card listed the dances by number and when a boy asked a girl for a dance she checked her dance card. If she had already promised the next few dances to other boys, she would mention that the next dance she had open was three dances away. If the girl was popular, the boy was only too happy to have his name added to her dance card.
"By asking questions, I learned that Charles was attending college at BYU. He was home for the Christmas break. When Charles returned from BYU in the spring, I met him again at a dance. He asked me again for a dance but I reminded him that he had failed to return for a scheduled dance the previous Christmas. I asked him if he made a habit of that sort of thing. He apologized and we danced several more times during the evening. We enjoyed each others company and had a glorious summer dating when he was not out working with his father's sheep operation. The relationship was interrupted for several years when Charles received a mission call for the LDS Church. He left in May 1909. I went to Salt Lake to see him off."
Wisdom, from a favorite old farmer friend.
Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears very close resemblance to the first.
If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen anyway.
Oh, dear, another Groaner - Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers. However, all the league records were unfortunately destroyed in a fire. Thus we''ll never know for whom the Tells bowled.
And still, another one - A thief broke into the local police station and stole all the lavatory equipment. A spokesperson was quoted as saying, "We have absolutely nothing to go on."
Sister Mary Ann, who worked for a home health agency, was out making the rounds visiting home-bound patients when she ran out of gas. As luck would have it, a Texaco gasoline station was just a block away. So she walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas. The attendant told her that the only gas can had been loaned out, but she could wait until it was returned.
However, Sister Mary Ann was on the way to see a patient, so she decided not to wait, and walked back to her car. She looked for something in her car that she could fill with gas and spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient! Always resourceful, Sister Mary Ann carried the bedpan to the station, filled it with gasoline, and carried the full bedpan back to her car.
As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two Mormon Missionaries watched from across the street. One of them turned to the other and said. "If it starts, I'm turning Catholic."
Thursday, May 30, 2013
The Spit-Wad Story
1942, 12 yeas old
I'm now 12 years old and in the 7th grade in junior high school. The teacher of 7th grade was a good enough teacher but had a habit that was irritating to me. He would orally discuss a subject and then turn his back on the class and write a recap of the subject on the blackboard. This would take four or five minutes. I know students retain far more of a lesson if two of the senses are used (sight and hearing) than if only one sense (hearing) is used. But I thought the four or five minutes that the teacher spent writing the recap was a waste of time. I thought the teacher should have previously written the recap on posters that he could have quickly places on the board. I thought perhaps he should have put these posters on the board before he started his lecture.
One day I happened to have an elastic band with me. There was plenty of paper available and I had a goodly supply of saliva, so I prepared an excellent, gooey "spit-wad". The next time the teacher turned his back to write, I took careful aim and let go. In spite of my careful aim I missed the target. The spit-wad zipped past his ear and splatted on the black board in front of his face. The teacher spun around and demanded to know who had shot that spit-wad. I didn't confess my sin and none of the other students ratted on me. I was home free.
After class I was standing with some friends a short distance from the class room bragging about how I had successfully launched a spit-wad and avoided being caught. Suddenly, I noticed a look of terror on the faces of my friends. It only took me a few seconds to realize why this look. I slowly turned around and there stood the teacher with the biggest grin on his face I had ever seen. He said, "Give me a few minutes to decide what your punishment will be. I'll announce this in class." He then strode off and I could hear him laughing hysterically all the way down the hall.
When class reconvened, the teacher said, "I have determined that Mister Hatch was the guilty spit-wad shooter. As a penalty, Mr. Hatch will have to write a fifty page history of the Civil War. If this report is not submitted before the end of the term, Mr. Hatch will receive a failing grade for this class." I guess the teacher thought this assignment would keep me so busy I wouldn't have time for any more mischievousness. He probably also thought that such a penalty would certainly discourage any other member of the class from doing anything so dumb.
One good result of this incident was that I became completely fascinated with the history of the Civil War. The assignment became a privilege rather than a penalty. The more I researched the subject the more interesting it became. I learned about the many battles and the number of casualties from these battles. I learned of the many families and communities that were split; fathers fighting against sons; brothers fighting against brothers; neighbors fighting against neighbors. I learned of the obstacles and political problems that President Lincoln had to endure.
I finished the assignment and on the last day of the school term submitted it I also thanked the teacher for the opportunity of studying about the Civil War. I don't think he believed me. I think he thought I was just a typical juvenile delinquent with an attitude that would prevent me from ever finishing high school.
Grandpa's advice
If you ever dance with a grizzly bear, you had better let him lead.
When you talk about someone behind their back, their back will be right behind you.
People will believe anything if you whisper it.
Live a good, honorable life. Then, when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.
In two months I'll turn 83. But remember, that's only 28 celsius
I'm now 12 years old and in the 7th grade in junior high school. The teacher of 7th grade was a good enough teacher but had a habit that was irritating to me. He would orally discuss a subject and then turn his back on the class and write a recap of the subject on the blackboard. This would take four or five minutes. I know students retain far more of a lesson if two of the senses are used (sight and hearing) than if only one sense (hearing) is used. But I thought the four or five minutes that the teacher spent writing the recap was a waste of time. I thought the teacher should have previously written the recap on posters that he could have quickly places on the board. I thought perhaps he should have put these posters on the board before he started his lecture.
One day I happened to have an elastic band with me. There was plenty of paper available and I had a goodly supply of saliva, so I prepared an excellent, gooey "spit-wad". The next time the teacher turned his back to write, I took careful aim and let go. In spite of my careful aim I missed the target. The spit-wad zipped past his ear and splatted on the black board in front of his face. The teacher spun around and demanded to know who had shot that spit-wad. I didn't confess my sin and none of the other students ratted on me. I was home free.
After class I was standing with some friends a short distance from the class room bragging about how I had successfully launched a spit-wad and avoided being caught. Suddenly, I noticed a look of terror on the faces of my friends. It only took me a few seconds to realize why this look. I slowly turned around and there stood the teacher with the biggest grin on his face I had ever seen. He said, "Give me a few minutes to decide what your punishment will be. I'll announce this in class." He then strode off and I could hear him laughing hysterically all the way down the hall.
When class reconvened, the teacher said, "I have determined that Mister Hatch was the guilty spit-wad shooter. As a penalty, Mr. Hatch will have to write a fifty page history of the Civil War. If this report is not submitted before the end of the term, Mr. Hatch will receive a failing grade for this class." I guess the teacher thought this assignment would keep me so busy I wouldn't have time for any more mischievousness. He probably also thought that such a penalty would certainly discourage any other member of the class from doing anything so dumb.
One good result of this incident was that I became completely fascinated with the history of the Civil War. The assignment became a privilege rather than a penalty. The more I researched the subject the more interesting it became. I learned about the many battles and the number of casualties from these battles. I learned of the many families and communities that were split; fathers fighting against sons; brothers fighting against brothers; neighbors fighting against neighbors. I learned of the obstacles and political problems that President Lincoln had to endure.
I finished the assignment and on the last day of the school term submitted it I also thanked the teacher for the opportunity of studying about the Civil War. I don't think he believed me. I think he thought I was just a typical juvenile delinquent with an attitude that would prevent me from ever finishing high school.
Grandpa's advice
If you ever dance with a grizzly bear, you had better let him lead.
When you talk about someone behind their back, their back will be right behind you.
People will believe anything if you whisper it.
Live a good, honorable life. Then, when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.
In two months I'll turn 83. But remember, that's only 28 celsius
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
Oh Brother, More Foolishness
12 years old.
In July of 1942, when I turned twelve years old, I was promoted to a more responsible group in our church. Unfortunately, very little wisdom or spirituality accompanied me to this new assignment. I was still as light minded as ever.
From some source I had obtained a plastic tube about twelve inches long and had used this tube to shoot dried beans at various targets. By putting a bean in the end of the tube, and then blowing hard into the tube, the bean would be projected toward the target at a good rate of speed. In other words, it stung when it hit the target in the back of the head.
One Sunday morning, I decided to take this tube to church with me. Perhaps I could infuse some excitement into the various church meetings. I couldn't find any beans in my mother's kitchen, but I did locate some dried corn that worked just as well. So off to church I went with my "bean shooter", correction with my "corn shooter" and a goodly supply of dried corn. Generally, young people my age attended at least three classes. That day was almost as fun as attending a double feature at the Saturday matinee. I found a seat on the last row and shot every member of the first class at least once. I accomplished the same thing during the second class. Since I would quickly lower the tube and look innocent, no one knew from whence the corn was coming.
During the third meetings I shot at various targets other than the back of someones head. It wasn't as much fun but the last meeting was attended by older youths and adults and I was a wee bit intimidated. By the end of the day I was completely happy. I hadn't learned one thing about the Gospel. But I had made the church classes much more exciting. And as far as I could tell, I had remained completely anonymous. Oh what a dope. How could I think that after shooting many of those in attendance at church that day, no one would know who was responsible for this idiocy.
The following week when I arrived at church, I was summoned to the Bishop's office for a special "interview." The Bishop explained that it required many members of the Church to go throughout the chapel picking up dried corn. He also emphasized that this type of behavior was totally unacceptable in the "Lord's House" and it must never occur again. I assured the Bishop that it would not occur again and was ashamed that it had happened at all.
For the first time in my life I finally learned a new philosophy. i.e. You refrain from doing a bad thing simply because it is bad. I'm afraid in the past, whether or not I did something bad, depended upon the possibility or not of getting caught.
I tried mightily to remember this philosophy in the future. But I was only partly successful.
Grandpa's wisdom and humor -
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?" The mother replied, "Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life." The child thought about this for a moment then said, "So why is the groom wearing black"?
Have you ever noticed that the other line always moves faster. This applies to all lines: bank tellers, checkout at the grocery stores, entrance to sporting events, movie theater lines, etc. And don't try to change lines. The other line -- the one you were in originally-- will then move faster."
Grandpa at the breakfast table: I read an interesting fact in the paper this morning.
Grandma: after a long pause and complete silence. said "AND"
Grandpa: I wish I could remember what it was.
Monday, May 27, 2013
Search for a downed military plane.
Age 12, 1942
A military airplane had disappeared somewhere over the Ashley National Forest north of Vernal. The military dispatched a fleet of Civil Air Patrol planes to Vernal to conduct a search. These were small, two-passenger, planes which were piloted by civilian pilots who were donating their time to conduct the search. Vernal seldom saw a single airplane and now there were fifteen to twenty planes flying in and out of the Vernal airport.
Incidentally the airport was only a pasture where someone had planted a pole which held a wind sock. The pasture was adequate for the small Piper Cub or T-Craft planes being used for the search. The only problem occurred when several days of rain occurred. Then the pasture became too muddy for planes to take off or land.
There was always a crowd gathered at the "airport" when the planes were taking off or landing. There was also always a group of young boys wandering among the planes after they had been parked. Every one of these boys dreamed of the future when they would be old enough to join the U.S. Air Force and fly planes all over the world.
These small airplanes were ancient compared to today's jets. For example, the air speed of the small aircraft was measured by a small tube that extended from a forward point under a wing to the airspeed gauge in the instrument panel in the cockpit. The faster the plane traveled, the greater was the force of the wind entering the tube and this resulted in the speedometer showing the faster speed. A group of four or five friends and myself were wandering among the parked airplanes. The doors to the cockpit were, of course, always locked but we could peak through the side windows. As we were examining one of the planes, someone discovered the small tube and wondered why and what it was. Since I was enamored with any airplane and had read extensively about airplanes, I knew why the tube was there. With a great deal of superiority, I explained the purpose of the tube.
Now what do you suppose the next logical step was for a group of young, mentally retarded, twelve year old boys? Someone wondered if we could blow into the tube hard enough to register on the speedometer. We quickly experimented and found when one of us blew into the tube, the speedometer quickly displayed this speed. This in turn developed into a contest to see who could "blow the fastest"
Before a champion could be declared, however, the pilot returned to the his plane and discovered what was going on with his airplane. He was absolutely furious. He screamed at us. He threatened to have us all arrested for molesting government property. He whined to the other pilots that he may not know his air speed during take offs and landings. He insisted that a guard be posted to keep such dumb boys from getting near the parked airplanes. It seems his concern was that the boys may have been blowing saliva as well as air. The pilot was concerned that this saliva may have damaged the speedometer. We made a hasty retreat. However, since no airplane crashed during take offs or landings, we assumed we had not caused any damage.
Grandpa's wisdom -
Advic from a farmer friend: Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.
It doesn't take a very big person to carry a grudge.
You cannot unsay a cruel word.
When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.
If Biblical headlines were written by today's liberal media.
On healing the 10 lepers:
Local Doctor's Practice Ruined.
On raising Lazarus from the dead:
Fundamentalist Preacher Raises A Stink
On David vs. Goliath:
Hate Crime Kills Beloved Champion.
God bless yo'all and have fun today.
Memories of WW II
11 years old.
Just before 8 a.m. on December 7, 1941, hundreds of Japanese aircraft attacked the American naval base at Pearl Harbor near Honolulu, Hawaii. The barrage lasted just two hours, but it was devastating. The Japanese managed to destroy nearly 20 American naval vessels, including eight enormous battleships, and almost 200 airplanes. More than 2000 American soldiers and sailors died in the attack, and another 1,000 were wounded. The day after the assault, President Franklin D. Roosevelt asked Congress to declare war on Japan. Congress approved his declaration with just one dissenting vote.
On December 11, 1941, the U.S. declares war on Germany.
Our normal lifestyle quickly started to change. Young single men (eighteen years old) began to be drafted into the armed forces. Soon after, the draft was extended to young married men. Many of these young men were killed in action. Husbands and wives were separated, many for as long as three or four years. I had a cousin who enlisted in the air force and served as a pilot in England for the duration of the war. He left a wife and one small son at home. A sad thing happened while he was gone. His wife became involved with another man and filed for divorce. Even at my young age I appreciated how this situation must have been as heart wrenching as any thing that could happen.
Whenever a member of a family left home to serve in the military, the family was given a poster containing a large blue star that designated that a member of that family was serving in the military. Later when a dreaded telegram was received by the family which began, "We regret to inform you", a gold star was issued to the family that indicated that a loved one had been killed while in military service. We could walk down the street and by looking at the front window, tell if a member of that family was presently serving in the military or if a member had been killed in the war. Some families had both stars in their front window.
There was limited protests against the war. All the population became involved in the war effort. A few of these efforts were:
Gasoline was rationed. Each family was given coupons that were needed to buy gasoline.
Meat was rationed. Each family was given food stamps.
Housewives saved all grease that was left after frying meat. This was used to manufacture munitions.
All school children gathered milkweed pods; used to manufacture life preservers.
All commercial construction was halted. The materials were needed for military projects.
Silk stockings disappeared from the stores. Silk was needed to produce parachutes.
Grandpa's wisdom - money.
Money can buy a house, but not a home.
It can buy a clock, but not time.
It can buy a position, but not respect.
It can buy you a bed, but not sleep.
It can buy you a book, but not knowledge.
It can buy you medicine, but not health.
It can buy you a heart transplant, but not true love.
It can buy you blood, but not life.
So you see money isn't everything. And it often causes pain and suffering. I tell you this because I am your friend. And as your friend I want to take away your pain and suffering! So send me all your money, and I will suffer for you. Cash only please! No checks or money orders. After all, what are friends for???
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
Work or die
Age 9, 1939
Well I may be exaggerating a wee bit, but I was forced to work. Both my parents seemed to be cooperating in the effort to at least slightly acquaint me with work.
My mother insisted that my bedroom be cleaned each week. Since I was the only one that slept in that room, I was selected to perform the weekly cleaning. Each Saturday, before I could go out and play the bedroom had to be cleaned. Now listen to this: the cleaning consisted of shaking two small place rugs, sweeping the floor, dusting a dresser and making my bed. Even at a leisurely pace those chores could be completed in about fifteen minutes. But at my working pace, I usually finished just in time for lunch and complained every minute. I can imagine my mother rolling her eyes and thinking this is the laziest child that was ever born. She once told me that if I were in the seventh year of the seven-year itch, I would still be scratching year number one.
My father obviously felt he had to contribute to my discomfort. I was assigned the weekly job of picking the dandelions in the front lawn. Dad would remind me as he went off to open his small grocery store that today was the day to pick dandelions. Remember, at this time there were no sprays that would kill the dandelion with one application. Also there were no neat little tools that would dig the whole plant out of the ground. We just picked the blossoms week after week throughout the summer. Actually this was not a major project. If a dedicated effort had been made, the job could have been finished in twenty to thirty minutes. But my working speed in those days was slightly slower. If I were lucky the dandelions would be picked just before dad came home for lunch.
I felt that a little rest and rehabilitation was necessary between the picking of each blossom. And so the morning was spent picking a dandelion, shooting my BB gun at a sparrow, picking a dandelion, playing catch with a friend who happened by, picking a dandelion, racing boats down the irrigation ditch that ran in front of our house and otherwise experiencing the sweet and sour portions of life. I think this is what the scriptures refer to as having opposition in all things.
One morning I felt that there must be an easier way to get rid of the dandelion blossoms. Maybe if I just stomped on them. The fact that it was much harder to stomp each plant into extinction than it was to pick the blossom never entered my mind. I spent most of the morning stomping every dandelion I could find in the lawn. The neighbors wondered what on earth was going on at the Hatches. That crazy kid had spent three hours stomping on the lawn. I didn't care what they thought. By the time I was through stomping, there was not a dandelion to be seen. I was so proud of my ingenuity and promptly went off to play. Dad was able to come home for lunch and then take a short nap before going back to the store. Do you know that by the time he left to return to the store that every one of those little buggers (the dandelions) had recovered and was waving gloriously in the breeze.
Dad expressed his disappointment that I had ignored his request and said those dandelions had better be picked by the time he came home that evening. So I spent the rest of the day picking a dandelion, shooting my BB gun, picking a dandelion, playing catch, etc. etc. etc.
Grandpa's quotes regarding politics and politicians.
Since I was not too proficient at working, maybe I'll become a politician. Following are some pungent thought about politics in general.
A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have - Thomas Jefferson.
What this country needs are more unemployed politicians. - Edward Langley, Artist
Talk is cheap . . . except when Congress does it - Unknown
There is no distinctly Native American criminal class . . . save Congress. - Mark Twain
Well I may be exaggerating a wee bit, but I was forced to work. Both my parents seemed to be cooperating in the effort to at least slightly acquaint me with work.
My mother insisted that my bedroom be cleaned each week. Since I was the only one that slept in that room, I was selected to perform the weekly cleaning. Each Saturday, before I could go out and play the bedroom had to be cleaned. Now listen to this: the cleaning consisted of shaking two small place rugs, sweeping the floor, dusting a dresser and making my bed. Even at a leisurely pace those chores could be completed in about fifteen minutes. But at my working pace, I usually finished just in time for lunch and complained every minute. I can imagine my mother rolling her eyes and thinking this is the laziest child that was ever born. She once told me that if I were in the seventh year of the seven-year itch, I would still be scratching year number one.
My father obviously felt he had to contribute to my discomfort. I was assigned the weekly job of picking the dandelions in the front lawn. Dad would remind me as he went off to open his small grocery store that today was the day to pick dandelions. Remember, at this time there were no sprays that would kill the dandelion with one application. Also there were no neat little tools that would dig the whole plant out of the ground. We just picked the blossoms week after week throughout the summer. Actually this was not a major project. If a dedicated effort had been made, the job could have been finished in twenty to thirty minutes. But my working speed in those days was slightly slower. If I were lucky the dandelions would be picked just before dad came home for lunch.
I felt that a little rest and rehabilitation was necessary between the picking of each blossom. And so the morning was spent picking a dandelion, shooting my BB gun at a sparrow, picking a dandelion, playing catch with a friend who happened by, picking a dandelion, racing boats down the irrigation ditch that ran in front of our house and otherwise experiencing the sweet and sour portions of life. I think this is what the scriptures refer to as having opposition in all things.
One morning I felt that there must be an easier way to get rid of the dandelion blossoms. Maybe if I just stomped on them. The fact that it was much harder to stomp each plant into extinction than it was to pick the blossom never entered my mind. I spent most of the morning stomping every dandelion I could find in the lawn. The neighbors wondered what on earth was going on at the Hatches. That crazy kid had spent three hours stomping on the lawn. I didn't care what they thought. By the time I was through stomping, there was not a dandelion to be seen. I was so proud of my ingenuity and promptly went off to play. Dad was able to come home for lunch and then take a short nap before going back to the store. Do you know that by the time he left to return to the store that every one of those little buggers (the dandelions) had recovered and was waving gloriously in the breeze.
Dad expressed his disappointment that I had ignored his request and said those dandelions had better be picked by the time he came home that evening. So I spent the rest of the day picking a dandelion, shooting my BB gun, picking a dandelion, playing catch, etc. etc. etc.
Grandpa's quotes regarding politics and politicians.
Since I was not too proficient at working, maybe I'll become a politician. Following are some pungent thought about politics in general.
A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have - Thomas Jefferson.
What this country needs are more unemployed politicians. - Edward Langley, Artist
Talk is cheap . . . except when Congress does it - Unknown
There is no distinctly Native American criminal class . . . save Congress. - Mark Twain
Monday, May 20, 2013
Complete humiliation
1939, nine years old.
One of the lessons I learned during my early life was-- we will experience events that will result in our complete humiliation. Maybe that's not so bad. Maybe we need such events to remind us that we are not God's gift to humanity. Let me tell you about two events that were absolutely humiliating.
I was leaving a Saturday movie matinee. I still had ten cents in my pocket and that was just the right amount to purchase a bag of popcorn. I had paused outside the theater and started to eat the popcorn. A girl named Pearl Wallace came along and asked if she could have some of the popcorn. I told her she could have some popcorn only in her dreams. Pearl, who was two or three years older than I simply reached out and grabbed the bag and began to eat the popcorn. I grabbed the bag and we began a tug-of-war. I thought this had gone far enough and she should be disciplined. I took a wild swing at Pearl and she ducked beneath my fist and then gave me a hard push. I fell flat on my back and popcorn flew all over the sidewalk. Bear in mind, this occurred on a busy Saturday afternoon and half the population of Vernal seemed to be observing and thoroughly enjoying this event. Let me tell you, I was completely embarrassed and humiliated. I started to plan revenge, but one of my friends warned me that no one challenges Pearl. She had successfully survived being raised with two mean brothers. I was warned to just forget the whole incident. I did!
The second story - Dick Hullinger (my cousin) and I were playing in our front yard. Mother stuck her head out the door and said, "Lamby Pie, would you come here for a moment." Holy Toledo; my mother had called me lamby pie in front of one of my friends. I looked out the corner of my eye and Dick was rolling on the ground laughing. I could see him mouthing, lamby pie, lamby pie. I wanted to kill him. I went into the house and said to my mother, "never, never call me lamby pie in front of anyone again. She promised that she wouldn't, but it was too late. The damage had been done.
When I went back outdoors, Dick had disappeared. Before long he came back with the first person he could find who was another cousin, Keith Hatch. Then, they stood in front of our house and chanted "lamby pie, lamby pie." I was devastated. My best friend and cousin had betrayed me. I stood there desperately trying to think of something that would stop these insults. Finally in desperation I said, "Keith, I would rather that my mother call me lamby-pie than you little son-of-a-bitch which is what your mother calls you. Since Keith knew this was true he went sulking off and Dick followed. They never teased me again about lamby pie.
Grandpa's pertinent information: - Dumb things famous People said:
Senator Barry Goldwater while running for president in 1964 - "Many Americans don't like the simple things. That's what they have against we conservatives."
Governor Alf Landon on the campaign trail against FDR; "Wherever I have gone in this country, I have found Americans."
Vice President Dan Quayle - "What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or to not have a mind. How true that is."
Ronald Reagan - when asked what qualified him to be president: "I'm not smart enough to lie."
Another from Vice President Dan Quaylr - "I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
Actress Brooke Shields offered this zen view on cigarettes: "Smoking kills, If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."
One of the lessons I learned during my early life was-- we will experience events that will result in our complete humiliation. Maybe that's not so bad. Maybe we need such events to remind us that we are not God's gift to humanity. Let me tell you about two events that were absolutely humiliating.
I was leaving a Saturday movie matinee. I still had ten cents in my pocket and that was just the right amount to purchase a bag of popcorn. I had paused outside the theater and started to eat the popcorn. A girl named Pearl Wallace came along and asked if she could have some of the popcorn. I told her she could have some popcorn only in her dreams. Pearl, who was two or three years older than I simply reached out and grabbed the bag and began to eat the popcorn. I grabbed the bag and we began a tug-of-war. I thought this had gone far enough and she should be disciplined. I took a wild swing at Pearl and she ducked beneath my fist and then gave me a hard push. I fell flat on my back and popcorn flew all over the sidewalk. Bear in mind, this occurred on a busy Saturday afternoon and half the population of Vernal seemed to be observing and thoroughly enjoying this event. Let me tell you, I was completely embarrassed and humiliated. I started to plan revenge, but one of my friends warned me that no one challenges Pearl. She had successfully survived being raised with two mean brothers. I was warned to just forget the whole incident. I did!
The second story - Dick Hullinger (my cousin) and I were playing in our front yard. Mother stuck her head out the door and said, "Lamby Pie, would you come here for a moment." Holy Toledo; my mother had called me lamby pie in front of one of my friends. I looked out the corner of my eye and Dick was rolling on the ground laughing. I could see him mouthing, lamby pie, lamby pie. I wanted to kill him. I went into the house and said to my mother, "never, never call me lamby pie in front of anyone again. She promised that she wouldn't, but it was too late. The damage had been done.
When I went back outdoors, Dick had disappeared. Before long he came back with the first person he could find who was another cousin, Keith Hatch. Then, they stood in front of our house and chanted "lamby pie, lamby pie." I was devastated. My best friend and cousin had betrayed me. I stood there desperately trying to think of something that would stop these insults. Finally in desperation I said, "Keith, I would rather that my mother call me lamby-pie than you little son-of-a-bitch which is what your mother calls you. Since Keith knew this was true he went sulking off and Dick followed. They never teased me again about lamby pie.
Grandpa's pertinent information: - Dumb things famous People said:
Senator Barry Goldwater while running for president in 1964 - "Many Americans don't like the simple things. That's what they have against we conservatives."
Governor Alf Landon on the campaign trail against FDR; "Wherever I have gone in this country, I have found Americans."
Vice President Dan Quayle - "What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or to not have a mind. How true that is."
Ronald Reagan - when asked what qualified him to be president: "I'm not smart enough to lie."
Another from Vice President Dan Quaylr - "I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
Actress Brooke Shields offered this zen view on cigarettes: "Smoking kills, If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."
Thursday, May 16, 2013
I loved movies
1939, age 9.
In 1939, movies started to assume a very important part of my life. I loved movies; all kinds of movies. Remember, at my age of 9 we did not have TV. Only movies and radio were available for information and entertainment. We did have a Victorolla that had to be wound by hand to play 78 records. But ours was broken so it didn't count. We had none of the miraculous inventions that young people can enjoy today.
Now back to movies. My parents would let me attend only one evening movie a week. The cost of this movie was twenty-five cents. Even that small admission cost was difficult to obtain. The Vogue Theater (the only movie theater in Vernal) showed three different movies a week. The best movie was shown on Sunday-Monday-Tuesday. A different movie was shown on Wednesday-Thursday and the third movie was shown on Friday-Saturday. What a dilemma! I had to choose which movie to see each week. I usually chose the best movie and went on Monday evening. This was my family home evening entertainment. Incidentally, I never heard the words, "Family Home Evening", until I had a family of my own. We certainly didn't have an official family home evening when I was young.
A miracle happened in Vernal.in early 1940. Another movie theater appeared, (The Main). Vernal now had two movie theaters. I felt like I had died and gone to heaven. There were now six movies each week from which to choose. Saturday, the day the Main Theater opened, a grand opening was held and all the movies were free. They showed three different movies, news, cartoons, and a serial. I was there when the doors opened and spent the next six hours in ecstasy. One of the movies starred Diana Durban. I fell in love with her and dropped my affection for Margaret O'Brien. "Sorry Margaret, but Diana was just as cute and in addition, she could sing.
The new theater started showing matinee's every Saturday. The admission was ten cents. Sometimes, if I behaved myself, I was allowed to attend the Saturday afternoon matinee. This matinee was a movie addicts bonanza. There was generally a double feature movie, a cartoon, the news, and a serial. For those of you who are unfamiliar with a serial, let me explain. A serial was an adventure or mystery story that was shown in weekly chapters. Each chapter lasted about fifteen minutes and a new chapter was shown each week for thirteen weeks. At the end of each chapter, the hero was in danger of being exterminated by such things as being thrown over a cliff or having a steel plate with long, sharp spikes slowly coming down or being crushed by a huge machine or being cut in half by a buzz saw, etc. etc. We had all week to worry how the hero was ever going to survive. Then the following week we had to go back to see how the hero escaped. I seldom (if ever) missed the matinee
Grandpa's - favorite poetry. All 'rit by Shel Silverstein
Hot Dog
I have a hot dog for a pet,
The only kind my folks would let me get.
He does smell sort of bad, and yet,
He absolutely never gets the sofa wet.
We have a butcher for a vet,
The strangest vet you ever met.
Guess we're the weirdest family yet,
To have a hot dog for a pet.
Hurk
I'd rather play tennis than go to the dentist.
I'd rather play soccer than go to the doctor.
I'd rather play Hurk than go to work.
Hurk? Hurk? What's Hurk?
I don't know. but it must be better than work.
Prayer Of The Selfish Child
Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep,
And if I die before I wake,
I pray the Lord my toys to break.
So none of the other kids can use 'em . . .
Amen.
.
In 1939, movies started to assume a very important part of my life. I loved movies; all kinds of movies. Remember, at my age of 9 we did not have TV. Only movies and radio were available for information and entertainment. We did have a Victorolla that had to be wound by hand to play 78 records. But ours was broken so it didn't count. We had none of the miraculous inventions that young people can enjoy today.
Now back to movies. My parents would let me attend only one evening movie a week. The cost of this movie was twenty-five cents. Even that small admission cost was difficult to obtain. The Vogue Theater (the only movie theater in Vernal) showed three different movies a week. The best movie was shown on Sunday-Monday-Tuesday. A different movie was shown on Wednesday-Thursday and the third movie was shown on Friday-Saturday. What a dilemma! I had to choose which movie to see each week. I usually chose the best movie and went on Monday evening. This was my family home evening entertainment. Incidentally, I never heard the words, "Family Home Evening", until I had a family of my own. We certainly didn't have an official family home evening when I was young.
A miracle happened in Vernal.in early 1940. Another movie theater appeared, (The Main). Vernal now had two movie theaters. I felt like I had died and gone to heaven. There were now six movies each week from which to choose. Saturday, the day the Main Theater opened, a grand opening was held and all the movies were free. They showed three different movies, news, cartoons, and a serial. I was there when the doors opened and spent the next six hours in ecstasy. One of the movies starred Diana Durban. I fell in love with her and dropped my affection for Margaret O'Brien. "Sorry Margaret, but Diana was just as cute and in addition, she could sing.
The new theater started showing matinee's every Saturday. The admission was ten cents. Sometimes, if I behaved myself, I was allowed to attend the Saturday afternoon matinee. This matinee was a movie addicts bonanza. There was generally a double feature movie, a cartoon, the news, and a serial. For those of you who are unfamiliar with a serial, let me explain. A serial was an adventure or mystery story that was shown in weekly chapters. Each chapter lasted about fifteen minutes and a new chapter was shown each week for thirteen weeks. At the end of each chapter, the hero was in danger of being exterminated by such things as being thrown over a cliff or having a steel plate with long, sharp spikes slowly coming down or being crushed by a huge machine or being cut in half by a buzz saw, etc. etc. We had all week to worry how the hero was ever going to survive. Then the following week we had to go back to see how the hero escaped. I seldom (if ever) missed the matinee
Grandpa's - favorite poetry. All 'rit by Shel Silverstein
Hot Dog
I have a hot dog for a pet,
The only kind my folks would let me get.
He does smell sort of bad, and yet,
He absolutely never gets the sofa wet.
We have a butcher for a vet,
The strangest vet you ever met.
Guess we're the weirdest family yet,
To have a hot dog for a pet.
Hurk
I'd rather play tennis than go to the dentist.
I'd rather play soccer than go to the doctor.
I'd rather play Hurk than go to work.
Hurk? Hurk? What's Hurk?
I don't know. but it must be better than work.
Prayer Of The Selfish Child
Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep,
And if I die before I wake,
I pray the Lord my toys to break.
So none of the other kids can use 'em . . .
Amen.
.
Monday, May 13, 2013
Wish I was a single girl again
Unfortunately, most of us will have a great or great great granddaughter that has decided that a certain young man is just the right man for her. In most cases the young man is an absolute ZERO. Following is a country-western song that was popular is my younger days. Jo Stafford made a best selling record of this song. If it won't convince your sweet little grand daughter that she is making a mistake, nothing will. I can't remember the melody, but I've never forgotten the lyrics.
When I was a single girl, I dressed in silks so fine,
Now I am a married girl, go ragged all the time,
Wish I was a single girl again.
When I was a single girl, every day was fun,
Now I am a married girl, work is never done.
Wish I was a single girl again.
When I was a single girl, I ate cherry pie,
Now I am a married girl, and eat corn bread or die.
Wish I was a single girl again.
When I was a single girl, I had shoes of the very best kind,
Now I am a married girl, go barefoot all the time.
Wish I was a single girl again.
When I was a single girl, I traveled all around,
Now I am a married girl, can't even get to town.
Wish I was a single girl again.
When I was a single girl, used to go to the store and buy,
Now I am a married girl, just rock the cradle and cry.
Wish I was a single girl again.
When a fella comes a courtin' you, and sits you on his knee,
Keep your eye upon the sparrow that flits from tree to tree.
And you'll never have to wish you were a single girl then,
I wish I was a single girl again.
When I was a single girl, I dressed in silks so fine,
Now I am a married girl, go ragged all the time,
Wish I was a single girl again.
When I was a single girl, every day was fun,
Now I am a married girl, work is never done.
Wish I was a single girl again.
When I was a single girl, I ate cherry pie,
Now I am a married girl, and eat corn bread or die.
Wish I was a single girl again.
When I was a single girl, I had shoes of the very best kind,
Now I am a married girl, go barefoot all the time.
Wish I was a single girl again.
When I was a single girl, I traveled all around,
Now I am a married girl, can't even get to town.
Wish I was a single girl again.
When I was a single girl, used to go to the store and buy,
Now I am a married girl, just rock the cradle and cry.
Wish I was a single girl again.
When a fella comes a courtin' you, and sits you on his knee,
Keep your eye upon the sparrow that flits from tree to tree.
And you'll never have to wish you were a single girl then,
I wish I was a single girl again.
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