I know I've already mentioned the butchering of chickens as one of the many farm family activities involving my mother. However, in the event that one of the ten readers of this blog is planning to raise and eat chickens in the future, following is a detailed, no fail, essential instruction sheet for success in this venture. If you follow these instructions, a delicious meal of fried chickens will be the result.
CAUTION, CAUTION, Viewer discretion is advised. These instructions may be offensive to some viewers. If you are a member of PETA it may be wise to stop reading at this point.
Instruction #1 - It is far better to butcher a chicken in the evening. The chickens have roosted and you can quickly grab a chicken off the roost. If you prefer to do this in daylight hours, be prepared for a lengthy chase around the farm yard.
Instruction #2 - Choosing the chicken to be your next delicious meal. You never choose a chicken to be your next meal if the chicken is laying eggs. There are two ways of determining this. One, you can move a chair into the chicken house and for twenty-four hours closely watch whether or not the chicken lays an egg. This is the preferred method for those of you who have way to much time on your hands. But, this method interferes with watching your favorite soup box drama or sporting event on TV. Why, you ask.
Because there is no TV in the chicken house.
The second way to determine if a chicken is laying eggs may be a bit repulsive to some of the human female gender. You simply grab the chicken, turn it upside down, and feel for two bones in the rear-end of the chicken. Remember, you are looking for bones only. Don't become intrigued or confused as to why you are examining the rear-end of the chicken. If the two bones are close together, the chicken is not laying eggs and should be scheduled for the cooking pot. If, on the other hand, the two bones are well separated you can assume that the chicken is now laying eggs and should be given preferential treatment.
Instruction #3 - Choosing the method of killing the chicken. Some farmers prefer using a chopping block. They have placed a large tree-stump near the chicken house. They also have a sharp ax close at hand and when the correct chicken is identified, -- chop! off goes the head. On the other hand some farmers do not have a tree stump available and have a hard time locating any tools including an ax. Therefore, they simply grab the chicken firmly by the head and swing it around over their head. After a few swings the head of the chicken departs form the body. Either of these methods are equally effective. See, I warned all PETA members and those easily offended, not read this blog.
Instruction #4 - It is preferable to have an assistant while butchering the chicken. The reason for this is that the chicken refuses to die peacefully. Once the head is separated, the chicken does not lie down gracefully, but rather flip-flops around the farmyard looking for its lost head. Some times the flip-flops moves the chicken some distance from the point of the butchering. Since this butchering mostly occurs at night the chicken can easily be lost. The assistant can keep track of each of the butchered chickens.
Instruction #5 - What do you do with feathers? I've never heard of anyone eating the feathers, therefore they must be removed before the chicken is fried. As the chickens were being "butchered" a large kettle of boiling water is being prepared on a stove in the farm house. The butchered chickens are returned to the house and then placed in the boiling water for a short time. The purpose of this is that the feathers can then be removed very quickly and easily. Without this step, it would take several hours to removed all the feathers from a single chicken. These feathers are usually saved and used to fill future pillows and cushions.
Instruction #6 - What about the insides of the chicken? Good question. We certainly do not want the insides to be included as part of the fried chicken. This is quickly solved by a few precise strokes of a sharp knife. The chicken is quickly "degutted" and the insides are fed to any cats or dogs that may be hanging around. Some farmers salvage the gizzard and heart claiming these parts are especially tasty.
This completes the instructions for preparing a chicken for the frying pan. If you feel these instructions qualify as a civic service then a monetary donation will not be rejected. However, if this message causes you to vomit and be thoroughly disgusted, then I don't want to hear about it. You were warned and therefore you don't stand a chance in Hell of winning a legal suit against the author of this blog.
Thursday, May 2, 2013
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Memories of Mom, #2
Age 7.
My Mom was always busy. I can never remember my Mom sitting on a couch with her feet up on a foot stool, listening to the radio or reading a book, In those days, when a young woman agreed to become the wife of her favorite boy friend, she automatically signed a contract to become the chairman of the board, the president, the secretary, the chief medical adviser, the family seamstress, the dietitian, the master chef, the social secretary, the gardener and the religious adviser of the new family. If she was lucky, her mother had trained he well in all these areas. If she was not lucky, she would have to learn all these positions while more than likely her husband was making stupid comments such as, "well that's not the way my mother did it." or "Sweetheart, I'm fix'n to go fishing with my bothers this weekend. Will you please prepare a two day camping package, including food!"
Following are a few of the unique responsibilities she inherited as a new wife.
Darning stockings: Just because a hole was worn in a stocking was no reason to discard the stocking. Mother just mended the stocking. She usually left this task until late in the evening just before bedtime. She would insert a light bulb into the stocking and then using yarn would weave back and forth until she had created a new piece of cloth to fill the hole. I was happy when she was mending stockings because she could talk to me while she darned.
Canning fruit and vegetables. This was called "canning" even though cans were never used. I guess it was easier to say "canning" than to say "bottling". This "canning" became a major task during the Autumn season. I can remember that corn, beans, tomatoes, apples, peaches, pears, pickles and jams and jellies were "canned" in quart bottles and then stored to be consumed during the winter months.
Butchering chickens - Although this was a family operation, Mom was definitely the Commander-in-chief. She would order my father and me to the chicken coop to butcher a certain number of chickens. After this was done, my mother was in charge of removing the feathers. She then gave the chickens to my father for the "gutting" or removing the insides of the chickens. She then instructed my father to cut the chickens into breasts, wings, drumsticks, thighs, and backs. The chicken was now ready to be fried at tomorrow's dinner; featuring fried chicken..
One of Grandpa's favorite OPP's (old people poems)
A row of bottles on my shelf, Caused me to analyze myself.
One yellow pill I have to pop, Goes to my heart so it won't stop.
A little white one that I take, Goes to my hands so they won't shake.
The blue ones that I use a lot, Tell me I'm happy when I'm not.
The purple pill goes to my brain, And tells me that I have no pain.
The capsules tell me not to wheeze, Or cough or choke or even sneeze.
The red ones, smallest of them all, Go to my blood so the pressure won't fall.
The orange ones, very big and bright, Prevent my leg cramps in the night.
Such an array of brilliant pills, Helping to cure all kinds of ills.
But what I'd really like to know, is what tells each one where to go!
My Mom was always busy. I can never remember my Mom sitting on a couch with her feet up on a foot stool, listening to the radio or reading a book, In those days, when a young woman agreed to become the wife of her favorite boy friend, she automatically signed a contract to become the chairman of the board, the president, the secretary, the chief medical adviser, the family seamstress, the dietitian, the master chef, the social secretary, the gardener and the religious adviser of the new family. If she was lucky, her mother had trained he well in all these areas. If she was not lucky, she would have to learn all these positions while more than likely her husband was making stupid comments such as, "well that's not the way my mother did it." or "Sweetheart, I'm fix'n to go fishing with my bothers this weekend. Will you please prepare a two day camping package, including food!"
Following are a few of the unique responsibilities she inherited as a new wife.
Darning stockings: Just because a hole was worn in a stocking was no reason to discard the stocking. Mother just mended the stocking. She usually left this task until late in the evening just before bedtime. She would insert a light bulb into the stocking and then using yarn would weave back and forth until she had created a new piece of cloth to fill the hole. I was happy when she was mending stockings because she could talk to me while she darned.
Canning fruit and vegetables. This was called "canning" even though cans were never used. I guess it was easier to say "canning" than to say "bottling". This "canning" became a major task during the Autumn season. I can remember that corn, beans, tomatoes, apples, peaches, pears, pickles and jams and jellies were "canned" in quart bottles and then stored to be consumed during the winter months.
Butchering chickens - Although this was a family operation, Mom was definitely the Commander-in-chief. She would order my father and me to the chicken coop to butcher a certain number of chickens. After this was done, my mother was in charge of removing the feathers. She then gave the chickens to my father for the "gutting" or removing the insides of the chickens. She then instructed my father to cut the chickens into breasts, wings, drumsticks, thighs, and backs. The chicken was now ready to be fried at tomorrow's dinner; featuring fried chicken..
One of Grandpa's favorite OPP's (old people poems)
A row of bottles on my shelf, Caused me to analyze myself.
One yellow pill I have to pop, Goes to my heart so it won't stop.
A little white one that I take, Goes to my hands so they won't shake.
The blue ones that I use a lot, Tell me I'm happy when I'm not.
The purple pill goes to my brain, And tells me that I have no pain.
The capsules tell me not to wheeze, Or cough or choke or even sneeze.
The red ones, smallest of them all, Go to my blood so the pressure won't fall.
The orange ones, very big and bright, Prevent my leg cramps in the night.
Such an array of brilliant pills, Helping to cure all kinds of ills.
But what I'd really like to know, is what tells each one where to go!
Monday, April 29, 2013
Memories of Mom, #1
In addition to daily duties such as preparing three meals, washing dishes, cleaning the kitchen, keeping the house clean and orderly, washing and ironing clothes, ,mending clothes and darning stockings and making certain that I had at least one weekly bath, my mother always seem to be busy doing something. One of these things was the yearly project of making soap. I don't know if housewives made soap because it wasn't available in stores or (since this was during the great depression) they just couldn't afford to buy soap.
So housewives made their own soap. First, the soap was made outside the house because it was absolutely the worse smelling stuff ever created.in God's world. You couldn't live in a house where soap had been made. Therefore, my Mom made soap outdoors in our back yard. I noticed that all the farm animals fled to the opposite side of our farm when soap was being made.
During the year, Mom had collected all the fats or grease or lard used to fry meats. After the cooking was completed, she would pour this fat into tin cans and save it in one of the sheds located out side of the house. On soap making day, my Mom used a large cast iron kettle to make the soap. This kettle was used only one time a year. She would build a fire in our back yard as far away from the house as possible. The kettle was placed onto the fire and only three ingredients were poured into the kettle. These three ingredients were fat, water and 100% Lye. The Lye had to be purchased from a grocery store. After some time and after the mixture was tested in certain ways that only mothers knew, the mixture was poured onto a flat, galvanized pan. This mixture was then allowed to harden for several hours or even overnight. The soap was then cut into the proper size pieces.
This home-made soap was used for all cleaning projects such as Saturday night baths, mopping floors, washing dirty clothes and dishes and washing hands before each meal. I tell you this soap could remove the worst dirt, not to mention human skin.
Some more GROANERS found in recently discovered ancient scriptures.
What did Noah say as he was loading the Ark? "Now I herd everything."
Why did the people on the ark think the horses were pessimistic? "They kept saying neigh."
What animal could Noah not trust? "The Cheetah".
Why couldn't they play cards on the ark? Noah was sitting on the deck."
Was Noah the first one out of the Ark? "No, he came fourth out of the ark."
Where did Noah keep the bees? "In the ark hives."
Why couldn't Noah catch many fish? "He only had two worms."
Where was Noah when the lights went out? "In d'ark."
So housewives made their own soap. First, the soap was made outside the house because it was absolutely the worse smelling stuff ever created.in God's world. You couldn't live in a house where soap had been made. Therefore, my Mom made soap outdoors in our back yard. I noticed that all the farm animals fled to the opposite side of our farm when soap was being made.
During the year, Mom had collected all the fats or grease or lard used to fry meats. After the cooking was completed, she would pour this fat into tin cans and save it in one of the sheds located out side of the house. On soap making day, my Mom used a large cast iron kettle to make the soap. This kettle was used only one time a year. She would build a fire in our back yard as far away from the house as possible. The kettle was placed onto the fire and only three ingredients were poured into the kettle. These three ingredients were fat, water and 100% Lye. The Lye had to be purchased from a grocery store. After some time and after the mixture was tested in certain ways that only mothers knew, the mixture was poured onto a flat, galvanized pan. This mixture was then allowed to harden for several hours or even overnight. The soap was then cut into the proper size pieces.
This home-made soap was used for all cleaning projects such as Saturday night baths, mopping floors, washing dirty clothes and dishes and washing hands before each meal. I tell you this soap could remove the worst dirt, not to mention human skin.
Some more GROANERS found in recently discovered ancient scriptures.
What did Noah say as he was loading the Ark? "Now I herd everything."
Why did the people on the ark think the horses were pessimistic? "They kept saying neigh."
What animal could Noah not trust? "The Cheetah".
Why couldn't they play cards on the ark? Noah was sitting on the deck."
Was Noah the first one out of the Ark? "No, he came fourth out of the ark."
Where did Noah keep the bees? "In the ark hives."
Why couldn't Noah catch many fish? "He only had two worms."
Where was Noah when the lights went out? "In d'ark."
Friday, April 26, 2013
Origin of new Chicks
At one time during the history of farming, little chicks were created the old fashioned way. In early spring, farmers simply turned a Rooster loose among the hens. The Rooster was delighted to do his thing. After most of the hens had been fertilized, the farmer killed and ate the rooster. The hen would lay her eggs in a straw nest and then sit on the eggs until they started to hatch. By sitting on the eggs, the hen maintained the proper temperature for the development of the chick. The hen would also roll the eggs over on a regular basis so the temperature was uniform throughout the egg. This method of getting chicks was not very efficient. Sometimes the hen would just get tired of sitting on her nest twenty-four hours a day and would simply abandon the whole project. Even if she completed the job, the percentage of eggs that hatched was disappointing.
During the 1930's, chicken hatcheries began operating. The hens still had to be fertilized by a Rooster, but this was more of a mass-production type of fertilization. The Rooster was not personally involved. This, of course, took all of the fun out of personal fertilization by the Rooster, but chicken hatcheries were far more efficient. In a chicken hatchery, the eggs from fertilized Chickens are gathered, kept warm, and moved and sorted almost continuously from the time they are layed. Eventually they reach a point along the production line where the chicks begin to peck their way out of the shell. When this pecking is completed they are shipped all over the United States via U.S. parcel post.
You knew the chicks had arrived at a local post office because you could hear the cheeping of those cute little chicks all over town.. When I heard that the chicks had arrived, I hurried to the post office so I could see the chicks before the farmers arrived and transferred their chicks to their farms. There was usually a kind post office employ who would remove the top of a box so I could observe those cute little chicks.
Coincidentally, the roosters didn't take the loss (of their roll in creating new chicks) lying down. I understand they formed a national organization and asked the ACLU for assistance in returning to the original fertilization method. The ACLU refused and stated they were not interested in the birth of chicks. They were far too busy defending the rights of humans to murder their babies. The Rooster then submitted their case to the Federal Advisory Council on Historic Preservation. The Roosters maintained that their personal involvement in the fertilization process was historic. In fact, they argued that this procedure of fertilization began at the time of Adam and Eve and any change in this tradition would adversely effect their religious heritage. This was a mistake on the part of the Roosters. The Advisory Council stated they couldn't support any one who believed the Adam and Eve story.
The Roosters then approached the Republican National Committee , thinking perhaps they would support their cause. The Republicans stated it was a good cause, but asked what the costs would be and how would it affect unemployment. They wanted the Roosters to submit an itemized analysis of costs and benefits, projected over a 25 year period. Since the Roosters did not have an accountant or politician in their flock, they were forced to cancel their request.
The Progressives, ( the political party of the little people) sided with the Roosters.but mentioned that they did not believe that any sensible person would believe in the Adam & Eve story. They maintained the creation of chicks occurred during the Big Bang and therefore would not help the Roosters.
The president was also involved in this discussion and stated that this procedure was absolutely unfair. Since we must be fair to Roosters, he issued an executive order to the Department of Agriculture to publish a document making it mandatory to create chicks the old fashioned way. The Department of Agriculture asked the Senate for assistance in writing this document. The Senate turned the project over to their legal department (consisting of 750 attorney's none of whom knew what a Rooster looked like). At last count, the Department of Agriculture document was now 7,250 pages long and still growing. Upon examination of the proposed document, it was found to include 232 bills that had nothing to do with Roosters, but would have cost the taxpayer 1.5 trillion if left in the Rooster bill.
The Roosters are growing impatient and are now proceeding to appeal to the Supreme Court for justice. The Supreme court issued an preliminary ruling that a circuit court must first consider this problem.
The State Department became involved in this project and said that all new chicks should be obtained from Afghanistan They ordered that a gift of 7.7 billion dollars be sent to Afghanistan to help them start raising chicks. They said this gift would improve our relationship with the down trodden countries of the world. This refers, of course, to all the countries who are busy training men to sneak into our country and destroy everyone and everything including the Roosters.
If after reading this blog you may get a vague impression that I don't have much faith in our Federal Government; you are absolutely right.
Lots of luck to the Roosters.
During the 1930's, chicken hatcheries began operating. The hens still had to be fertilized by a Rooster, but this was more of a mass-production type of fertilization. The Rooster was not personally involved. This, of course, took all of the fun out of personal fertilization by the Rooster, but chicken hatcheries were far more efficient. In a chicken hatchery, the eggs from fertilized Chickens are gathered, kept warm, and moved and sorted almost continuously from the time they are layed. Eventually they reach a point along the production line where the chicks begin to peck their way out of the shell. When this pecking is completed they are shipped all over the United States via U.S. parcel post.
You knew the chicks had arrived at a local post office because you could hear the cheeping of those cute little chicks all over town.. When I heard that the chicks had arrived, I hurried to the post office so I could see the chicks before the farmers arrived and transferred their chicks to their farms. There was usually a kind post office employ who would remove the top of a box so I could observe those cute little chicks.
Coincidentally, the roosters didn't take the loss (of their roll in creating new chicks) lying down. I understand they formed a national organization and asked the ACLU for assistance in returning to the original fertilization method. The ACLU refused and stated they were not interested in the birth of chicks. They were far too busy defending the rights of humans to murder their babies. The Rooster then submitted their case to the Federal Advisory Council on Historic Preservation. The Roosters maintained that their personal involvement in the fertilization process was historic. In fact, they argued that this procedure of fertilization began at the time of Adam and Eve and any change in this tradition would adversely effect their religious heritage. This was a mistake on the part of the Roosters. The Advisory Council stated they couldn't support any one who believed the Adam and Eve story.
The Roosters then approached the Republican National Committee , thinking perhaps they would support their cause. The Republicans stated it was a good cause, but asked what the costs would be and how would it affect unemployment. They wanted the Roosters to submit an itemized analysis of costs and benefits, projected over a 25 year period. Since the Roosters did not have an accountant or politician in their flock, they were forced to cancel their request.
The Progressives, ( the political party of the little people) sided with the Roosters.but mentioned that they did not believe that any sensible person would believe in the Adam & Eve story. They maintained the creation of chicks occurred during the Big Bang and therefore would not help the Roosters.
The president was also involved in this discussion and stated that this procedure was absolutely unfair. Since we must be fair to Roosters, he issued an executive order to the Department of Agriculture to publish a document making it mandatory to create chicks the old fashioned way. The Department of Agriculture asked the Senate for assistance in writing this document. The Senate turned the project over to their legal department (consisting of 750 attorney's none of whom knew what a Rooster looked like). At last count, the Department of Agriculture document was now 7,250 pages long and still growing. Upon examination of the proposed document, it was found to include 232 bills that had nothing to do with Roosters, but would have cost the taxpayer 1.5 trillion if left in the Rooster bill.
The Roosters are growing impatient and are now proceeding to appeal to the Supreme Court for justice. The Supreme court issued an preliminary ruling that a circuit court must first consider this problem.
The State Department became involved in this project and said that all new chicks should be obtained from Afghanistan They ordered that a gift of 7.7 billion dollars be sent to Afghanistan to help them start raising chicks. They said this gift would improve our relationship with the down trodden countries of the world. This refers, of course, to all the countries who are busy training men to sneak into our country and destroy everyone and everything including the Roosters.
If after reading this blog you may get a vague impression that I don't have much faith in our Federal Government; you are absolutely right.
Lots of luck to the Roosters.
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
More memories of first grade
Age 6
My first grade teacher was Mrs. Stringham. I remember learning to read from Dick and Jane books. See Jane, see Dick, see Spot. See Jane run, see Dick run, see Spot run. Eventually Dick and Jane did more things than just run and we learned new words. We learned by repetition and memorization.
I remember once we were told to read from a new book while sitting at our desks. Mrs. Stringham said that if we came to a word we didn't know to raise our hand and she would come and explain the word. I came to a word I didn't know but I didn't want to ask the teacher so, I just skipped over the word. That's like not wanting to ask for directions when you're lost. It's a man thing. Anyway, I finally realized that I hadn't raised my hand yet and maybe I had better do this or the teacher would become suspicious. So when I came to the next word I didn't know, up went my hand. The teacher looked at the word and then pointed out that I had already read that word eight times on that very page. "How come you suddenly forgot that word?" she asked. I was so embarrassed, and then I made an even more dumb comment which was:
"I have a very short memory."
Grandpa's wisdom: Later in life I determined that I was not the only person who had said dumb things
President Calvin Coolidge: "When more and more people are thrown out of work unemployment results.
Marion Barry, Washington, D.C., mayor: "Outside of the killings, we have one of the lowest crime rates."
President George Bush: "I have opinions of my own, strong opinions, but I don't always agree with them."
Chicago mayor Richard Daley: "Get this thing straight once and for all. The policeman isn't there to create disorder. The policeman is there to preserve disorder."
And the dumbest of all:
Nancy Pelosi, giving instructions to the U.S. House of Representatives: "We have to pass the bill in order to know what's in the bill."
My first grade teacher was Mrs. Stringham. I remember learning to read from Dick and Jane books. See Jane, see Dick, see Spot. See Jane run, see Dick run, see Spot run. Eventually Dick and Jane did more things than just run and we learned new words. We learned by repetition and memorization.
I remember once we were told to read from a new book while sitting at our desks. Mrs. Stringham said that if we came to a word we didn't know to raise our hand and she would come and explain the word. I came to a word I didn't know but I didn't want to ask the teacher so, I just skipped over the word. That's like not wanting to ask for directions when you're lost. It's a man thing. Anyway, I finally realized that I hadn't raised my hand yet and maybe I had better do this or the teacher would become suspicious. So when I came to the next word I didn't know, up went my hand. The teacher looked at the word and then pointed out that I had already read that word eight times on that very page. "How come you suddenly forgot that word?" she asked. I was so embarrassed, and then I made an even more dumb comment which was:
"I have a very short memory."
Grandpa's wisdom: Later in life I determined that I was not the only person who had said dumb things
President Calvin Coolidge: "When more and more people are thrown out of work unemployment results.
Marion Barry, Washington, D.C., mayor: "Outside of the killings, we have one of the lowest crime rates."
President George Bush: "I have opinions of my own, strong opinions, but I don't always agree with them."
Chicago mayor Richard Daley: "Get this thing straight once and for all. The policeman isn't there to create disorder. The policeman is there to preserve disorder."
And the dumbest of all:
Nancy Pelosi, giving instructions to the U.S. House of Representatives: "We have to pass the bill in order to know what's in the bill."
Monday, April 22, 2013
The straw stack
As an introduction to the straw stack story, I need to describe the harvesting of wheat. My father had about a four acre field of wheat. Years ago, when a field of wheat had rippened, it was cut by men and women manually cutting it with scythes. The wheat was then manually bundled and tied. The bundles were then stood upright so that wheat could dry properly. Later these bundles were manually carried to a point where the wheat was seperated from the stalks. This was usually done by placing the wheat on some kind of screen and then walking on the wheat bundles. The wheat would fall through the screen and was then bagged and the dry stalks had become straw to be used around the farm.
By the time I arrived on the scene, the wheat was cut by a mowing maching powered by a team of horses. Later an atachment to the mowing machine was developed that automatically bundled and tied the wheat.. These bundles were manually stood upright and eventually transported to a threshing machine that seperated the wheat from the stalks.
The threshing machine was an enormous machine powered by a long leather belt that stretched from the tractor to the threshing machine. The bundles of wheat were fed into one end of the machine where huge knife like fingers grabbed the bundles and seperated the wheat from the stalks. The wheat was than forced through a spout where it was dumped into burrlap bags and later hauled to a granary for storage. The stalks (which had become straw) was blown through a long spout into what soon became a stack of straw. This whole operation was extremely noisey. It was very exciting for a six year old boy to stand and watch the threshing operation.
I was six years old at the time of this story. The new straw stack was located just a few feet from the chicken house. I remember thinking what a thrill it would be to run down the roof of the chicken house and jump into the new straw stack. Dad must have read my mind because the last thing he said that morning as he left for work was: "Glen, I don't want you to play in that new straw. I need it for other things."
Talk about temptation. I was able to resist the temptation until about noon. But then the thought came into my mind that one little jump could not do any harm. I climbed to the highest point on the roof of the chicken house, turned and ran down the roof and leaped into the straw. It was glorious. It was too much fun to stop at just one jump so I did the same thing again. Unfortunately, some of my friends saw me having so much fun and decided to join me. Within minutes every young boy in the neighborhood was running down the roof and jumping into the straw. We did straight jumps, belly whoppers and sumersaults. Withing minutes that straw stack was completely flattened. When Dad came home that night the straw stack had disappeared.
I'm not going to bore you with an account of what happened when my father came home that night. Needless so say, it was not pleasant. However, the most unpleasant thing was the lecture I received and the subsequent knowledge I had that my father was totally displeased with me. I certainly was a slow learner. But I may be learning that there are consequences for completely ignoring your father.
By the time I arrived on the scene, the wheat was cut by a mowing maching powered by a team of horses. Later an atachment to the mowing machine was developed that automatically bundled and tied the wheat.. These bundles were manually stood upright and eventually transported to a threshing machine that seperated the wheat from the stalks.
The threshing machine was an enormous machine powered by a long leather belt that stretched from the tractor to the threshing machine. The bundles of wheat were fed into one end of the machine where huge knife like fingers grabbed the bundles and seperated the wheat from the stalks. The wheat was than forced through a spout where it was dumped into burrlap bags and later hauled to a granary for storage. The stalks (which had become straw) was blown through a long spout into what soon became a stack of straw. This whole operation was extremely noisey. It was very exciting for a six year old boy to stand and watch the threshing operation.
I was six years old at the time of this story. The new straw stack was located just a few feet from the chicken house. I remember thinking what a thrill it would be to run down the roof of the chicken house and jump into the new straw stack. Dad must have read my mind because the last thing he said that morning as he left for work was: "Glen, I don't want you to play in that new straw. I need it for other things."
Talk about temptation. I was able to resist the temptation until about noon. But then the thought came into my mind that one little jump could not do any harm. I climbed to the highest point on the roof of the chicken house, turned and ran down the roof and leaped into the straw. It was glorious. It was too much fun to stop at just one jump so I did the same thing again. Unfortunately, some of my friends saw me having so much fun and decided to join me. Within minutes every young boy in the neighborhood was running down the roof and jumping into the straw. We did straight jumps, belly whoppers and sumersaults. Withing minutes that straw stack was completely flattened. When Dad came home that night the straw stack had disappeared.
I'm not going to bore you with an account of what happened when my father came home that night. Needless so say, it was not pleasant. However, the most unpleasant thing was the lecture I received and the subsequent knowledge I had that my father was totally displeased with me. I certainly was a slow learner. But I may be learning that there are consequences for completely ignoring your father.
Friday, April 19, 2013
Final, NYC or Bust #8
We were successful in gaining entrance into Canada and continued our journey through Canada to Detroit, Michigan. The trip through Canada was uneventful except that we got terribly lost. We started out from Niagara Falls on a four lane highway. Before long we were traveling on a two land highway. A few miles further the road had turned into a graveled surface road. And a few miles beyond that we were traveling on a dirt road that ended at a cow pasture. We sat for a few minutes and watched a farmer milking his cow. That was the extent of our Canada adventure.
It didn't take an engineering degree for us to realize we were lost. Two members of our crew had driven since we left Niagara. So the third party proceeded to relate how utterly stupid the two drivers were. The drivers responded by pointing out that the third member was the designated navigator and it was obvious that he had failed to perform this assignment satisfactorily. It appears that the three participants in this great adventure were getting extremely tired of each other.
We back tracked to the four-land highway and this time we were successful in reaching and re-entering the USA. at Detroit, Michigan. Hurray!
During our travel across Michigan, we experienced our only traffic accident. We were traveling on a two lane highway (one lane each way) that had a very deep gutter on each side of the road. Occasionally an exit bridge had been built by filling in the gutter with dirt that allowed a driver to exit into his farm. Jack was driving and was following an old, slow moving, truck. He finally reached a straight stretch of road with no oncoming traffic and attempted to pass the truck. Just as we moved along side of the truck, the driver came to an exit bridge that led to his farm house. Without signaling (according to Jack) the driver turned left onto the dirt bridge. Jack's only options were to hit the truck broadside or crash down into the very deep gutter or turn left and try to squeeze onto the exit bridge along side the truck. Jack chose the latter option. Unfortunately, because of the narrowness of the exit bridge, the two vehicles collided. It didn't cause any damage to the truck but it did put a deep dent into the passenger-side front door.
The truck driver insisted that he had signaled and the collision was our fault and he was not responsible for any damage that occurred to our car. Hey, we were happy to have survived and left there as quickly as possible. Besides, the dent in the door seemed to fit in nicely with the over all appearance of the car. Later in the day we tried to roll up the window and discovered that there was no longer a window. The collision had shattered the window and it was now small pieces inside the door.
After this experience, we all wanted to get home as quickly as possible. We decided to drive twenty-four hours a day and stop only for gas and hamburgers. If we all became exhausted and needed sleep at the same time, we would simply sleep at the side of the road. We had been on the road fifteen days and thoroughly detested each other and the car. We spent the last twenty-four hours in an intense argument whether the Vernal Bank or the Uintah State Bank was the best. Not one of us a penny in either bank. We were just sick of each other and needed something to argue about.
We arrived back home after sixteen days on the road. After a good nights rest we recovered from our exhaustion and were able to tell anyone who would listen all about out marvelous adventures. By far, the 1930, model A, Ford sedan suffered the most from this trip. It returned with a broken starter and would not start unless it was pushed, a missing hood over the engine, a dent in the passenger-side door, a shattered window inside the door and the sign "New York or Bust" painted on both sides and the rear of the car.
I had left home with $100.00. I returned home sixteen days later with $67.00. You can see that I was not afraid to spend money to have a good time.
Granpa's humor?
Today's groaner: There was a man who entered a local newspaper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
Church bulletin -- Miss Charlene Mason sang, "I Will Not Pass This Way Again", giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
Truth's I have learned during this life: Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-o to a tree.
Genealogy truths: Genealogists live in the past lane.
Another groaner: A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and met in the lobby where they were discussing their recent victories in chess tournaments. The hotel manager came out of the office after an hour, and asked them to disperse. He couldn't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.
It didn't take an engineering degree for us to realize we were lost. Two members of our crew had driven since we left Niagara. So the third party proceeded to relate how utterly stupid the two drivers were. The drivers responded by pointing out that the third member was the designated navigator and it was obvious that he had failed to perform this assignment satisfactorily. It appears that the three participants in this great adventure were getting extremely tired of each other.
We back tracked to the four-land highway and this time we were successful in reaching and re-entering the USA. at Detroit, Michigan. Hurray!
During our travel across Michigan, we experienced our only traffic accident. We were traveling on a two lane highway (one lane each way) that had a very deep gutter on each side of the road. Occasionally an exit bridge had been built by filling in the gutter with dirt that allowed a driver to exit into his farm. Jack was driving and was following an old, slow moving, truck. He finally reached a straight stretch of road with no oncoming traffic and attempted to pass the truck. Just as we moved along side of the truck, the driver came to an exit bridge that led to his farm house. Without signaling (according to Jack) the driver turned left onto the dirt bridge. Jack's only options were to hit the truck broadside or crash down into the very deep gutter or turn left and try to squeeze onto the exit bridge along side the truck. Jack chose the latter option. Unfortunately, because of the narrowness of the exit bridge, the two vehicles collided. It didn't cause any damage to the truck but it did put a deep dent into the passenger-side front door.
The truck driver insisted that he had signaled and the collision was our fault and he was not responsible for any damage that occurred to our car. Hey, we were happy to have survived and left there as quickly as possible. Besides, the dent in the door seemed to fit in nicely with the over all appearance of the car. Later in the day we tried to roll up the window and discovered that there was no longer a window. The collision had shattered the window and it was now small pieces inside the door.
After this experience, we all wanted to get home as quickly as possible. We decided to drive twenty-four hours a day and stop only for gas and hamburgers. If we all became exhausted and needed sleep at the same time, we would simply sleep at the side of the road. We had been on the road fifteen days and thoroughly detested each other and the car. We spent the last twenty-four hours in an intense argument whether the Vernal Bank or the Uintah State Bank was the best. Not one of us a penny in either bank. We were just sick of each other and needed something to argue about.
We arrived back home after sixteen days on the road. After a good nights rest we recovered from our exhaustion and were able to tell anyone who would listen all about out marvelous adventures. By far, the 1930, model A, Ford sedan suffered the most from this trip. It returned with a broken starter and would not start unless it was pushed, a missing hood over the engine, a dent in the passenger-side door, a shattered window inside the door and the sign "New York or Bust" painted on both sides and the rear of the car.
I had left home with $100.00. I returned home sixteen days later with $67.00. You can see that I was not afraid to spend money to have a good time.
Granpa's humor?
Today's groaner: There was a man who entered a local newspaper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
Church bulletin -- Miss Charlene Mason sang, "I Will Not Pass This Way Again", giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
Truth's I have learned during this life: Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-o to a tree.
Genealogy truths: Genealogists live in the past lane.
Another groaner: A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and met in the lobby where they were discussing their recent victories in chess tournaments. The hotel manager came out of the office after an hour, and asked them to disperse. He couldn't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.
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