A near expulsion from high school

17 years old, 1947

My favorite classes during high school were those taught by Stella H. Oaks.  Mrs. Oaks was a widow and the mom of Dallin H. Oaks, a future Utah Supreme Court Justice and a member of the Twelve Apostles of the LDS Church.  Dallin was in the same grade as Joan.

Mrs. Oaks taught civics, theatre, speech, debate etc. and in my senior year I was taking a speech class from her.  This class was taught in the speech room that was a room about 30 feet long.  At the end of the room was an elevated miniature stage.  The stage had a curtain that could be drawn and the students used the stage to rehearse plays.

I arrived at class a little late on a particular day and upon entering noted that Mrs. Oaks was not in the room.  The curtain was drawn and I could hear conversation from behind the curtain and assumed that some of the students were preparing a presentation.

As I sat enjoying myself doing nothing, one of the students backed against the curtain and bent over so that their rear end made a large bump in the curtain.  This was too much for me to resist and I succumbed to the temptation placed before me.  In other words, "the Devil made me do it."  I went up, walked up to the curtain, and hit that protruding rear end with all my strength.  There was a surprise sound from behind the curtain and I immediately realized that I had made a very poor decision.  I had located the missing Mrs. Oaks.  That protruding rear end was attached to her.

The room became deadly silent.  I could visualize in my mind Mrs. Oaks bursting through the curtain and screaming, "Whoever did that will never graduate from this high school."  But nothing happened.  I slunk back to my seat.  Every student in the class sat with their mouths open.  They were in absolute awe of my stupidity and had an expression of complete disgust on their face.  Mrs. oaks didn't leave the stage for about fifteen minutes and I suffered terrible feelings of guilt and doom during the entire fifteen minutes.  I think that was the reason she stayed on the stage for so long.  When she finally came out she didn't say a thing and acted as if the entire event had never happened.
Well, I learned an eternal truth that day which is: Never smack someone on the rear end unless you know to whom that rear end is attached.

Grandpa's thoughts about growing old.

I've sure gotten old.  I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, and new knees.  I fought prostate cancer and diabetes  I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.  I have bouts with dementia, have poor circulation, hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.  I can't remember if I'm 83 or 92. I have lost all my friends, but thank God, I still have my driver's license.

An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests.  First she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart.  "Wal-Mart? the preacher exclaimed.  "Why Wal-Mart?"  "Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week."

Don't let aging get you down.  It's too hard to get back up.

Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old because you stop laughing.