17 year old, 1947
High school basketball season was over. Once again we failed to win the district title. It was still an enjoyable season because I was one of the starting guards on the team. After the basketball season was over, the football coach asked me to "try out" for the football team. Since only about 15 players had tried out for the football team, the football coach desperately needed more members on the team. He convinced me that I was all-state material as an end. I thought that was a fairly accurate analysis so I agreed to try out for the team.
Because all of the high schools in our district had limited student enrollment, the district played 6-man football rather than 11-man football. These six men consisted of the center and two ends on the line and the quarter back and two running backs behind the line.
Two memories of the "try-out" are still imbedded deeply in my mind even after sixty-five years. The coach divided his "squad" into two lines facing each other. These lines were about ten yards apart. When the coach blew his whistle the players at the front of each line would run together at top speed with one objective in mind - KILL! If you couldn't kill then you should certainly maim. After this collision was over, each player staggered to the end of the line to anxiously await his turn to repeat another collision. It was jolly good fun and brought out all the praiseworthy football character traits such as gouging and kicking and spitting and cussing.
Actually, I only had to survive about three of these collisions, because I found myself lying on the ground suffering from severe "charley horses" (in both legs at the same time). I wanted to scream in pain but intuitively knew that football players are not supposed to scream. They just lie there and "suck it up".
That was only the beginning. The coach informed us that during the length of the football season we were to live a very Spartan life. I didn't know what that meant but it sounded romantic. He continued his instructions and informed us that we could not eat ice cream or date girls and we had to be in bed by 9:00 p.m. (our own beds). I'm not kidding. It was OK to talk to girls but only in the hallway between class changes.
Well I proudly survived "try-outs" and was now an official member of the Uintah High School football team. It was at this time that a terrifying thought came into my mind. Basketball season had lasted about four months. Football season would now last about two months. This meant that for the final two months of my senior year in high school, I couldn't date Joan. Even more serious, I couldn't eat ice cream. A decision was required. I could seek fame and fortune on the football field at Uintah High School or I could date Joan and eat ice cream. I made my choice in about one Nano-second and took an early retirement from football.
GRANDPA'S WISDOM
Making correct decisions in this life is very important. Following are some bad decisions that can result in severe consequences:
Pick up a mountain lion cub because you don't see the mother around.
Pull a squirt gun on a Los Angeles cop for a joke.
Wear white linen to a barbecue.
Offer to carry a nervous Arab's suitcase on an airplane.
Underestimate the length of your Bungee cord.
Remember, marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
Another "Stella Award"
A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania, $113,500. after she slipped on a soft drink and broke her tailbone. The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boy friend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.
That's when the fight began:
I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.
I take my wife everywhere --- but she keeps finding her way back.
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
Friday, July 12, 2013
High School Basketball
15 years old. - 1945
In my Sophomore year in high school, I tried out and made the junior varsity basketball team. I not only made the team but was a starting guard. I thought I was on the verge of becoming the next great "basketball player in the NBA."
In reality, I was not a very good athlete. In a small high school, it was possible to participate in most any activity i.e. sports, school plays, debate team and school government. The only requirement needed was that you were breathing fairly regularly. But it was a fun experience and making the team was great for my ego. It was fun traveling to the other high schools in the district. The junior varsity games were played prior to the varsity game.
Several of the schools in the district did not have a full size basketball gym. Alterra High School not only had a small gym but the basketball hoop at one end of the floor was hung directly on the wall. This meant that if a player was driving for a basket he would shoot the ball and then in the same motion extend both hands to protect himself from crashing face first into the wall. Also in this wall was a set of double-doors located directly under the hoop.
Albert Lopez, one of the stars on the varsity team, had stolen the ball and was driving at full speed for a lay-up He shot the ball and then quickly extended his hands and hit the set of doors at top speed. The doors crashed open and Albert went speeding out into the parking lot. Since this occurred during the winter, and the parking lot was unpaved there was nothing but mud. Albert rolled over a couple of times and then ended up on his rear-end. He was literally covered with mud from head to foot and his uniform was so muddy, you couldn't tell for which team he was playing. The game was halted while Albert was taken into the dressing room and washed down with a hose. A new uniform was obtained from one of the junior basketball team players and the game was eventually continued. What a humorous event. I still laugh whenever I think of an event that occurred almost sixty years ago. I guess I'll die laughing.
The Stella Awards -
The Stella Awards are named after 81 year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonald's. That case inspired the Stella Award for the most frivolous, ridiculous, successful lawsuits in the United States.
This weeks Stella Award -
Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded $80,000, by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandable surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving little toddle was Ms.. Robertson's son.
I'm helping my neighbor solve his problems:
He reports that he takes his wife everywhere but she keeps finding her way back.
He says they always hold hands. If he lets go, she shops.
He says his wife told him the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor When he asked were the car was; she told him "In the lake.".
Grandpa's wisdom: Things I've learned in my old age:
Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
In my Sophomore year in high school, I tried out and made the junior varsity basketball team. I not only made the team but was a starting guard. I thought I was on the verge of becoming the next great "basketball player in the NBA."
In reality, I was not a very good athlete. In a small high school, it was possible to participate in most any activity i.e. sports, school plays, debate team and school government. The only requirement needed was that you were breathing fairly regularly. But it was a fun experience and making the team was great for my ego. It was fun traveling to the other high schools in the district. The junior varsity games were played prior to the varsity game.
Several of the schools in the district did not have a full size basketball gym. Alterra High School not only had a small gym but the basketball hoop at one end of the floor was hung directly on the wall. This meant that if a player was driving for a basket he would shoot the ball and then in the same motion extend both hands to protect himself from crashing face first into the wall. Also in this wall was a set of double-doors located directly under the hoop.
Albert Lopez, one of the stars on the varsity team, had stolen the ball and was driving at full speed for a lay-up He shot the ball and then quickly extended his hands and hit the set of doors at top speed. The doors crashed open and Albert went speeding out into the parking lot. Since this occurred during the winter, and the parking lot was unpaved there was nothing but mud. Albert rolled over a couple of times and then ended up on his rear-end. He was literally covered with mud from head to foot and his uniform was so muddy, you couldn't tell for which team he was playing. The game was halted while Albert was taken into the dressing room and washed down with a hose. A new uniform was obtained from one of the junior basketball team players and the game was eventually continued. What a humorous event. I still laugh whenever I think of an event that occurred almost sixty years ago. I guess I'll die laughing.
The Stella Awards -
The Stella Awards are named after 81 year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonald's. That case inspired the Stella Award for the most frivolous, ridiculous, successful lawsuits in the United States.
This weeks Stella Award -
Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded $80,000, by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandable surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving little toddle was Ms.. Robertson's son.
I'm helping my neighbor solve his problems:
He reports that he takes his wife everywhere but she keeps finding her way back.
He says they always hold hands. If he lets go, she shops.
He says his wife told him the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor When he asked were the car was; she told him "In the lake.".
Grandpa's wisdom: Things I've learned in my old age:
Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
The war became more personal
The war continues:
The war in Europe against Germany and the war in the Pacific against Japan continues to grind on. More and more gold stars appear in windows throughout the community. One of those stars particularly affected me. Word was received that Howard Manwaring had been killed in action in the invasion of Okinawa.
Howard was my hero. I was in the eighth grade when Howard was a senior in high school. Our high school, (Uintah High School), had won the region basketball championship. Howard was one of the stars on that team.
During the war, the state tournaments for football and basketball had been discontinued. So regions had been established throughout the state. Uintah High School won our region.
One time when I was fourteen years old, I was playing basketball with some friends on the school yard after school. Howard came along and wanted to play with us. Here was this high school senior who had recently been the star of the team that won the region championship and he wanted to play with a bunch of fourteen year old boys. We were all honored. He chose me and said that the two of us would play against the other four or five boys. I was so impressed that he wanted to play with younger boys and even more impressed that he had chosen me to be on his team.
The day after he graduated from high school, Howard joined the Marines. A few months later he was killed in action during the invasion of Okinawa.
At that early age I became aware of the stupidity and uselessness of wars. Unfortunately, the few that cause wars seldom have to personally participate in the wars they create.
Grandpa's creative writing awards.
The best lengthy vampire romance sentence - Slowly, wordlessly, Della gazed into Edwin's dark eyes and wondered if a human could ever learn to live with a vampire, and Edwin ... solemnly, deliberately, without any discernible movement ... looked into Della's eyes and wondered if his family would ever accept a mortal, while Jason, in the audience, looked at his watch again and wondered if an occasional bubble screen pass to the running back would help eliminate the predictability of the Colt's offense. - Richard Nash
The Best Reality Check sentence. - Upon reaching middle age he found that he cold afford to eat pizza anytime that he wanted, only to find that he could not afford to eat pizza anytime that he wanted. - Al Syers
The Best Happiest Dilemma sentence - The question in the village was not so much who would marry merry Mary as who would merry Mary marry? - Robert Layton
The Best Sweepstakes winner - Josh had committed the perfect murder . . . no witnesses, no known links to the victim, an air-tight alibi with dozens of highly respected people, and the victim's body disposed of inside an active volcano ... and he was absolutely certain that he would get away with it, according to his twitter.
latest tweet. Mark Vernon
The war in Europe against Germany and the war in the Pacific against Japan continues to grind on. More and more gold stars appear in windows throughout the community. One of those stars particularly affected me. Word was received that Howard Manwaring had been killed in action in the invasion of Okinawa.
Howard was my hero. I was in the eighth grade when Howard was a senior in high school. Our high school, (Uintah High School), had won the region basketball championship. Howard was one of the stars on that team.
During the war, the state tournaments for football and basketball had been discontinued. So regions had been established throughout the state. Uintah High School won our region.
One time when I was fourteen years old, I was playing basketball with some friends on the school yard after school. Howard came along and wanted to play with us. Here was this high school senior who had recently been the star of the team that won the region championship and he wanted to play with a bunch of fourteen year old boys. We were all honored. He chose me and said that the two of us would play against the other four or five boys. I was so impressed that he wanted to play with younger boys and even more impressed that he had chosen me to be on his team.
The day after he graduated from high school, Howard joined the Marines. A few months later he was killed in action during the invasion of Okinawa.
At that early age I became aware of the stupidity and uselessness of wars. Unfortunately, the few that cause wars seldom have to personally participate in the wars they create.
Grandpa's creative writing awards.
The best lengthy vampire romance sentence - Slowly, wordlessly, Della gazed into Edwin's dark eyes and wondered if a human could ever learn to live with a vampire, and Edwin ... solemnly, deliberately, without any discernible movement ... looked into Della's eyes and wondered if his family would ever accept a mortal, while Jason, in the audience, looked at his watch again and wondered if an occasional bubble screen pass to the running back would help eliminate the predictability of the Colt's offense. - Richard Nash
The Best Reality Check sentence. - Upon reaching middle age he found that he cold afford to eat pizza anytime that he wanted, only to find that he could not afford to eat pizza anytime that he wanted. - Al Syers
The Best Happiest Dilemma sentence - The question in the village was not so much who would marry merry Mary as who would merry Mary marry? - Robert Layton
The Best Sweepstakes winner - Josh had committed the perfect murder . . . no witnesses, no known links to the victim, an air-tight alibi with dozens of highly respected people, and the victim's body disposed of inside an active volcano ... and he was absolutely certain that he would get away with it, according to his twitter.
latest tweet. Mark Vernon
Sunday, July 7, 2013
Exit from the Boy Scouts
While I was a Boy Scout I only went to one real honest to goodness Boy Scout camp. After that I was invited to not attend any future camps. And all because the inhabitants of our tent didn't outline the path to our tent with rocks. We felt that anyone who got close enough to our tent to see it, should be able to reach the door of the tent without the path being outlined with rocks.
I was staying in a tent with my cousin, Dick Hullinger, and my next door neighbor, Jim Montgomery. The camp was located in a beautiful national forest and the camp was about the size of a football field. Someone had built a log fence completely around the campsite. This fence wove through and around the trees and was about six feet high. Since the fence was built of logs in a horizontal arrangement we soon discovered that it was fun to walk along the top of the fence. We invented all kinds of games to play as we walked around the top of the entire fence. We soon started to use our timing watch to determine who could walk the fastest around the fence. It was even more fun to attempt to knock each other off the fence.
There were about five troops involved in this particular scout camp. Each troop was in competition with the other troops in such events as sports, map reading, building towers, and most important, camp cleanliness. We had a very good troop and were in a tight race for the total camp championship. All the scouts in our troop had been warned that it was very important each morning to roll up our sleeping bags and pick up any garbage in and around our tents. As a final touch that would ensure that our troop would win the championship, we were to outline the path to our tent door with a border of rocks.
On the final day of the camp, Jim, Dick and I prepared our breakfast of delivcous corn flakes. We had been arguing about who was the best fence walker. We knew that we should be outlining our path but felt that we had enough time to determine once and for all who was the best. Out of our tent and onto the fence we climbed leaving behind unrolled sleeping bags, dirty dishes, and no rocks along the path.
When we returned some twenty minutes later, there was our scout master, our troop leaders, and the second counselor in the Bishopric. They did not seem happy to see us and told us in unchristian like terms, that we were three slobs. They said we had disgraced the troop. While we were gone, the camp inspectors had inspected our tent. They said we had reached a new level of slovenliness. One of our pristine troop members said that if cleanliness is next to Godliness, then slovenliness is next to Satan. We were the cause of our troop not winning the grand championship. We were declared persona non grata at next years scout camp. It was several years before I finally learned what persona non grata meant. But I had a pretty good idea.
I guess if there is a moral to this story it is: When your camp leader tells you to put rocks along the path, don't look at him like he has rocks in his head; just do it. Some tunes you can hum while doing this are: Rock of Ages, I am a Rock, I"m caught between a rock and a hard place; Rock A Bye Baby; and We will, we will rock you.
Grandpa's health advice -
Yesterday I went to the doctor for my yearly physical. My blood pressure was high. My cholesterol was high. I'd gained some weight and I didn't feel so hot.
My doctor said eating right doesn't have to be complicated and it would solve most physical problems. He said: "Just think in colors. Fill you plate with bright colors. Try some greens, oranges, reds, maybe something yellow, etc."
So I went right home and ate an entire bowl of
M & M's
And, Sure Enough.
I felt better immediately!! I never knew eating right could be so easy!!
Now stay healthy, eat your colors and have a nice day.
I was staying in a tent with my cousin, Dick Hullinger, and my next door neighbor, Jim Montgomery. The camp was located in a beautiful national forest and the camp was about the size of a football field. Someone had built a log fence completely around the campsite. This fence wove through and around the trees and was about six feet high. Since the fence was built of logs in a horizontal arrangement we soon discovered that it was fun to walk along the top of the fence. We invented all kinds of games to play as we walked around the top of the entire fence. We soon started to use our timing watch to determine who could walk the fastest around the fence. It was even more fun to attempt to knock each other off the fence.
There were about five troops involved in this particular scout camp. Each troop was in competition with the other troops in such events as sports, map reading, building towers, and most important, camp cleanliness. We had a very good troop and were in a tight race for the total camp championship. All the scouts in our troop had been warned that it was very important each morning to roll up our sleeping bags and pick up any garbage in and around our tents. As a final touch that would ensure that our troop would win the championship, we were to outline the path to our tent door with a border of rocks.
On the final day of the camp, Jim, Dick and I prepared our breakfast of delivcous corn flakes. We had been arguing about who was the best fence walker. We knew that we should be outlining our path but felt that we had enough time to determine once and for all who was the best. Out of our tent and onto the fence we climbed leaving behind unrolled sleeping bags, dirty dishes, and no rocks along the path.
When we returned some twenty minutes later, there was our scout master, our troop leaders, and the second counselor in the Bishopric. They did not seem happy to see us and told us in unchristian like terms, that we were three slobs. They said we had disgraced the troop. While we were gone, the camp inspectors had inspected our tent. They said we had reached a new level of slovenliness. One of our pristine troop members said that if cleanliness is next to Godliness, then slovenliness is next to Satan. We were the cause of our troop not winning the grand championship. We were declared persona non grata at next years scout camp. It was several years before I finally learned what persona non grata meant. But I had a pretty good idea.
I guess if there is a moral to this story it is: When your camp leader tells you to put rocks along the path, don't look at him like he has rocks in his head; just do it. Some tunes you can hum while doing this are: Rock of Ages, I am a Rock, I"m caught between a rock and a hard place; Rock A Bye Baby; and We will, we will rock you.
Grandpa's health advice -
Yesterday I went to the doctor for my yearly physical. My blood pressure was high. My cholesterol was high. I'd gained some weight and I didn't feel so hot.
My doctor said eating right doesn't have to be complicated and it would solve most physical problems. He said: "Just think in colors. Fill you plate with bright colors. Try some greens, oranges, reds, maybe something yellow, etc."
So I went right home and ate an entire bowl of
M & M's
And, Sure Enough.
I felt better immediately!! I never knew eating right could be so easy!!
Now stay healthy, eat your colors and have a nice day.
Thursday, June 20, 2013
Learning to Drive
13 years old, 1943.
When I was thirteen years old, I started to drive the family car. The reason my father let me drive at such a young age was that my mother did not drive at all. Since Dad was working long hours, I was elected to chauffeur my mother whenever she needed to run necessary errands. Also, my father owned and operated a small grocery store. Many of his customers were older and did their grocery shopping over the telephone. They would call the store and request that the groceries be delivered. Since the store was a one-man operation, I was allowed to drive the car and deliver the groceries. My father had checked with Sammy Hatch, (who was the Utah State Highway Patrolman in Uintah and Duchesne counties in Utah),.as to whether a special driving permit could be obtained. The answer was no! There was not a special permit available. However, Sammy said he would not give me a ticket, but warned dad that if I was involved in an accident, it would be my fault even if it wasn't. So I started to drive, and I was delighted.
Our car was a 1935 Ford sedan. Because of the war, new automobiles were not available. All automobile production plants had been converted to the production of military vehicles. Let me describe this car: It had mechanical brakes rather than hydraulic brakes. This meant that much more pressure had to be put on the brake pedal and it took much longer to stop the car. Also, it did not have sealed-beam headlights. With these old type headlights, the beam would just barely reach over the front fenders. Part of the roof of this car was rag top, meaning that the top of the car was not all sheet metal. A big portion of the roof had a cloth covering. Over the years this covering had worn out and whenever it rained, the driver received a free shower. It was similar to sitting under a water fall. Also, the car did not have an automatic transmission. So in addition to avoiding telephone poles, it was necessary to shift gears manually to get the car moving or to go up over any incline in the road. I quickly discovered that the top speed was about 65 MPH and at that speed all kinds of interesting shakes and rumbles occurred. I also learned that there were few if any other cars on the road that were not faster. That didn't prevent me from challenging them. But who cared, I was still permitted to drive our car.
Good or Bad Economy?
I don't believe the government when they say our economy is on the verge of becoming good. I have my own method of evaluating our economy. The following indicators plainly show that the economy is bad, bad, bad!
1- I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail
2- I ordered a burger at McDonald's and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford it?"
3- McDonald's is now selling the 1/4 ouncer.
4- Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.
5- Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.
6- A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.
7- Motel Six won't leave the lights on anymore.
8- I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings retirement funds, etc. I called the Suicide Lifeline. I got a call center in Pakistan, and when I said I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked it I could drive a truck.
9- Congress says they are looking into the Bernard Madocc scandal. Oh Great!! The guy who made $50 billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!
10- The Secret Service scandal was discovered when a disagreement on how much a prostitute wanted for her services came to light. She wanted $800.00. The Secret Service Agent offered $30.00. How ironic is it that the only parson in Washington willing to cut spending gets fired?
An Old Farmer's Advice
Meanness don't jes' happen overnight.
Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.
Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen anyway.
Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't botherin' you none.
Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
A true statement - or so they say. - Lead cups were used to drink ale or whiskey in the 1500's. The combination would sometimes knock them out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a "wake".
Another groaner - A man rushed into the doctor's office and shouted, "Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!" The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll just have to be a little patient."
When I was thirteen years old, I started to drive the family car. The reason my father let me drive at such a young age was that my mother did not drive at all. Since Dad was working long hours, I was elected to chauffeur my mother whenever she needed to run necessary errands. Also, my father owned and operated a small grocery store. Many of his customers were older and did their grocery shopping over the telephone. They would call the store and request that the groceries be delivered. Since the store was a one-man operation, I was allowed to drive the car and deliver the groceries. My father had checked with Sammy Hatch, (who was the Utah State Highway Patrolman in Uintah and Duchesne counties in Utah),.as to whether a special driving permit could be obtained. The answer was no! There was not a special permit available. However, Sammy said he would not give me a ticket, but warned dad that if I was involved in an accident, it would be my fault even if it wasn't. So I started to drive, and I was delighted.
Our car was a 1935 Ford sedan. Because of the war, new automobiles were not available. All automobile production plants had been converted to the production of military vehicles. Let me describe this car: It had mechanical brakes rather than hydraulic brakes. This meant that much more pressure had to be put on the brake pedal and it took much longer to stop the car. Also, it did not have sealed-beam headlights. With these old type headlights, the beam would just barely reach over the front fenders. Part of the roof of this car was rag top, meaning that the top of the car was not all sheet metal. A big portion of the roof had a cloth covering. Over the years this covering had worn out and whenever it rained, the driver received a free shower. It was similar to sitting under a water fall. Also, the car did not have an automatic transmission. So in addition to avoiding telephone poles, it was necessary to shift gears manually to get the car moving or to go up over any incline in the road. I quickly discovered that the top speed was about 65 MPH and at that speed all kinds of interesting shakes and rumbles occurred. I also learned that there were few if any other cars on the road that were not faster. That didn't prevent me from challenging them. But who cared, I was still permitted to drive our car.
Good or Bad Economy?
I don't believe the government when they say our economy is on the verge of becoming good. I have my own method of evaluating our economy. The following indicators plainly show that the economy is bad, bad, bad!
1- I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail
2- I ordered a burger at McDonald's and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford it?"
3- McDonald's is now selling the 1/4 ouncer.
4- Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.
5- Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.
6- A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.
7- Motel Six won't leave the lights on anymore.
8- I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings retirement funds, etc. I called the Suicide Lifeline. I got a call center in Pakistan, and when I said I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked it I could drive a truck.
9- Congress says they are looking into the Bernard Madocc scandal. Oh Great!! The guy who made $50 billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!
10- The Secret Service scandal was discovered when a disagreement on how much a prostitute wanted for her services came to light. She wanted $800.00. The Secret Service Agent offered $30.00. How ironic is it that the only parson in Washington willing to cut spending gets fired?
An Old Farmer's Advice
Meanness don't jes' happen overnight.
Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.
Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen anyway.
Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't botherin' you none.
Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
A true statement - or so they say. - Lead cups were used to drink ale or whiskey in the 1500's. The combination would sometimes knock them out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a "wake".
Another groaner - A man rushed into the doctor's office and shouted, "Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!" The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll just have to be a little patient."
Saturday, June 15, 2013
Joining the Boy Scouts
1943, 13 years old
My church supported the Boy Scouts and in fact sponsored a troop in the Boy Scouts. Joining seemed to be the thing to do since all my friends were active in this troop. The entry level to the Scouts was designated as the Tenderfoot level. After you achieved certain goals you were promoted from a Tenderfoot scout to a Second-class scout, and beyond that to a First-class scout, then to a Star scout and finally to an Eagle Scout.
When you became an Eagle scout your parents made a big fuss about how special you were and gave you all kinds of privileges that were untouchable before.
One of the challenges a Tenderfoot scout was given was to start a campfire using only two matches and no paper. This was fairly easy if you had even a minimum amount of patience. Unfortunately, I was not on a first name relationship with patience. So, off to my scoutmaster's home I went to start a fire with only two matches.
He left me alone in his back yard to start the fire. I quickly gathered something that looked like it would burn and used the first match. No success. I didn't even get some smoke. Well, I thought, it will certainly catch fire with the second match. No sir, it didn't. I had come to the test with a good supply of extra matches in my pocket so continued to use the third, fourth, fifth and sixth matches. Still no fire. At this time I realized that I would have to do what I had been taught in scouting: i.e.gather a small amount of dried grass or small shavings of wood or small pieces of anything else that would quickly catch fire. I finally did this and in no time at all I had created a very healthy fire.
When the scoutmaster returned, there was a roaring fire and he asked me if I had used more than two matches. "Yes", I replied, " I used seven or eight" The scoutmaster seemed to be impressed with my honesty and said because I had told the truth, he would pass me even if I had used too many matches. He suggested that I obtain a automatic cigarette lighter and carry it with me if at any time in the future I was hiking into a wilderness area on a cold winter day.
If Biblical Headlines were written by today's liberal Media.
On David vs. Goliath: - Hate Crime Kills Beloved Champion. Psychologist questions influence of rock.
On Red Sea crossing: - Wetlands trampled in labor strike. Pursuing environmentalists killed.
On Elijah on Mt. Carmel: - Fire sends religious right extremist into frenzy. 400 killed.
On the Birth of Christ: - Hotels full; Animals left homeless.
At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and she said, "Johnny, what is the matter?" Little J. responded, "I have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife."
Grandpa's wisdom: You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing!
The Feds haven't found a way to tax us for laughing. But I'm certain they will soon come us with something.
My church supported the Boy Scouts and in fact sponsored a troop in the Boy Scouts. Joining seemed to be the thing to do since all my friends were active in this troop. The entry level to the Scouts was designated as the Tenderfoot level. After you achieved certain goals you were promoted from a Tenderfoot scout to a Second-class scout, and beyond that to a First-class scout, then to a Star scout and finally to an Eagle Scout.
When you became an Eagle scout your parents made a big fuss about how special you were and gave you all kinds of privileges that were untouchable before.
One of the challenges a Tenderfoot scout was given was to start a campfire using only two matches and no paper. This was fairly easy if you had even a minimum amount of patience. Unfortunately, I was not on a first name relationship with patience. So, off to my scoutmaster's home I went to start a fire with only two matches.
He left me alone in his back yard to start the fire. I quickly gathered something that looked like it would burn and used the first match. No success. I didn't even get some smoke. Well, I thought, it will certainly catch fire with the second match. No sir, it didn't. I had come to the test with a good supply of extra matches in my pocket so continued to use the third, fourth, fifth and sixth matches. Still no fire. At this time I realized that I would have to do what I had been taught in scouting: i.e.gather a small amount of dried grass or small shavings of wood or small pieces of anything else that would quickly catch fire. I finally did this and in no time at all I had created a very healthy fire.
When the scoutmaster returned, there was a roaring fire and he asked me if I had used more than two matches. "Yes", I replied, " I used seven or eight" The scoutmaster seemed to be impressed with my honesty and said because I had told the truth, he would pass me even if I had used too many matches. He suggested that I obtain a automatic cigarette lighter and carry it with me if at any time in the future I was hiking into a wilderness area on a cold winter day.
If Biblical Headlines were written by today's liberal Media.
On David vs. Goliath: - Hate Crime Kills Beloved Champion. Psychologist questions influence of rock.
On Red Sea crossing: - Wetlands trampled in labor strike. Pursuing environmentalists killed.
On Elijah on Mt. Carmel: - Fire sends religious right extremist into frenzy. 400 killed.
On the Birth of Christ: - Hotels full; Animals left homeless.
At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and she said, "Johnny, what is the matter?" Little J. responded, "I have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife."
Grandpa's wisdom: You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing!
The Feds haven't found a way to tax us for laughing. But I'm certain they will soon come us with something.
Women's Spec. sheet
I don't know who wrote this article about women. If I did know, I would certainly give them credit. You may have already read this, but it's so special, it won't hurt to read it again.
By the time the Lord made Woman, he was into his sixth day of working overtime. An angel appeared and said, "Why are you spending so much time on this one?" And the Lord answered, "Have you seen the spec. sheet on her?"
"She has to be completely washable, but not plastic, have over 200 parts, all replaceable, run on diet coke and leftovers, have a lap that can hold four children at one time, have a kiss that can cure anything from scraped knee to a broken heart and have two pairs of hands."
The angel was astounded at the requirements. "Two pairs of hands! No way! And that's just on the standard model? That's too much work for one day. Wait until tomorrow to finish."
"But I can't," the Lord said. "I am so close to finishing this creation that is so close to my own heart. She already heals herself when she is sick AND can work 18 hour days."
The angel moved closer and touched the woman. "But you have made her so soft, Lord." "She is soft," the Lord agreed, "but I have also made her tough. You have no idea what she can endure or accomplish."
"Will she be able to think," asked the angel. The Lord replied, "Not only will she be able to think, she will be able to reason and negotiate."
The angel then noticed something, and reaching out, touched the woman's cheek. "Oops, it looks like you have a leak in this model. I told you that you were trying to put too much into this one." "That's not a leak," the Lord corrected, "that's a tear!" What's the tear for?" the angel asked.
The Lord said, "The tear is her way of expressing her joy, her sorrow, her pain, her disappointment, her love, her loneliness, her grief and her pride."
The angel was impressed. "you are a genius, Lord. You thought of everything! Woman is truly amazing."
And she is! Women have strengths that amaze men.
* They bare hardships and they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy.
* They smile when they want to scream.
* They sing when they want to cry.
* They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous.
* They fight for what they believe in.
* They stand up to injustice.
* They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe there is a better solution.
* They go without, so their family can have.
* They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
* They love unconditionally.
* They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards.
* They are happy when they hear about a birth or a wedding. Their hearts break when a friend dies.
* They grieve at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.
* They know that a hug and a kiss can help to heal a broken heart.
* The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning! They bring joy and hope.
* They have compassion and ideals.
* They give moral support to family and friends.
Woman has vital things to say and everything to give. Woman come in all sizes, in all colors and shapes. They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you.
Following is some Wisdom from an elderly Navajo women: -
For all of us who are married, were married, wish you were married, or wish you weren't married, this is something to smile about the next time you serve wine.
Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona. She saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. Since the trip was long, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride.
With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car. Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally.
What's in the bag?" asked the old woman. Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, "It's a bottle of wine, I got it for my husband."
The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said, "Good trade."
By the time the Lord made Woman, he was into his sixth day of working overtime. An angel appeared and said, "Why are you spending so much time on this one?" And the Lord answered, "Have you seen the spec. sheet on her?"
"She has to be completely washable, but not plastic, have over 200 parts, all replaceable, run on diet coke and leftovers, have a lap that can hold four children at one time, have a kiss that can cure anything from scraped knee to a broken heart and have two pairs of hands."
The angel was astounded at the requirements. "Two pairs of hands! No way! And that's just on the standard model? That's too much work for one day. Wait until tomorrow to finish."
"But I can't," the Lord said. "I am so close to finishing this creation that is so close to my own heart. She already heals herself when she is sick AND can work 18 hour days."
The angel moved closer and touched the woman. "But you have made her so soft, Lord." "She is soft," the Lord agreed, "but I have also made her tough. You have no idea what she can endure or accomplish."
"Will she be able to think," asked the angel. The Lord replied, "Not only will she be able to think, she will be able to reason and negotiate."
The angel then noticed something, and reaching out, touched the woman's cheek. "Oops, it looks like you have a leak in this model. I told you that you were trying to put too much into this one." "That's not a leak," the Lord corrected, "that's a tear!" What's the tear for?" the angel asked.
The Lord said, "The tear is her way of expressing her joy, her sorrow, her pain, her disappointment, her love, her loneliness, her grief and her pride."
The angel was impressed. "you are a genius, Lord. You thought of everything! Woman is truly amazing."
And she is! Women have strengths that amaze men.
* They bare hardships and they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy.
* They smile when they want to scream.
* They sing when they want to cry.
* They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous.
* They fight for what they believe in.
* They stand up to injustice.
* They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe there is a better solution.
* They go without, so their family can have.
* They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
* They love unconditionally.
* They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards.
* They are happy when they hear about a birth or a wedding. Their hearts break when a friend dies.
* They grieve at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.
* They know that a hug and a kiss can help to heal a broken heart.
* The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning! They bring joy and hope.
* They have compassion and ideals.
* They give moral support to family and friends.
Woman has vital things to say and everything to give. Woman come in all sizes, in all colors and shapes. They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you.
Following is some Wisdom from an elderly Navajo women: -
For all of us who are married, were married, wish you were married, or wish you weren't married, this is something to smile about the next time you serve wine.
Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona. She saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. Since the trip was long, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride.
With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car. Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally.
What's in the bag?" asked the old woman. Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, "It's a bottle of wine, I got it for my husband."
The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said, "Good trade."
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