All names in this story are fictional. You'll understand why as you read on:
Our high school had a very enjoyable tradition. On a single day in the Spring, and before school
closed for summer break, the school allowed the senior class to completely cut a day from class attendance. This day was identified as the "Senior Slough." (pronounced sluff ) The senior class officers would decide where and how we would celebrate this free day. This group of class officers decided to spend the day traveling from our high school to Steamboat Spring, Colorado. The reason for this choice was that Steamboat Springs had a large Olympic size swimming pool. Our home town swimming pool was the size of the closest irrigation ditch. The distance to Steamboat Springs is 166 miles. The school said they would positively not furnish a school bus for such a trip.
Back to the Senior Sluff planning committee. The committee was getting very discouraged. No one could solve the transportation problem. Finally, Hank, who was the son of a cattle rancher asked. "Would the 85 class members consider riding to and from Steamboat Springs in a cattle truck?" He further explained that his father would furnish one of his cattle trucks and the only cost would be the cost of the diesel fuel. For all you non-country readers, a cattle truck is usually a 40 foot long flatbed trailer with racks installed around the perimeter of the flat bed to keep the cattle from falling off the truck.
After some discussion, one of the committee members said, "Hey, that sounds fun. Lets do it. And thus the travel problem was solved. The "senior sluff" was on go.
On the designated day of departure, the cattle truck arrived at the high school for loading of the cattle.
(oops) for the loading of the senior class members. Unfortunately, the truck did not depart in a blaze of glory. Every non-senior student was standing on the front lawn "mooing" and commenting how healthy this load of cattle looked. Some of the Junior class boys were commenting about how cute some of the heifers were. Every derogative comment ever invented was hurled at the departing seniors. But who cared, the seniors were on their way to glory.
The group arrived at the Steamboat Springs community swimming pool in a windblown, sunburned condition. The manager of the swimming pool had reserved the pool for this group for the entire day.
Into the dressing room they stormed and in a short time all were in the swimming pool. All except Cristy. To finish this story a description of Cristy is required.
Cristy was a fairly attractive young lady. However she did have one feature that was outstanding. (No pun intended) That feature was her bosom. She was well endowed. Whenever Cristy came to school in a one-size too small sweater, the boys all began salivating and the girls became green with envy. Cristy was the last person to immerge from the dressing room. She had chosen a two piece swim suit than was slightly more modest than a bikini. She ran and screamed "Canon ball" and jumped into infamy.
The flimsiness of the swim suit and the force of the water tore the top of the swim suit off her body.
Now for the most amazing part of the story. Evidently Cristy wanted to be certain that every one became aware of the size of her bosom. To assure this, Cristy had placed two falsie's in her swim suit top. When Cristy entered the water, the force of the water tore the top of her swim suit from her body and two falsies popped out and began bobbing around in the water. Poor Cristy! Picture this! She is in the deep end of the swimming pool; one hand is at her back holding the swim suit top in place; she is attempting to swim with one hand to recover the escaped falsies, and with each lunge at one of the falsies, it would be forced just beyond her reach.
Cristy clumsily climbed out of the swimming pool and ran sobbing into the dressing room. I had to smile when one of students who was on the Sluff told me this story. However, I felt sorrow for Cristy and the humiliation she felt. I hoped she finally reaches a point in her life when she can forget or even smile at the occasion.
Now for the best part of the story. The girls in this class quickly responded. As a group they entered the dressing room and surrounded Cristy. Every girl expressed their love and support for Cristy. They acknowledged the sorrow they felt for Cristy and how embarrassed they knew she felt. They told Crist that the boys felt the same way. The encouraged Crist to just forget the events and join the class members. They encouraged Cristy to forget that it ever happened and not a one of them would ever mention it in the future. Eventually Cristy displayed enough strength and courage to return to the group at the swimming pool.
I was so proud of Cristy's classmates as the gave Cristy comfort and strength to outlast a very humiliating experience.
Grandpa's wisdom concerning the perks of being over 83.
Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
People call at 9 P.M. and ask, "Did I wake you?"
There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
Things you buy now won't wear out.
You can eat dinner at 4 P.M.
You enjoy hearing about other peoples operations.
You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
You sing along with elevator music.
Your eyes won't get much worse.
Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
You can't remember who sent you this.
Friday, September 6, 2013
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
A near expulsion from high school
17 years old, 1947
My favorite classes during high school were those taught by Stella H. Oaks. Mrs. Oaks was a widow and the mom of Dallin H. Oaks, a future Utah Supreme Court Justice and a member of the Twelve Apostles of the LDS Church. Dallin was in the same grade as Joan.
Mrs. Oaks taught civics, theatre, speech, debate etc. and in my senior year I was taking a speech class from her. This class was taught in the speech room that was a room about 30 feet long. At the end of the room was an elevated miniature stage. The stage had a curtain that could be drawn and the students used the stage to rehearse plays.
I arrived at class a little late on a particular day and upon entering noted that Mrs. Oaks was not in the room. The curtain was drawn and I could hear conversation from behind the curtain and assumed that some of the students were preparing a presentation.
As I sat enjoying myself doing nothing, one of the students backed against the curtain and bent over so that their rear end made a large bump in the curtain. This was too much for me to resist and I succumbed to the temptation placed before me. In other words, "the Devil made me do it." I went up, walked up to the curtain, and hit that protruding rear end with all my strength. There was a surprise sound from behind the curtain and I immediately realized that I had made a very poor decision. I had located the missing Mrs. Oaks. That protruding rear end was attached to her.
The room became deadly silent. I could visualize in my mind Mrs. Oaks bursting through the curtain and screaming, "Whoever did that will never graduate from this high school." But nothing happened. I slunk back to my seat. Every student in the class sat with their mouths open. They were in absolute awe of my stupidity and had an expression of complete disgust on their face. Mrs. oaks didn't leave the stage for about fifteen minutes and I suffered terrible feelings of guilt and doom during the entire fifteen minutes. I think that was the reason she stayed on the stage for so long. When she finally came out she didn't say a thing and acted as if the entire event had never happened.
Well, I learned an eternal truth that day which is: Never smack someone on the rear end unless you know to whom that rear end is attached.
Grandpa's thoughts about growing old.
I've sure gotten old. I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, and new knees. I fought prostate cancer and diabetes I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. I have bouts with dementia, have poor circulation, hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. I can't remember if I'm 83 or 92. I have lost all my friends, but thank God, I still have my driver's license.
An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. "Wal-Mart? the preacher exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?" "Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week."
Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up.
Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old because you stop laughing.
My favorite classes during high school were those taught by Stella H. Oaks. Mrs. Oaks was a widow and the mom of Dallin H. Oaks, a future Utah Supreme Court Justice and a member of the Twelve Apostles of the LDS Church. Dallin was in the same grade as Joan.
Mrs. Oaks taught civics, theatre, speech, debate etc. and in my senior year I was taking a speech class from her. This class was taught in the speech room that was a room about 30 feet long. At the end of the room was an elevated miniature stage. The stage had a curtain that could be drawn and the students used the stage to rehearse plays.
I arrived at class a little late on a particular day and upon entering noted that Mrs. Oaks was not in the room. The curtain was drawn and I could hear conversation from behind the curtain and assumed that some of the students were preparing a presentation.
As I sat enjoying myself doing nothing, one of the students backed against the curtain and bent over so that their rear end made a large bump in the curtain. This was too much for me to resist and I succumbed to the temptation placed before me. In other words, "the Devil made me do it." I went up, walked up to the curtain, and hit that protruding rear end with all my strength. There was a surprise sound from behind the curtain and I immediately realized that I had made a very poor decision. I had located the missing Mrs. Oaks. That protruding rear end was attached to her.
The room became deadly silent. I could visualize in my mind Mrs. Oaks bursting through the curtain and screaming, "Whoever did that will never graduate from this high school." But nothing happened. I slunk back to my seat. Every student in the class sat with their mouths open. They were in absolute awe of my stupidity and had an expression of complete disgust on their face. Mrs. oaks didn't leave the stage for about fifteen minutes and I suffered terrible feelings of guilt and doom during the entire fifteen minutes. I think that was the reason she stayed on the stage for so long. When she finally came out she didn't say a thing and acted as if the entire event had never happened.
Well, I learned an eternal truth that day which is: Never smack someone on the rear end unless you know to whom that rear end is attached.
Grandpa's thoughts about growing old.
I've sure gotten old. I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, and new knees. I fought prostate cancer and diabetes I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. I have bouts with dementia, have poor circulation, hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. I can't remember if I'm 83 or 92. I have lost all my friends, but thank God, I still have my driver's license.
An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. "Wal-Mart? the preacher exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?" "Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week."
Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up.
Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old because you stop laughing.
Some serious dating - 1948
I was completely captivated by a cute little high school sophomore. We had our first date at the end of the previous school year and we continued to date throughout the summer. We both had model 22 rifles, and many times on Sunday afternoons we would drive to one of the many prairie dog settlements located around Vernal to determine who was the best shot.
Prairie Dogs are very inquisitive. When we would first arrive at the their settlement they would quickly dive down into their holes. However, all we had to do was whistle or yell and all the heads would pop up out of their holes to investigate the sound. We could then have target practice shooting at those little heads. I was a good shot and Joan was even better. We both took a shot and there were two dead prairie dogs.
We both looked at each other with very guilty expressions. Without any prompting we both stated that we would never shoot another prairie dog. And we never did.
However we did not stop shooting. We just gathered up all the empty bottles we could find and then drove to the Green River. We would throw these bottles into the river and use the bottles as targets. We felt a lot better about this type of target practice. Joan was still the best shot.
The only car I had available for dating was an old 1935 Ford sedan. I've described that car in a previous blog. Every fender had a serious dent; the hub caps were all missing; the seats were all ragged and worst of all, the roof leaked. The location of the leak was over the drivers head. Wouldn't you know it, during the first date I had with Joan that summer, it started to rain. Joan stayed dry but I was completely wet. I had to return to my home and change clothes. Without any prompting, on all our subsequent dates, Joan would leave her home with an umbrella or a large magazine just in case, we ran into rain.
Grandpa's wife's favorite song.
These are lyrics of a country western song by Jo Stafford
When I was a single girl, I dressed in silks so fine. Now I am a married girl, go ragged all the time.
Wish I was a single girl again.
When I was a single girl, every day was fun. Now I am a married girl, work is never done.
Wish I was a single girl again.
When I was a single girl, I ate cherry pie. Now I am a married girl, and eat corn bread or die.
Wish I was a single girl again.
When I was a single girl, I had shoes of the very best kind. Now I am a married girl, go barefoot all the time.
Wish I was a single girl again.
When I was a single girl, I traveled all around. Now I am a married girl, can't even get to town.
Wish I was a single girl again.
When I was a single girl, used to go to the store and buy. Now I am a married girl, just rock the cradle and cry.
Wish I was a single girl again.
When a fella comes a 'courtin' you, and sits you on his knee, keep your eye upon the sparrow that flits from tree to tree.
And you'll never have to wish, you were a single girl; like me.
Wish I was a single girl again.
Grandpa's all-time favorite joke:
Two elderly couples met as they were out enjoying an evening walk. The man of the first couple said to the second couple: "MY wife and I went out to dinner last night and we thoroughly enjoyed our selves. The food was excellent, the ambience was comfortable and the prices were fair."
The other man asked, "What's the name of the restaurant?
The first man bowed his head, closed his eyes, scratched his head and thought seriously, (he obviously couldn't remember the name. He finally asked, "What's the name of that flower which has such beautiful blossoms and grows on a long stem that has thorns on it?"
The other man said, "Rose?"
The first man said, "That's it! Then turning to his wife said, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"
Prairie Dogs are very inquisitive. When we would first arrive at the their settlement they would quickly dive down into their holes. However, all we had to do was whistle or yell and all the heads would pop up out of their holes to investigate the sound. We could then have target practice shooting at those little heads. I was a good shot and Joan was even better. We both took a shot and there were two dead prairie dogs.
We both looked at each other with very guilty expressions. Without any prompting we both stated that we would never shoot another prairie dog. And we never did.
However we did not stop shooting. We just gathered up all the empty bottles we could find and then drove to the Green River. We would throw these bottles into the river and use the bottles as targets. We felt a lot better about this type of target practice. Joan was still the best shot.
The only car I had available for dating was an old 1935 Ford sedan. I've described that car in a previous blog. Every fender had a serious dent; the hub caps were all missing; the seats were all ragged and worst of all, the roof leaked. The location of the leak was over the drivers head. Wouldn't you know it, during the first date I had with Joan that summer, it started to rain. Joan stayed dry but I was completely wet. I had to return to my home and change clothes. Without any prompting, on all our subsequent dates, Joan would leave her home with an umbrella or a large magazine just in case, we ran into rain.
Grandpa's wife's favorite song.
These are lyrics of a country western song by Jo Stafford
When I was a single girl, I dressed in silks so fine. Now I am a married girl, go ragged all the time.
Wish I was a single girl again.
When I was a single girl, every day was fun. Now I am a married girl, work is never done.
Wish I was a single girl again.
When I was a single girl, I ate cherry pie. Now I am a married girl, and eat corn bread or die.
Wish I was a single girl again.
When I was a single girl, I had shoes of the very best kind. Now I am a married girl, go barefoot all the time.
Wish I was a single girl again.
When I was a single girl, I traveled all around. Now I am a married girl, can't even get to town.
Wish I was a single girl again.
When I was a single girl, used to go to the store and buy. Now I am a married girl, just rock the cradle and cry.
Wish I was a single girl again.
When a fella comes a 'courtin' you, and sits you on his knee, keep your eye upon the sparrow that flits from tree to tree.
And you'll never have to wish, you were a single girl; like me.
Wish I was a single girl again.
Grandpa's all-time favorite joke:
Two elderly couples met as they were out enjoying an evening walk. The man of the first couple said to the second couple: "MY wife and I went out to dinner last night and we thoroughly enjoyed our selves. The food was excellent, the ambience was comfortable and the prices were fair."
The other man asked, "What's the name of the restaurant?
The first man bowed his head, closed his eyes, scratched his head and thought seriously, (he obviously couldn't remember the name. He finally asked, "What's the name of that flower which has such beautiful blossoms and grows on a long stem that has thorns on it?"
The other man said, "Rose?"
The first man said, "That's it! Then turning to his wife said, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"
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