I'm a slow learner. When I was five years old, I confiscated some choice candy my mother had prepared for members of her club. I was caught and disciplined. When I was six years old, I spent my weekly "hot lunch" money on candy. I was caught and disciplined. When I was eight years old, I was tempted once again to eat some candy that did not belong to me.
When my sister "Buffie" was a senior in high school her best friend was a girl named Bonnie Miller. Bonnie's father worked for the Federal Government and during Bonnie's senior year in high school he was transferred to another location. Bonnie wanted to finish her senior year of high school in Vernal. So an arrangement was made for her to room with my sister in our home
I remember two things about Bonnie; She always bought every comic book that was published and she always had candy in her room. One of my favorite things to do was to catch up on the latest issue of a "Superman comic book" and sample a piece of her candy. One day my gluttony over came my better judgement. Bonnie had bought a new one pound box of chocolates and had only eaten a few pieces. I sampled one piece and it was so delicious I sampled another piece. By the end of the day I had eaten every chocolate in that box. When the girls came home from school they went immediately to the chocolate box and found it was empty. I, of course, was the prime suspect. They didn't even question mother who was also in the house during the time the crime occurred.
"Glen, did you eat all those chocolates?" "Of course not," I replied. "Well who did?" "I don't know". "Did mother eat the chocolates?" I don't know." "Did your friends eat the chocolates?" "I don't know. By this time in the cross examination, I was gaining confidence that I may get out of this situation without being killed. But Buffie out maneuvered me. She took me aside and explained that they really didn't care if I had eaten the whole pound of chocolates; they just wanted to know who had. Based on this statement, I confessed. "Yes, I ate the stupid chocolates"
For the first time in my life I was physically abused by my sister who immediately beat me about my head and shoulders. Not only that but she told mother what I had done. Mother gave me a vicious tongue lashing and I was told to never, never go into that bedroom again. Based on the beating my sister had given me, I became a believer. I am embarassed and have regrets for taking things that didn't belong to me. I can't remember ever again eating candy that didn't belong to me. Whoops, with one exception. I used to steal candy bars from Joan's mother who was living with us at the time.
So, if you ever have a down rite untrustworthy eight-year old boy, just turn an 18 year old sister loose to interigate and beat him about the head and shoulders. That will cause immediate repentance.
Grandpa's wisdom:
I've been married almost sixty-two years and I've learned a little about good marriage relationships. Let me emphasize the importance of understanding a woman's meaning of certain words. For example:
Five Minutes - If your wife is getting dressed, this means one half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
Nothing - When you ask your wife what is troubling her and she says nothing, this is the calm before the storm. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in your sleeping on the couch.
Don't worry about it, I got it - Another dangerous statement meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "What's wrong" and almost always causes her to say "nothing".
Whatever - Is a woman's way of saying . . . Go to Hell.
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