The Spit-Wad Story

1942, 12 yeas old

I'm now 12 years old and in the 7th grade in junior high school.  The teacher of 7th grade was a good enough teacher but had a habit that was irritating to me.  He would orally discuss a subject and then turn his back on the class and write a recap of the subject on the blackboard.  This would take four or five minutes.  I know  students retain far more of a lesson if two of the senses are used (sight and hearing) than if only one sense (hearing) is used. But I thought the four or five minutes that the teacher spent writing the recap was a waste of time.  I thought the teacher should have previously written the recap on posters that he could have quickly places on the board.  I thought perhaps he should have put these posters on the board before he started his lecture.

One day I happened to have an elastic band with me.  There was plenty of paper available and I had a goodly supply of saliva, so I prepared an excellent, gooey "spit-wad".  The next time the teacher turned his back to write, I took careful aim and let go.  In spite of my careful aim I missed the target.  The spit-wad zipped past his ear and splatted on the black board in front of his face. The teacher spun around and demanded to know who had shot that spit-wad.  I didn't confess my sin and none of the other students ratted on me.  I was home free.

After class I was standing with some friends a short distance from the class room bragging about how I had successfully launched a spit-wad and avoided being caught.  Suddenly, I noticed a look of terror on the faces of my friends.  It only took me a few seconds to realize why this look.  I slowly turned around and there stood the teacher with the biggest grin on his face I had ever seen.  He said, "Give me a few minutes to decide what your punishment will be.  I'll announce this in class."  He then strode off and I could hear him laughing hysterically all the way down the hall.

When class reconvened, the teacher said, "I have determined that Mister Hatch was the guilty spit-wad shooter.  As a penalty, Mr. Hatch will have to write a fifty page history of the Civil War.  If this report is not submitted before the end of the term, Mr. Hatch will receive a failing grade for this class."  I guess the teacher thought this assignment would keep me so busy I wouldn't have time for any more mischievousness. He probably also thought that such a penalty would certainly discourage any other member of the class from doing anything so dumb.

One good result of this incident was that I became completely fascinated with the history of the Civil War.  The assignment became a privilege rather than a penalty.  The more I researched the subject the more interesting it became.  I learned about the many battles and the number of casualties from these battles.  I learned of the many families and communities that were split; fathers fighting against sons; brothers fighting against brothers; neighbors fighting against neighbors.  I learned of the obstacles and political problems that President Lincoln had to endure.

I finished the assignment and on the last day of the school term submitted it  I also thanked the teacher for the opportunity of studying about the Civil War.  I don't think he believed me.  I think he thought I was just a typical  juvenile delinquent with an attitude that would prevent me from ever finishing high school.

Grandpa's advice

If you ever dance with a grizzly bear, you had better let him lead.

When you talk about someone behind their back, their back will be right behind you.

People will believe anything if you whisper it.

Live a good, honorable life.  Then, when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.

In two months I'll turn 83.  But remember, that's only 28 celsius