A "Sadie Hawkins" date

There once was a comic strip named "Little Abner".  One day a year in this strip the women were given the priviledge of first choice in all decision to be made.  That included their choice of the boy they wanted to take them to a dance.  Sadie Hawkins was a beautiful hill billy girl that would always chose Little Abner to take her to the dance.

So most all schools scheduled a yearly dance and called it the Sadie Hawkins dance.  Today I think these dances are identified as "ladies preference" or "ladies choice" dance.

So with that short introduction, I'll reveal my first experience with a Sadie Hawkins dance. This experience occurred at the beginning of my Junior year in high school.  I was asked by a girl named Beverly Fisher.  She was double dating with another girl named Joan DeJournette.   Beverly and Joan were best friends. And here the plot thickens.  Beverly was in love with a boy named Rodney but convinced Joan to ask him to the Sadie Hopkins dance.  Joan didn't understand why, but since they were good friends she agreed   Perhaps Beverly  was testing Rodney and hoped he would reject any invitation he received except one from her.  Or perhaps Beverly was fighting with Rodney at the time and wanted to teach him a lesson. But since Joan was such a cute little chick Rodney accepted the dance invitation from Joan. What was Beverly to do?  It appears that I was a second or even third choice for the dance.  Beverly just asked one of the few boys that was still available.

Since neither of the girls had a drivers license or even access to a car we had to walk to the dance.  Joan lived the furthest away from the high school where the dance was to be held.  So Beverly walked to Joan's house and then they walked to Rodney's house and finally to my house.  Instead of walking with their dates dates, Beverly and Rodney walked together and visited all the way to the dance.  That left Joan and Glen to walk together. Since we were both a wee bit shy, neither of us said a word to each other during the half-mile walk to the school. It was sheer torture for both of us.  At the end of the dance Beverly and Rodney still walked together while Joan was stuck with me.  I can remember uttering only six words during the walk home.  They were "thanks for the date" and "good night."

That was such an unpleasant experience, I fully intended to never date again.

Important events and people born in 1930

I thought you might be interested in important people and events that were born in 1930 (my birth year)

                                       Twinkies
                                       Sliced Wonder Bread
                                       Snickers Candy Bar
                                      Clint Eastwood (actor)
                                      Sean Connery (actor)
                                      Neil Armstrong (first Moonwealker)
                                      Steve McQueen (actor)
                                      The first radio broadcast of "The Lone Ranger".

Following are some of the costs of living in 1930

A new house                           $7,146.00                          U.S. Postage Stamp        .02 each
Average Income                     $1,973.00 per year              Granulated Sugar            .65 cents for 10 lbs.
New Car                                $610,00                               Vitamine D Milk             .56 cent per gallon
Average Rent                          $15.00 per month                 Eggs                               .15 cents per dozen
Movie Ticket                                 .25 cents                         Fresh baked bread         09 cents per load
Gasoline                                        .10 cents per gallon

A New Hair Style

My father and his brother built homes on the same street; about four homes apart.  The brothers had a good relationship, but my mother and her sister-in-law hated each other.  They did not get along and wanted nothing to do with each other.  One reason for this antagonism was the different lifestyle of the two women.  M:y mother was completely family oriented and felt a responsibility for raising her own children.  The sister-in-law felt no responsibility at all for raising her children.  Her major interest in life was her friends and playing bridge most of the day with these friends.  So several times a week she would instruct her three children (two boys and a girl) to "go play with Glen."  She never made previous arrangements with my mother; her children just showed up at our door and in most cases had not even been fed breakfast.  My mother was such a kind-heart.ed person she would never turn children away.

One morning, just the little girl (age 3) arrived at our front door.  I was delighted because it gave me someone to play with.  I had just received a small pair of scissors and sometime during the day decided that a good game to play would be "barber".  Since I owned the scissors I was the barber. This little girl had beautiful long hair that reached almost to her shoulders.  When we finished playing barber she was almost bald.

My, what an explosion. When the mother returned home that afternoon she stormed over to our home and screamed at my mother, "You did not protect and take care of my daughter. She is almost bald and I'm going to sue you."  My mother just smiled and said, "Since you feel that way I will not tend your children anymore in the future."  Don't send them to my house because I won't let them in."  The sister-in-law suddenly realized that she had just lost a free baby sitter.  She started to "cool down"  but my mother just shut the door.  I don't recall my mother ever speaking to this sister-in-law again.

My recent physical Exam

I have loved my wife for 62 years.  I love her more than I can express.  She loves me most of the time.  She is, however a real comic.  An example of her humor follows.

Recently, it has been very difficult for me to do those things that in the past were easy to do. For this reason, thought it would be wise to get a complete physical exam.  After the exam and as I was dressing, the doctor was giving my wife the results of the exam.

“your husband is suffering from a very serious stress disorder.

“If you don’t follow these instruction, he will surely die:

“Each morning fix him a healthy breakfast.

“Be pleasant at all times regardless of what he is or isn’t doing.

“For lunch make him a nutritious meal.

“For dinner prepare him an exciting new type of meal.

“No chores, no nagging.

“Give him lots of love and affection.

“Oh yes, and let him catch you on occasion, when he chases you.

“Do this for the next year and he’ll regain his health completely”

As we were walking out of the clinic, I asked my wife what the doctor had said?

She replied, “he said you were going to die.”

All About Food

Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother’s house.  Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served.  When little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away.  “Johnny! please wait until we say our prayer,” said his mother.  “I don’t need to,” the boy replied.  “of course, you do” his mother insisted.  “We always say a prayer before eating at our house.”  “That’s at our house,” Johnny explained.  “But this is Grandma’s house and she knows how to cook.”

************************

My father was over weight and wanted desperately to loose some of this weight.  He read an ad in the newspaper that you could loose weight if you ate 12 bananas each day.  Since he operated a small grocery store, twelve bananas a day were available. After a week he had gained five pounds.  After two weeks he had gained twelve pounds. 

My mother commented on his weight gain and wanted to know why.  My father confessed about eating  12 bananas each day.  After my mother stopped her hysterical laughing, she explained that this meant that you ate nothing but twelve bananas each day.  My father had continued eating his three large meals plus the twelve bananas.  So much for the banana diet in our family.

Marriage is Forever

I try to attend my church at least once a week.  This week the minister gave a lesson in which he said that it was his feeling that a married couple on earth would continue that relationship in heaven.

A sister in the class quickly raised her hand and said, “I think you must be talking about hell.  It will be hell if I have to be married to my present husband throughout all Eternity.”

The minister replied, “I feel that the decision to continue as a married couple in heaven will have to be a mutual decision.  We will not be forced into a relationship against our will.”

I thought that this made sense.  After I returned home that Sunday morning, I related the class discussion to my wife.  I then asked her if she would like to continue our marriage in Heaven.  She briefly hesitated and then said, “Let me think about it.”

AS far as I know, she’s still thinking

Ear Dropper

Background

Early in the nineteenth century, all telephones were on a private line.  That is, one line extended from the telephone office to one phone.  This satisfied the people who lived close to the telephone office.  However a large portion of the population lived in the suburbs or on farms. So, the telephone companies started selling telephone service on party lines. A party line was a single line but with a multiple number of subscribers located along the party line.  (This number was usually five or six). Everyone was happy.  New telephone customers could now enjoy telephone service at a reasonable cost.  “Ma Bell” was happy because business increased.

However, there were a few problems that developed.

First. Whenever a phone call was placed for any subscribers on the party line, all of the other phones on that party line would ring.  So there was some confusion about whom the call was intended.  That was solved by assigning each phone on the line with a different number of rings.  Phone #1 received 1 ring; phone #2 received 2 rings etc.  However, this required all the subscribers to count the number of rings for each call.  Also, this wrecked havoc for subscribers that enjoyed a daily nap or for calls that occurred during the night.

Second. When the party line was already in use, if any of the other subscribers to that line picked up their own phone they could hear and participate in the conversation.  For many, this was a cultural fixture of rural areas and was frequently used as a source of entertainment and gossip as well as a means of quickly alerting entire neighborhoods in case of emergencies.  For others, this was nothing but eavesdropping heaven.  Any secret told on the party line would just as well be published in the local weekly newspaper.

With the above background, let me tell you a story of my Aunt Tilley who was a subscriber on a five subscriber Party Line.  Each time she heard the correct number of rings and answered the phone, she could hear in the background four faint clicks that indicated all four of the remaining subscribers had lifted their phone and wanted to hear the latest news involving Aunt Tilley.  When this occurred, Aunt Tilley would say rather forcefully. “Please get off the line, you know this call is not for you.”

One afternoon, my mom and I were visiting Aunt Tilley when the phone rang.  Immediately after she had said hello, she could hear the four clicks.  Before she could say a word, Aunt Tilley’s youngest fifteen year old grand daughter started crying and saying she was in terrible trouble.  She then announced that she was afraid she was pregnant.  At this time Aunt Tilley could hear four gasps in the background and she lost it.

“You damnable eardroppers” she screamed.  (She meant to say eavesdroppers but was so angry she couldn’t remember the word).  “If one word of this call becomes public, I’m coming after each one of you and you will suffer.  I know who you are and where you live.”  In the background she heard four clicks.

It was a sad moment, but in the future it became a family joke.  The little naive granddaughter had allowed her first boy friend to kiss her and thought that caused pregnancy.  Don’t Believe this?  Remember this occurred in the early 1900’s.  The word eardropper became a standard in our family.

The all-neighborhood telephone

When I was a youngster, my father purchased a Telephone and we were the first family in our neighborhood to have a real, live, installed telephone. Word that the Hatch’s had a telephone quickly spread throughout the neighborhood.  Because of this “firstness” our Telephone soon became an all-neighborhood telephone.

It all began several days after the installation when a neighbor appeared at our front door and said in an embarrassed, humble voice, “I have a real emergency, may I use your phone?”  A day or two later a different neighbor also had an emergency and wanted to use our phone. The number of emergencies increased daily along with requests to use our telephone to solve such emergencies.  Since there was a strong tradition in the West of helping “neighbors in need,” and since my mother would never refuse to help anyone, the answer was always “certainly”.

Soon after, all of our neighbors that used our home phone, started to inform a few of their friends and family that they could be reached in emergencies by calling a certain telephone number. That number was of course, ours.   We started to receive telephone calls requesting to talk to Sybil Jones.  Sybil lived two houses down the street.  Mother would always reply, “Hold on, I’ll go and get Sybil. The number of phone calls to and from our single phone soon reached record setting numbers. We should have been  awarded the “Ma Bell” plaque for the highest number of “to & from” phone calls through a single phone.

This hugh increase in the number of telephone calls handled required my Mom to hire a runner to take messages to and from other homes in the neighborhood.  I was that runner. I was delighted.  I was now being paid 10 cents a week to rush to a neighbors house and inform them that they were wanted on the phone.  I used this 10 cents to buy a ticket to the Saturday matinee at the local theater.  I suggested to Mom that we should charge a small fee for the use of our Neighborhood telephone.  My reasoning was that I could then receive 20 cents a week which would enable me to buy a bag of popcorn when I was at the weekly matinee.  Mom vetoed my suggestion.

Evidently she was right.  Our neighborhood phone operation continued for only a few months.  By increasing the volume of phones being produced and decreasing the cost of phones and service, more telephones began to appear in our neighborhood.  The market for an all-neighborhood service disappeared.

 Even though the life of this business enterprise was very brief, it still deserves to be listed on the list of great businesses that developed from the invention of the telephone.  I believe that this is the reason the latest telephone is called the “Smart Phone.”

The Step-out, Step-in Quandry

When I was young, my mother and father had a weekly Saturday night date.  They very seldom missed this date.  It consisted of parking their car early in the evening in front of the town’s movie theater. They would then watch and comment on every person that entered or left the theater, and also those that who just walked by.

Their comments went something like this:  “Do you know that fellow?  Yes, He’s Maude James’ son.  Is he the one that was sent to prison last year?  Yes, he was released early because of good behavior.  Do you know that young women?  Yes she’s the Goodrich girl who had to marry the Olson boy.”

I sat in the back seat of the car eating an ice-cream cone and only half listening to the conversation in the front seat.

But I do remember one comment above all others.  I suppose I remember it because I was completely confused by the answer.  A young women who was obviously going to become a mother in the near future walked by and my father asked, “Do you know that young women?  Yes, her parents are Mable and Mike Majors.  Who did she marry?  She’s not married; She just stepped-out of her step-ins one time to many.

It was several years later that I finally understood what my mom meant by her answer.

My Birthday

One of my daughters recently suggested that I should start writing a blog.  She thought it would give me something to do in my retirement years.  Since I had never before heard the word “blog”, I imagined that this was a new word describing a blocked sewer line.  Why would I want to write about that? The daughter quickly explained that a blog was an analysis of some kind or a story or an opinion or a joke or just about any subject that someone would like to share with the world and could do so by publishing it as a blog on the internet. 

                                                                 

Well, I thought I could do that.  I’m chock full of jokes (some of them are acceptable in public) and opinions.  (My dear wife thinks that most of my opinions are incorrect).  I’m also chock full of suggestions (mainly for the Congress and the President). These have all been ignored.  Perhaps a blog will provide me with a method for forcing the President and Congress to at lease read some of my good opinions and suggestions.

However, I will start this blog with an account of my birth which occurred on 4 July 1930, almost 83 years ago.

I was born in the family home located in a small town in Eastern Utah.  Women didn’t go to the hospital to have babies in those days.  In fact, I don’t think this town even had a hospital.  When my mother began labor, a messenger was sent to request the family doctor come to our home.  He never arrived.  The birth was quickly reaching a crisis stage and my uncle, who lived across the street from us, said he would find  the doctor.  My uncle told me later in life that he had found the doctor in the back yard of his home with several of his cronies.  They were celebrating the July 4^th holiday and were all totally drunk.  When my uncle had delivered the emergency message, the doctor mumbled: “I don’t deliver babies on holidays.” 

My uncle, being a large man, grabbed the doctor by the nape of his neck and said, “You’re going to deliver this baby even if I have to drag you by your heels.  He made the doctor walk to our home hoping that the walk would help sober him.

Well, I have always been a bit embarrassed when friends (?) hear this story.  Their typical comment was, “now we understand why you’re so strange.”  I have to keep reminding them, and myself, that the whole nation celebrates my birth.