Oh Brother, More Foolishness

12 years old.
In July of 1942, when I turned twelve years old, I was promoted to a more responsible group in our church.  Unfortunately, very little wisdom or spirituality accompanied me to this new assignment.  I was still as light minded as ever.

From some source I had obtained a plastic tube about twelve inches long and had used this tube to shoot dried beans at various targets.  By putting a bean in the end of the tube, and then blowing hard into the tube, the bean would be projected toward the target at a good rate of speed.  In other words, it stung when it hit the target in the back of the head.

One Sunday morning, I decided to take this tube to church with me.  Perhaps I could infuse some excitement into the various church meetings.  I couldn't find any beans in my mother's kitchen, but I did locate some dried corn that worked just as well.  So off to church I went with my "bean shooter", correction with my "corn shooter" and a goodly supply of dried corn.  Generally, young people my age attended at least three classes.  That day was almost as fun as attending a double feature at the Saturday matinee.  I found a seat on the last row and shot every member of the first class at least once.  I accomplished the same thing during the second class.  Since I would quickly lower the tube and look innocent, no one knew from whence the corn was coming.

During the third  meetings I shot at various targets other than the back of someones head.  It wasn't as much fun but the last meeting was attended by older youths and adults and I was a wee bit intimidated. By the end of the day I was completely happy.  I hadn't learned one thing about the Gospel.  But I had made the church classes much more exciting.  And as far as I could tell, I had remained completely anonymous.  Oh what a dope.  How could I think that after shooting many of those in attendance at church that day, no one would know who was responsible for this idiocy.

The following week when I arrived at church, I was summoned to the Bishop's office for a special "interview."  The Bishop explained that it required many members of the Church to go throughout the chapel picking up dried corn.  He also emphasized that this type of behavior was totally unacceptable in the "Lord's House" and it must never occur again.  I assured the Bishop that it would not occur again and was ashamed that it had happened at all.

For the first time in my life I finally learned a new philosophy. i.e. You refrain from doing a bad thing simply because it is bad.  I'm afraid in the past, whether or not I did something bad, depended upon the possibility or not of getting caught.

I tried mightily to remember this philosophy  in the future.  But I was only partly successful.

Grandpa's wisdom and humor -

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"  The mother replied,  "Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life."  The child thought about this for a moment then said, "So why is the groom wearing black"?

Have you ever noticed that the other line always moves faster.  This applies to all lines: bank tellers, checkout at the grocery stores, entrance to sporting events, movie theater lines, etc.   And don't try to change lines.  The other line -- the one you were in originally-- will then move faster."

Grandpa at the breakfast table: I read an interesting fact in the paper this morning.
Grandma: after a long pause and complete silence. said   "AND"
Grandpa:  I wish I could remember what it was.