Saturday, October 12, 2013
The Kiss
The Kiss
As I have mentioned in previous blogs, there were some advantages to attending a small high school.
It was possible to participate in any of the schools activities. All that was required was to be breathing fairly regularly.
Our high school (long ago replaced by a new building) had a unique auditorium. The seating was normal, but at the front of the seating was an orchestra pit. Beyond that, was a full size basketball court. This floor was also used for such school event as musicals, thespian productions, sports activities, graduation exercises or as a podium for visiting dignitaries. There were curtains that could be drawn to create a background for these events. For basketball games the curtains were completely withdrawn.
During my senior year in high school I decided to participate in several stage plays that were produced by Mrs. Oaks; the speech, drama, debate and civics teacher. Not that I had any acting ability, it was just that a body was needed to complete the cast. With one exception, I cannot remember any of the several plays in which I performed. However, that one exception was a real doozy that I will always remember.
As usual, I had a fairly minor role. I can remember only the final scene. There were three couples standing on the stage. The main male and female stars were standing at the front center of the stage.
Then two of the minor couples were standing on the back sides of the stage. At the end of the final scene, all three of these couples were to kiss. I was a partner in one of the minor couples. As the time for the kiss fast approached, the devil started to place unrighteous thoughts in my mind. Such thoughts as: "I'm going to make this an honest Hollywood type kiss." After all, I had worked as a projectionist at the local movie theater and I had learned all about Hollywood kisses.
So when the time arrived, I grabbed my female partner and gave here a kiss. The problem was this kiss turned into a long, strait from Hollywood, type kiss. My female partner was completely surprised. She quickly started to end this kiss but I just held her tight. She tried to turn her head but I just wouldn't let go. Some in the audience started to snicker. This caused the two other couples to turn around to see what was causing the snickering. The rest of the caste started to peek through the curtain to see what was going on. Some in the audience started to cheer. Mrs. Oaks, kept whispering as loud as possible for the front curtain to be closed. The boy who was the assigned curtain closer was so intrigued with the kiss that he failed to close the curtain. By now the audience was all standing and cheering at the top of their lungs. My female partner acted as if she was furious. She was pounding at my ribs and making noises that sound suspiciously like curses.
I finally brought this kiss to an end when I spotted my partner's boy friend coming down the isle with a look on his face that was not the least Christian like. It was time to leave. I released my partner, but had to quickly dodge a wild right attempt to clobber me. I burst through the rear wall of the set, ran across the basketball court and out the back door. I kept a very low appearance during the rest of the weekend.
I would like to say that I received many date invitations from female classmates. Actually I received nothing but looks of loathing and contempt during the following week.
Grandpa's wisdom - Aphorism, a short pointed sentence that expresses a wise or clever observation or a general truth.
The nicest thing about the future is . . . that it always starts tomorrow.
Money will buy a fine dog ... but only kindness will make him wag his tail
If you don't have a sense of humor ... you probably don't have any sense at all.
Seat belts are not as confining ... as wheelchairs.
A good time to keep your mouth shut is ... when you're in deep water.
How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark... to become a teenager who
wants to stay out all night?
Business conventions are important ... because they demonstrate how many people a company can
operate without.
Why is it that at class reunions ... you feel younger than everyone else looks?
Scratch a cat (or dog)... and you will have a permanent job.
No one has more driving ambition than the teenage boy (or girl)... who wants to buy a car.
There are no new sins ... the old ones just get more publicity.
There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 a.m. ...like, it could be the right
number.
No one ever says "It' only a game"...when their team is winning.
I've reached the age where ... "happy hour" is a nap.
Be careful about reading the fine print...there's no way you're going to like it.
The trouble with bucket seats is that ... no everybody has the same size bucket.
Do you realize that, in about 40 years... we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with
tattoos?
Money can't buy happiness ... but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Cadillac than in a Yugo.
After 60, if you don't wake up aching in every joint ... you're probably dead.
Always be yourself because the people that matter don't mind ... and the ones that mind don't matter.
Life isn't tied with a bow ... but it's still a gift.
Remember, politicians and diapers should be changed often and for the same reason.
Sunday, October 6, 2013
Just a Mom
A woman, renewing her driver's license at the County Clerk's office, was asked by the woman recorder to state her occupation.
She hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself.
"What I mean is," explained the recorder, do you have a job or are you just a . . . . . ???
"Of course I have a job," snapped the woman, "I'm a Mom."
"We don't list 'Mom' as an occupation. 'housewife' covers it, said the recorder emphatically.
I forgot all about her story until one day I found myself in the same situation, this time at our own Town Hall. The Clerk was obviously a career woman, poised, efficient, and possessor of a high sounding title like "Official Interrogator" or "Town Registrar".
"What is your occupation?" she probed.
What made me say it? I do not know . . . the words simply popped out. "I'm a Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations."
The clerk paused, ball-point pen frozen in midair, and looked up as though she had not heard right.
I repeated the title slowly emphasizing the most significant words. Then I stared with wonder as my pronouncement was written, in black ink on the official questionnaire
"Might I ask," said the clerk with a new interest, "just what you do in your field?"
Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice, I heard myself reply. "I have a continuing program of research (what mother doesn't) in the laboratory and in the field, (normally I would have said indoors and out). I'm working for Masters (first the Lord and then the whole family) and already have four credits (all daughter). Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities, ( any mother care to disagree?) and I often work 14 hours a day, (24 is more like it). But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill career jobs and the rewards are more of a satisfaction rather than just money."
There was an increasing note of respect in the clerk's voice as she completed the form, stood up, and personally ushered me to the door.
As I drove into our driveway, buoyed up by my glamorous new career, I was greeted by my lab assistants - ages 13, 7, and 3. Upstairs I could hear our new experimental model (a six month old baby boy) in the child development program, testing out a new vocal pattern. I had scored a beat on bureaucracy! And I had gone on the official records as someone more distinguished and indispensable to mankind than "just another Mom."
Motherhood! What a glorious career! Especially when there's a title on the door. Does this make grandmothers, "Senior Research Associates in the field of Child Development and Human Relations.
And great grandmothers "Executive Senior Research Associates?" I think so!!!
I also think it makes Aunts "Associates Research Assistants."
Grandpa's wisdom: I like the about story. Every mother in the Hatch family ancestry should us these new titles.
Grandpa's humor:
I just read the best BAD NEWS - GOOD NEWS I've seen in a long time.
Bed News: We're being invaded by Martians
Good News: They eat politicians and Pee Gasoline.
She hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself.
"What I mean is," explained the recorder, do you have a job or are you just a . . . . . ???
"Of course I have a job," snapped the woman, "I'm a Mom."
"We don't list 'Mom' as an occupation. 'housewife' covers it, said the recorder emphatically.
I forgot all about her story until one day I found myself in the same situation, this time at our own Town Hall. The Clerk was obviously a career woman, poised, efficient, and possessor of a high sounding title like "Official Interrogator" or "Town Registrar".
"What is your occupation?" she probed.
What made me say it? I do not know . . . the words simply popped out. "I'm a Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations."
The clerk paused, ball-point pen frozen in midair, and looked up as though she had not heard right.
I repeated the title slowly emphasizing the most significant words. Then I stared with wonder as my pronouncement was written, in black ink on the official questionnaire
"Might I ask," said the clerk with a new interest, "just what you do in your field?"
Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice, I heard myself reply. "I have a continuing program of research (what mother doesn't) in the laboratory and in the field, (normally I would have said indoors and out). I'm working for Masters (first the Lord and then the whole family) and already have four credits (all daughter). Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities, ( any mother care to disagree?) and I often work 14 hours a day, (24 is more like it). But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill career jobs and the rewards are more of a satisfaction rather than just money."
There was an increasing note of respect in the clerk's voice as she completed the form, stood up, and personally ushered me to the door.
As I drove into our driveway, buoyed up by my glamorous new career, I was greeted by my lab assistants - ages 13, 7, and 3. Upstairs I could hear our new experimental model (a six month old baby boy) in the child development program, testing out a new vocal pattern. I had scored a beat on bureaucracy! And I had gone on the official records as someone more distinguished and indispensable to mankind than "just another Mom."
Motherhood! What a glorious career! Especially when there's a title on the door. Does this make grandmothers, "Senior Research Associates in the field of Child Development and Human Relations.
And great grandmothers "Executive Senior Research Associates?" I think so!!!
I also think it makes Aunts "Associates Research Assistants."
Grandpa's wisdom: I like the about story. Every mother in the Hatch family ancestry should us these new titles.
Grandpa's humor:
I just read the best BAD NEWS - GOOD NEWS I've seen in a long time.
Bed News: We're being invaded by Martians
Good News: They eat politicians and Pee Gasoline.
Saturday, October 5, 2013
An imperfect memo
During my first semester at the University of Utah, one of my classes was a business
communications class. The professor had made the following statement: "The goal of any written communication is not to assure that the reader understands, but rather to assure that the reader does not misunderstand". Well, Duh, that seemed like an obvious statement. Am I spending $92.00 per semester to be taught the obvious.
But, shortly after the class, I remembered an experience that occurred during my senior year in high school that confirmed the wisdom of the professor's statement.
Joan, (my very special girlfriend) and I were discussing during a Friday night date, what we could do the next day that would be exciting. I suggested that we drive to Steamboat Springs, Colorado and spend the day at their Olympic size swimming pool. Dick, my cousin and his girl friend thought the idea was great and we all arranged to go the next day which was Saturday.
Joan obtained approval from her mother to use her car for this trip with the promise that she would return on the same day. However, Dick and his girlfriend backed out on Friday night. But Joan and I decided to move on with these great and glorious plans. Steamboat Springs is 166 miles from Vernal. We decided to leave early Saturday morning so we could spend most of the day swimming and enjoying the sun.
When I returned home after my Friday night date with Joan, my mother was already sound asleep. I wrote a note to her telling her my plans for the next day. The note read: "Mom, Joan and I are going to Steamboat Springs and we'll be back tomorrow night". Mom didn't realize that I had written the not the night before and "tomorrow night" referred to Saturday.
The following morning mother arose early and quickly spotted the note. After reading the note, she immediately broke into a mother's protection mode. She screamed at my dad to wake up. "Glen and Joan have gone to Colorado and won't be back until tomorrow. That means they will be sleeping together somewhere in Colorado." In a panic she called Joan's mother asking what she knew about our plans. Joan's mother reassured her that we were good kids and would be back unscathed today.
Meanwhile, there was bad news when we reached Steamboat Spring. The swimming pool was closed for an annual maintenance. All entrances to the pool were securely locked. Since we had left Vernal very early in the morning it was only 8:30 a.m. What do we do now. After a short discussion we did what any teen-agers would do. We decided to drive on to Denver, another 180 miles. When we reached Denver, we did absolutely nothing. We drove the length of Colfax Ave. through Denver and then stopped for gasoline and turned around and started home. Holy Moly, I'm embarrassed to enter this blog. I can't believe I was such a stupid teen-ager.
When I entered the house late that evening, my mother was still waiting for me. I received a prolonged lecture about how I had caused her unmerciful misery. I said, "But mom, I left you a note that said we would be home tomorrow. We then discussed further whether tomorrow meant Saturday or Sunday. However mom was so relieved for my return with my virtue still intact she soon forgave me.
One final note: Joan and I thoroughly enjoyed that long day. We were together for almost twenty-four hours and it was wonderful.
Grandpa's humor - For those who have spend too much time in a doctor's office.
Kevin walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Kevin said: 'Shingles.' So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.
Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Kevin what he had .... Kevin said, 'Shingles.'
So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told Kevin to wait in the examining room.
A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Kevin what he had. Kevin said 'Shingles'. So the nurse gave Kevin a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Kevin to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.
An hour later the doctor came in and found Kevin sitting patiently in the nude and asked Kevin what he had.
Kevin said 'Shingles.' The doctor asked where?'
Kevin said "outside on the truck Where do you want me to unload 'em??
You might be a Mormon
If all your dishes have your name written on them with masking tape.
If you postdate your checks while shopping on Sunday.
If you believe Heck is the place for people who do not believe in gosh.
If your Mom was pregnant at your sister's wedding reception.
If you pray that your food might "nourish and strengthen your body" before eating doughnuts.
If you think Jell-O is one of the basic food groups.
If at least one of your salad bowls is at a neighbor's house.
Have a happy day!
Friday, September 6, 2013
A Humongous senior sluff
All names in this story are fictional. You'll understand why as you read on:
Our high school had a very enjoyable tradition. On a single day in the Spring, and before school
closed for summer break, the school allowed the senior class to completely cut a day from class attendance. This day was identified as the "Senior Slough." (pronounced sluff ) The senior class officers would decide where and how we would celebrate this free day. This group of class officers decided to spend the day traveling from our high school to Steamboat Spring, Colorado. The reason for this choice was that Steamboat Springs had a large Olympic size swimming pool. Our home town swimming pool was the size of the closest irrigation ditch. The distance to Steamboat Springs is 166 miles. The school said they would positively not furnish a school bus for such a trip.
Back to the Senior Sluff planning committee. The committee was getting very discouraged. No one could solve the transportation problem. Finally, Hank, who was the son of a cattle rancher asked. "Would the 85 class members consider riding to and from Steamboat Springs in a cattle truck?" He further explained that his father would furnish one of his cattle trucks and the only cost would be the cost of the diesel fuel. For all you non-country readers, a cattle truck is usually a 40 foot long flatbed trailer with racks installed around the perimeter of the flat bed to keep the cattle from falling off the truck.
After some discussion, one of the committee members said, "Hey, that sounds fun. Lets do it. And thus the travel problem was solved. The "senior sluff" was on go.
On the designated day of departure, the cattle truck arrived at the high school for loading of the cattle.
(oops) for the loading of the senior class members. Unfortunately, the truck did not depart in a blaze of glory. Every non-senior student was standing on the front lawn "mooing" and commenting how healthy this load of cattle looked. Some of the Junior class boys were commenting about how cute some of the heifers were. Every derogative comment ever invented was hurled at the departing seniors. But who cared, the seniors were on their way to glory.
The group arrived at the Steamboat Springs community swimming pool in a windblown, sunburned condition. The manager of the swimming pool had reserved the pool for this group for the entire day.
Into the dressing room they stormed and in a short time all were in the swimming pool. All except Cristy. To finish this story a description of Cristy is required.
Cristy was a fairly attractive young lady. However she did have one feature that was outstanding. (No pun intended) That feature was her bosom. She was well endowed. Whenever Cristy came to school in a one-size too small sweater, the boys all began salivating and the girls became green with envy. Cristy was the last person to immerge from the dressing room. She had chosen a two piece swim suit than was slightly more modest than a bikini. She ran and screamed "Canon ball" and jumped into infamy.
The flimsiness of the swim suit and the force of the water tore the top of the swim suit off her body.
Now for the most amazing part of the story. Evidently Cristy wanted to be certain that every one became aware of the size of her bosom. To assure this, Cristy had placed two falsie's in her swim suit top. When Cristy entered the water, the force of the water tore the top of her swim suit from her body and two falsies popped out and began bobbing around in the water. Poor Cristy! Picture this! She is in the deep end of the swimming pool; one hand is at her back holding the swim suit top in place; she is attempting to swim with one hand to recover the escaped falsies, and with each lunge at one of the falsies, it would be forced just beyond her reach.
Cristy clumsily climbed out of the swimming pool and ran sobbing into the dressing room. I had to smile when one of students who was on the Sluff told me this story. However, I felt sorrow for Cristy and the humiliation she felt. I hoped she finally reaches a point in her life when she can forget or even smile at the occasion.
Now for the best part of the story. The girls in this class quickly responded. As a group they entered the dressing room and surrounded Cristy. Every girl expressed their love and support for Cristy. They acknowledged the sorrow they felt for Cristy and how embarrassed they knew she felt. They told Crist that the boys felt the same way. The encouraged Crist to just forget the events and join the class members. They encouraged Cristy to forget that it ever happened and not a one of them would ever mention it in the future. Eventually Cristy displayed enough strength and courage to return to the group at the swimming pool.
I was so proud of Cristy's classmates as the gave Cristy comfort and strength to outlast a very humiliating experience.
Grandpa's wisdom concerning the perks of being over 83.
Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
People call at 9 P.M. and ask, "Did I wake you?"
There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
Things you buy now won't wear out.
You can eat dinner at 4 P.M.
You enjoy hearing about other peoples operations.
You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
You sing along with elevator music.
Your eyes won't get much worse.
Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
You can't remember who sent you this.
Our high school had a very enjoyable tradition. On a single day in the Spring, and before school
closed for summer break, the school allowed the senior class to completely cut a day from class attendance. This day was identified as the "Senior Slough." (pronounced sluff ) The senior class officers would decide where and how we would celebrate this free day. This group of class officers decided to spend the day traveling from our high school to Steamboat Spring, Colorado. The reason for this choice was that Steamboat Springs had a large Olympic size swimming pool. Our home town swimming pool was the size of the closest irrigation ditch. The distance to Steamboat Springs is 166 miles. The school said they would positively not furnish a school bus for such a trip.
Back to the Senior Sluff planning committee. The committee was getting very discouraged. No one could solve the transportation problem. Finally, Hank, who was the son of a cattle rancher asked. "Would the 85 class members consider riding to and from Steamboat Springs in a cattle truck?" He further explained that his father would furnish one of his cattle trucks and the only cost would be the cost of the diesel fuel. For all you non-country readers, a cattle truck is usually a 40 foot long flatbed trailer with racks installed around the perimeter of the flat bed to keep the cattle from falling off the truck.
After some discussion, one of the committee members said, "Hey, that sounds fun. Lets do it. And thus the travel problem was solved. The "senior sluff" was on go.
On the designated day of departure, the cattle truck arrived at the high school for loading of the cattle.
(oops) for the loading of the senior class members. Unfortunately, the truck did not depart in a blaze of glory. Every non-senior student was standing on the front lawn "mooing" and commenting how healthy this load of cattle looked. Some of the Junior class boys were commenting about how cute some of the heifers were. Every derogative comment ever invented was hurled at the departing seniors. But who cared, the seniors were on their way to glory.
The group arrived at the Steamboat Springs community swimming pool in a windblown, sunburned condition. The manager of the swimming pool had reserved the pool for this group for the entire day.
Into the dressing room they stormed and in a short time all were in the swimming pool. All except Cristy. To finish this story a description of Cristy is required.
Cristy was a fairly attractive young lady. However she did have one feature that was outstanding. (No pun intended) That feature was her bosom. She was well endowed. Whenever Cristy came to school in a one-size too small sweater, the boys all began salivating and the girls became green with envy. Cristy was the last person to immerge from the dressing room. She had chosen a two piece swim suit than was slightly more modest than a bikini. She ran and screamed "Canon ball" and jumped into infamy.
The flimsiness of the swim suit and the force of the water tore the top of the swim suit off her body.
Now for the most amazing part of the story. Evidently Cristy wanted to be certain that every one became aware of the size of her bosom. To assure this, Cristy had placed two falsie's in her swim suit top. When Cristy entered the water, the force of the water tore the top of her swim suit from her body and two falsies popped out and began bobbing around in the water. Poor Cristy! Picture this! She is in the deep end of the swimming pool; one hand is at her back holding the swim suit top in place; she is attempting to swim with one hand to recover the escaped falsies, and with each lunge at one of the falsies, it would be forced just beyond her reach.
Cristy clumsily climbed out of the swimming pool and ran sobbing into the dressing room. I had to smile when one of students who was on the Sluff told me this story. However, I felt sorrow for Cristy and the humiliation she felt. I hoped she finally reaches a point in her life when she can forget or even smile at the occasion.
Now for the best part of the story. The girls in this class quickly responded. As a group they entered the dressing room and surrounded Cristy. Every girl expressed their love and support for Cristy. They acknowledged the sorrow they felt for Cristy and how embarrassed they knew she felt. They told Crist that the boys felt the same way. The encouraged Crist to just forget the events and join the class members. They encouraged Cristy to forget that it ever happened and not a one of them would ever mention it in the future. Eventually Cristy displayed enough strength and courage to return to the group at the swimming pool.
I was so proud of Cristy's classmates as the gave Cristy comfort and strength to outlast a very humiliating experience.
Grandpa's wisdom concerning the perks of being over 83.
Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
People call at 9 P.M. and ask, "Did I wake you?"
There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
Things you buy now won't wear out.
You can eat dinner at 4 P.M.
You enjoy hearing about other peoples operations.
You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
You sing along with elevator music.
Your eyes won't get much worse.
Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
You can't remember who sent you this.
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
A near expulsion from high school
17 years old, 1947
My favorite classes during high school were those taught by Stella H. Oaks. Mrs. Oaks was a widow and the mom of Dallin H. Oaks, a future Utah Supreme Court Justice and a member of the Twelve Apostles of the LDS Church. Dallin was in the same grade as Joan.
Mrs. Oaks taught civics, theatre, speech, debate etc. and in my senior year I was taking a speech class from her. This class was taught in the speech room that was a room about 30 feet long. At the end of the room was an elevated miniature stage. The stage had a curtain that could be drawn and the students used the stage to rehearse plays.
I arrived at class a little late on a particular day and upon entering noted that Mrs. Oaks was not in the room. The curtain was drawn and I could hear conversation from behind the curtain and assumed that some of the students were preparing a presentation.
As I sat enjoying myself doing nothing, one of the students backed against the curtain and bent over so that their rear end made a large bump in the curtain. This was too much for me to resist and I succumbed to the temptation placed before me. In other words, "the Devil made me do it." I went up, walked up to the curtain, and hit that protruding rear end with all my strength. There was a surprise sound from behind the curtain and I immediately realized that I had made a very poor decision. I had located the missing Mrs. Oaks. That protruding rear end was attached to her.
The room became deadly silent. I could visualize in my mind Mrs. Oaks bursting through the curtain and screaming, "Whoever did that will never graduate from this high school." But nothing happened. I slunk back to my seat. Every student in the class sat with their mouths open. They were in absolute awe of my stupidity and had an expression of complete disgust on their face. Mrs. oaks didn't leave the stage for about fifteen minutes and I suffered terrible feelings of guilt and doom during the entire fifteen minutes. I think that was the reason she stayed on the stage for so long. When she finally came out she didn't say a thing and acted as if the entire event had never happened.
Well, I learned an eternal truth that day which is: Never smack someone on the rear end unless you know to whom that rear end is attached.
Grandpa's thoughts about growing old.
I've sure gotten old. I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, and new knees. I fought prostate cancer and diabetes I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. I have bouts with dementia, have poor circulation, hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. I can't remember if I'm 83 or 92. I have lost all my friends, but thank God, I still have my driver's license.
An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. "Wal-Mart? the preacher exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?" "Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week."
Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up.
Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old because you stop laughing.
My favorite classes during high school were those taught by Stella H. Oaks. Mrs. Oaks was a widow and the mom of Dallin H. Oaks, a future Utah Supreme Court Justice and a member of the Twelve Apostles of the LDS Church. Dallin was in the same grade as Joan.
Mrs. Oaks taught civics, theatre, speech, debate etc. and in my senior year I was taking a speech class from her. This class was taught in the speech room that was a room about 30 feet long. At the end of the room was an elevated miniature stage. The stage had a curtain that could be drawn and the students used the stage to rehearse plays.
I arrived at class a little late on a particular day and upon entering noted that Mrs. Oaks was not in the room. The curtain was drawn and I could hear conversation from behind the curtain and assumed that some of the students were preparing a presentation.
As I sat enjoying myself doing nothing, one of the students backed against the curtain and bent over so that their rear end made a large bump in the curtain. This was too much for me to resist and I succumbed to the temptation placed before me. In other words, "the Devil made me do it." I went up, walked up to the curtain, and hit that protruding rear end with all my strength. There was a surprise sound from behind the curtain and I immediately realized that I had made a very poor decision. I had located the missing Mrs. Oaks. That protruding rear end was attached to her.
The room became deadly silent. I could visualize in my mind Mrs. Oaks bursting through the curtain and screaming, "Whoever did that will never graduate from this high school." But nothing happened. I slunk back to my seat. Every student in the class sat with their mouths open. They were in absolute awe of my stupidity and had an expression of complete disgust on their face. Mrs. oaks didn't leave the stage for about fifteen minutes and I suffered terrible feelings of guilt and doom during the entire fifteen minutes. I think that was the reason she stayed on the stage for so long. When she finally came out she didn't say a thing and acted as if the entire event had never happened.
Well, I learned an eternal truth that day which is: Never smack someone on the rear end unless you know to whom that rear end is attached.
Grandpa's thoughts about growing old.
I've sure gotten old. I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, and new knees. I fought prostate cancer and diabetes I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. I have bouts with dementia, have poor circulation, hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. I can't remember if I'm 83 or 92. I have lost all my friends, but thank God, I still have my driver's license.
An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. "Wal-Mart? the preacher exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?" "Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week."
Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up.
Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old because you stop laughing.
Some serious dating - 1948
I was completely captivated by a cute little high school sophomore. We had our first date at the end of the previous school year and we continued to date throughout the summer. We both had model 22 rifles, and many times on Sunday afternoons we would drive to one of the many prairie dog settlements located around Vernal to determine who was the best shot.
Prairie Dogs are very inquisitive. When we would first arrive at the their settlement they would quickly dive down into their holes. However, all we had to do was whistle or yell and all the heads would pop up out of their holes to investigate the sound. We could then have target practice shooting at those little heads. I was a good shot and Joan was even better. We both took a shot and there were two dead prairie dogs.
We both looked at each other with very guilty expressions. Without any prompting we both stated that we would never shoot another prairie dog. And we never did.
However we did not stop shooting. We just gathered up all the empty bottles we could find and then drove to the Green River. We would throw these bottles into the river and use the bottles as targets. We felt a lot better about this type of target practice. Joan was still the best shot.
The only car I had available for dating was an old 1935 Ford sedan. I've described that car in a previous blog. Every fender had a serious dent; the hub caps were all missing; the seats were all ragged and worst of all, the roof leaked. The location of the leak was over the drivers head. Wouldn't you know it, during the first date I had with Joan that summer, it started to rain. Joan stayed dry but I was completely wet. I had to return to my home and change clothes. Without any prompting, on all our subsequent dates, Joan would leave her home with an umbrella or a large magazine just in case, we ran into rain.
Grandpa's wife's favorite song.
These are lyrics of a country western song by Jo Stafford
When I was a single girl, I dressed in silks so fine. Now I am a married girl, go ragged all the time.
Wish I was a single girl again.
When I was a single girl, every day was fun. Now I am a married girl, work is never done.
Wish I was a single girl again.
When I was a single girl, I ate cherry pie. Now I am a married girl, and eat corn bread or die.
Wish I was a single girl again.
When I was a single girl, I had shoes of the very best kind. Now I am a married girl, go barefoot all the time.
Wish I was a single girl again.
When I was a single girl, I traveled all around. Now I am a married girl, can't even get to town.
Wish I was a single girl again.
When I was a single girl, used to go to the store and buy. Now I am a married girl, just rock the cradle and cry.
Wish I was a single girl again.
When a fella comes a 'courtin' you, and sits you on his knee, keep your eye upon the sparrow that flits from tree to tree.
And you'll never have to wish, you were a single girl; like me.
Wish I was a single girl again.
Grandpa's all-time favorite joke:
Two elderly couples met as they were out enjoying an evening walk. The man of the first couple said to the second couple: "MY wife and I went out to dinner last night and we thoroughly enjoyed our selves. The food was excellent, the ambience was comfortable and the prices were fair."
The other man asked, "What's the name of the restaurant?
The first man bowed his head, closed his eyes, scratched his head and thought seriously, (he obviously couldn't remember the name. He finally asked, "What's the name of that flower which has such beautiful blossoms and grows on a long stem that has thorns on it?"
The other man said, "Rose?"
The first man said, "That's it! Then turning to his wife said, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"
Prairie Dogs are very inquisitive. When we would first arrive at the their settlement they would quickly dive down into their holes. However, all we had to do was whistle or yell and all the heads would pop up out of their holes to investigate the sound. We could then have target practice shooting at those little heads. I was a good shot and Joan was even better. We both took a shot and there were two dead prairie dogs.
We both looked at each other with very guilty expressions. Without any prompting we both stated that we would never shoot another prairie dog. And we never did.
However we did not stop shooting. We just gathered up all the empty bottles we could find and then drove to the Green River. We would throw these bottles into the river and use the bottles as targets. We felt a lot better about this type of target practice. Joan was still the best shot.
The only car I had available for dating was an old 1935 Ford sedan. I've described that car in a previous blog. Every fender had a serious dent; the hub caps were all missing; the seats were all ragged and worst of all, the roof leaked. The location of the leak was over the drivers head. Wouldn't you know it, during the first date I had with Joan that summer, it started to rain. Joan stayed dry but I was completely wet. I had to return to my home and change clothes. Without any prompting, on all our subsequent dates, Joan would leave her home with an umbrella or a large magazine just in case, we ran into rain.
Grandpa's wife's favorite song.
These are lyrics of a country western song by Jo Stafford
When I was a single girl, I dressed in silks so fine. Now I am a married girl, go ragged all the time.
Wish I was a single girl again.
When I was a single girl, every day was fun. Now I am a married girl, work is never done.
Wish I was a single girl again.
When I was a single girl, I ate cherry pie. Now I am a married girl, and eat corn bread or die.
Wish I was a single girl again.
When I was a single girl, I had shoes of the very best kind. Now I am a married girl, go barefoot all the time.
Wish I was a single girl again.
When I was a single girl, I traveled all around. Now I am a married girl, can't even get to town.
Wish I was a single girl again.
When I was a single girl, used to go to the store and buy. Now I am a married girl, just rock the cradle and cry.
Wish I was a single girl again.
When a fella comes a 'courtin' you, and sits you on his knee, keep your eye upon the sparrow that flits from tree to tree.
And you'll never have to wish, you were a single girl; like me.
Wish I was a single girl again.
Grandpa's all-time favorite joke:
Two elderly couples met as they were out enjoying an evening walk. The man of the first couple said to the second couple: "MY wife and I went out to dinner last night and we thoroughly enjoyed our selves. The food was excellent, the ambience was comfortable and the prices were fair."
The other man asked, "What's the name of the restaurant?
The first man bowed his head, closed his eyes, scratched his head and thought seriously, (he obviously couldn't remember the name. He finally asked, "What's the name of that flower which has such beautiful blossoms and grows on a long stem that has thorns on it?"
The other man said, "Rose?"
The first man said, "That's it! Then turning to his wife said, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"
Thursday, August 1, 2013
A dreaded history lesson.
1946-47 16 years old.
This is one of the very few history blogs I intend to publish. Please don't click off! There were so many memorable events during 1946 and I was just becoming aware of world events.You may be interested in some of these events even though they are old, old history.
May 1946 - President Truman seized control of the nation's railroads, delaying a threatened strike by engineers and trainmen. A strike at that time would have disrupted the industrial recovery from war production to peace production. Most presidents since Truman's presidency would never have done such a thing because of concern of losing the union votes.
Oct. 1946 - Ten Nazi war criminals condemned during the Nuremberg trials were hanged.
Sept. 1946 - 22 top Nazi leaders were found guilty of war crimes and most of these were put to death.
April, 1946 - The Japanese commander responsible for the 65-mile Bataan Death March, was executed outside Manila in the Philippines.
Mar. 1946 - Winston Churchill delivered his speech that was later known as the "Iron Curtain Speech."
Feb. 1946 - a press conference was held to introduce what is considered the first computer, The Electronic Numerical Integrator and Calculator (ENIAC) The computer took up an entire room, weighed 30 tons and used more than 18,000 vacuum tubes. It could count from 1 to 5000 in one second. It cost $450,000 and was designed by the U. S. Army during WW II to make artillery calculations.
May 1946 - The first commercial computer was transported from Sperry Univac Corp. to the Bureau of Census. It took two truck semi-trailers to carry the computer.
June 1946 - The US Supreme Court ruled that race separation on buses is unconstitutional. This decision stemmed from the 1944 incident when Irene Morgan was jailed for refusing to give up her bus seat.
July 1946 - The Bikini bathing suit made its debut during a fashion show in Paris. The designer named the suit after the atom bomb test on the Bikini Atoll. He said he wanted his design to have a similar explosive affect. According to New York Times columnist, William Safire, the swimsuit caused more debate, concern and condemnation than the atomic bomb.
July 1946, - The final Japanese internment camps located in Calif. and Utah were closed. This ended a terrible decision by President Roosevelt to remove US citizens with a Japanese ancestry from their homes in California and place them in internment camps away from the Pacific Coast. Most of these citizens had been born in the U.S.
1946 - Beginning in 1946 and continuing through 1970, some 62,000 steel drums of nuclear waste were dumped into both the Pacific and Atlantic oceans. In 1976 EPA scientists reported that they had discovered plutonium in the ocean sediment off the San Francisco coast and east of Ocean City, Maryland.
1946 - a chemist at Lorillard Tobacco Company reported to his superiors that the use of tobacco contributes to cancer development.
Dec. 1946 - Frank Capra's "It's a Wonderful LIfe", premiered in NYC.
Costs in 1946-47
Average cost of a new house $6,600.
Average wages per year $2,850
Average cost of a new car $1,300
Cost of a gallon of gas 15 cents
Cost of a loaf of bread 13 cents
U.S. postage stamp 3 cents
However, by far the most important historical event of 1946 for me was, my first date with Joan DeJournette. That was a memory never tobe forgotten..
Grandpa's Humor
I recently wrote the following letter to the IRS: Dear IRS, I am writing to you to cancel my subscription, Please remove my name from your mailing list.
I haven't heard from them yet, but Joan recently complained that every time she used the phone she hears a lot of clicking sounds in the background.
Two more groaners:
Back in the 1800's the Tates Watch Company of Massachusetts wanted to produce other products and decided to market compasses for the pioneers traveling west. It turned out that although their watches were of finest quality, their compasses were so bad that people often ended up in Canada or Mexico rather than California. This, of course, is the origin of the expression; "He who has a Tates is lost!"
Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers. However, all the league records were unfortunately destroyed in a fire. Thus we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.
Happy groaning. I love yw'all
This is one of the very few history blogs I intend to publish. Please don't click off! There were so many memorable events during 1946 and I was just becoming aware of world events.You may be interested in some of these events even though they are old, old history.
May 1946 - President Truman seized control of the nation's railroads, delaying a threatened strike by engineers and trainmen. A strike at that time would have disrupted the industrial recovery from war production to peace production. Most presidents since Truman's presidency would never have done such a thing because of concern of losing the union votes.
Oct. 1946 - Ten Nazi war criminals condemned during the Nuremberg trials were hanged.
Sept. 1946 - 22 top Nazi leaders were found guilty of war crimes and most of these were put to death.
April, 1946 - The Japanese commander responsible for the 65-mile Bataan Death March, was executed outside Manila in the Philippines.
Mar. 1946 - Winston Churchill delivered his speech that was later known as the "Iron Curtain Speech."
Feb. 1946 - a press conference was held to introduce what is considered the first computer, The Electronic Numerical Integrator and Calculator (ENIAC) The computer took up an entire room, weighed 30 tons and used more than 18,000 vacuum tubes. It could count from 1 to 5000 in one second. It cost $450,000 and was designed by the U. S. Army during WW II to make artillery calculations.
May 1946 - The first commercial computer was transported from Sperry Univac Corp. to the Bureau of Census. It took two truck semi-trailers to carry the computer.
June 1946 - The US Supreme Court ruled that race separation on buses is unconstitutional. This decision stemmed from the 1944 incident when Irene Morgan was jailed for refusing to give up her bus seat.
July 1946 - The Bikini bathing suit made its debut during a fashion show in Paris. The designer named the suit after the atom bomb test on the Bikini Atoll. He said he wanted his design to have a similar explosive affect. According to New York Times columnist, William Safire, the swimsuit caused more debate, concern and condemnation than the atomic bomb.
July 1946, - The final Japanese internment camps located in Calif. and Utah were closed. This ended a terrible decision by President Roosevelt to remove US citizens with a Japanese ancestry from their homes in California and place them in internment camps away from the Pacific Coast. Most of these citizens had been born in the U.S.
1946 - Beginning in 1946 and continuing through 1970, some 62,000 steel drums of nuclear waste were dumped into both the Pacific and Atlantic oceans. In 1976 EPA scientists reported that they had discovered plutonium in the ocean sediment off the San Francisco coast and east of Ocean City, Maryland.
1946 - a chemist at Lorillard Tobacco Company reported to his superiors that the use of tobacco contributes to cancer development.
Dec. 1946 - Frank Capra's "It's a Wonderful LIfe", premiered in NYC.
Costs in 1946-47
Average cost of a new house $6,600.
Average wages per year $2,850
Average cost of a new car $1,300
Cost of a gallon of gas 15 cents
Cost of a loaf of bread 13 cents
U.S. postage stamp 3 cents
However, by far the most important historical event of 1946 for me was, my first date with Joan DeJournette. That was a memory never tobe forgotten..
Grandpa's Humor
I recently wrote the following letter to the IRS: Dear IRS, I am writing to you to cancel my subscription, Please remove my name from your mailing list.
I haven't heard from them yet, but Joan recently complained that every time she used the phone she hears a lot of clicking sounds in the background.
Two more groaners:
Back in the 1800's the Tates Watch Company of Massachusetts wanted to produce other products and decided to market compasses for the pioneers traveling west. It turned out that although their watches were of finest quality, their compasses were so bad that people often ended up in Canada or Mexico rather than California. This, of course, is the origin of the expression; "He who has a Tates is lost!"
Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers. However, all the league records were unfortunately destroyed in a fire. Thus we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.
Happy groaning. I love yw'all
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