The Kiss

The Kiss

As I have mentioned in previous blogs, there were some advantages to attending a small high school.
It was possible to participate in any of the schools activities.  All that was required was to be breathing fairly regularly.

Our high school (long ago replaced by a new building) had a unique auditorium.  The seating was normal, but at the front of the seating was an orchestra pit.  Beyond that, was a full size basketball court.  This floor was also used for such school event as musicals, thespian productions, sports activities, graduation exercises or as a podium for visiting dignitaries. There were curtains that could be drawn to create a background for these events.  For basketball games the curtains were completely withdrawn. 

During my senior year in high school I decided to participate in several stage plays that were produced by Mrs. Oaks; the speech, drama, debate and civics teacher.  Not that I had any acting ability, it was just that a body was needed to complete the cast.  With one exception, I cannot remember any of the several plays in which I performed.  However, that one exception was a real doozy that I will always remember.

As usual, I had a fairly minor role.  I can remember only the final scene.  There were three couples standing on the stage. The main male and female stars were standing at the front center of the stage.
Then two of the minor couples were standing on the back sides of the stage.  At the end of the final scene, all three of these couples were to kiss. I was a partner in one of the minor couples.  As the time for the kiss fast approached, the devil started to place unrighteous thoughts in my mind.  Such thoughts as: "I'm going to make this an honest Hollywood type kiss."  After all, I had worked as a projectionist at the local movie theater and I had learned all about Hollywood kisses.

So when the time arrived, I grabbed my female partner and gave here a kiss.  The problem was this kiss turned into a long, strait from Hollywood, type kiss.  My female partner was completely surprised.  She quickly started to end this kiss but I just held her tight. She tried to turn her head but I just wouldn't let go.  Some in the audience started to snicker.  This caused the two other couples to turn around to see what was causing the snickering.  The rest of the caste started to peek through the curtain to see what was going on.  Some in the audience started to cheer.  Mrs. Oaks, kept whispering as loud as possible for the front curtain to be closed.  The boy who was the assigned curtain closer was so intrigued with the kiss that he failed to close the curtain.  By now the audience was all standing and cheering at the top of their lungs. My female partner acted as if she was furious.  She was pounding at my ribs and making noises that sound suspiciously like curses. 

I finally brought this kiss to an end when I spotted my partner's boy friend coming down the isle with a  look on his face that was not the least Christian like.  It was time to leave. I released my partner, but had to quickly dodge a wild right attempt to clobber me. I burst through the rear wall of the set, ran across the basketball court and out the back door.  I kept a very low appearance during the rest of the weekend.

I would like to say that I received many date invitations from female classmates.  Actually I received nothing but looks of loathing and contempt during the following week.

Grandpa's wisdom - Aphorism, a short pointed sentence that expresses a wise or clever observation or a general truth.

The nicest thing about the future is . . . that it always starts tomorrow.
Money will buy a fine dog ... but only kindness will make him wag his tail
If you don't have a sense of humor ... you probably don't have any sense at all.
Seat belts are not as confining ... as wheelchairs.
A good time to keep your mouth shut is ... when you're in deep water.
How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark... to become a teenager who
      wants to stay out all night?
Business conventions are important ...  because they demonstrate how many people a company can
      operate without.
Why is it that at class reunions ... you feel younger than everyone else looks?
Scratch a cat (or dog)... and you will have a permanent job.
No one has more driving ambition than the teenage boy (or girl)... who wants to buy a car.
There are no new sins ... the old ones just get more publicity.
There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 a.m. ...like, it could be the right
      number.
No one ever says "It' only a game"...when their team is winning.
I've reached the age where ... "happy hour" is a nap.
Be careful about reading the fine print...there's no way you're going to like it.
The trouble with bucket seats is that ... no everybody has the same size bucket.
Do you realize that, in about 40 years... we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with
     tattoos?
Money can't buy happiness ... but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Cadillac than in a Yugo.
After 60, if you don't wake up aching in every joint ... you're probably dead.
Always be yourself because the people that matter don't mind ... and the ones that mind don't matter.
Life isn't tied with a bow ... but it's still a gift.
Remember, politicians and diapers should be changed often and for the same reason.

Just a Mom

A woman, renewing her driver's license at the County Clerk's office, was asked by the woman recorder to state her occupation.

She hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself.
"What I mean is," explained the recorder, do you have a job or are you just a .  .  .  .  .  ???

"Of course I have a job," snapped the woman, "I'm a Mom."

"We don't list 'Mom' as an occupation.  'housewife' covers it, said the recorder emphatically.

I forgot all about her story until one day I found myself in the same situation, this time at our own Town Hall.  The Clerk was obviously a career woman, poised, efficient, and possessor of a high sounding title like "Official Interrogator" or "Town Registrar".

"What is your occupation?" she probed.

What made me say it?  I do not know .  .  .  the words simply popped out.  "I'm a Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human  Relations."

The clerk paused, ball-point pen frozen in midair, and looked up as though she had not heard right.

I repeated the title slowly emphasizing the most significant words.  Then I stared with wonder as my pronouncement was written, in black ink on the official questionnaire

"Might I ask," said the clerk with a new interest, "just what you do in your field?"

Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice, I heard myself reply.  "I have a continuing program of research (what mother doesn't) in the laboratory and in the field, (normally I would have said indoors and out).  I'm working for Masters (first the Lord and then the whole family) and already have four credits (all daughter).  Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities, ( any mother care to disagree?) and I often work 14 hours a day, (24 is more like it).  But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill career jobs and the rewards are more of a satisfaction rather than just money."

There was an increasing note of respect in the clerk's voice as she completed the form, stood up, and personally ushered me to the door.

As I drove into our driveway, buoyed up by my glamorous new career, I was greeted by my lab assistants - ages 13, 7, and 3.  Upstairs I could hear our new experimental model (a six month old baby boy) in the child development program, testing out a new vocal pattern.  I had scored a beat on bureaucracy!  And I had gone on the official records as someone more distinguished and indispensable to mankind than "just another Mom."

Motherhood!  What a glorious career!  Especially when there's a title on the door.  Does this make grandmothers, "Senior Research Associates in the field of Child Development and Human Relations.

And great grandmothers "Executive Senior Research Associates?"  I think so!!!

I also think it makes Aunts "Associates Research Assistants."

Grandpa's wisdom: I like the about story.  Every mother in the Hatch family ancestry should us these new titles.

Grandpa's humor:

I just read the best BAD NEWS - GOOD NEWS I've seen in a long time.

Bed News: We're being invaded by Martians
Good News: They eat  politicians and Pee Gasoline.

An imperfect memo

 During my first semester at the University of Utah, one of my classes was a  business
communications class.  The professor had made the following statement: "The goal of any written communication is not to assure that the reader understands, but rather to assure that the reader does not misunderstand".  Well, Duh, that seemed like an obvious statement.  Am I spending $92.00 per semester to be taught the obvious.

But, shortly after the class, I remembered an experience that occurred during my senior year in high school that confirmed the wisdom of the professor's statement.

Joan, (my very special girlfriend) and I were discussing during a Friday night date, what we could do the next day that would be exciting.  I suggested that we drive to Steamboat Springs, Colorado and spend the day at their Olympic size swimming pool. Dick, my cousin and his girl friend thought the idea was great and we all arranged to go the next day which was Saturday.

 Joan obtained approval from her mother to use her car for this trip with the promise that she would return on the same day.  However, Dick and his girlfriend backed out on Friday night. But Joan and I decided to move on with these great and glorious plans.   Steamboat Springs is 166 miles from Vernal. We decided to leave early Saturday morning so we could spend most of the day swimming and enjoying the sun.

When I returned home after my Friday night date with Joan, my mother was already sound asleep.  I wrote a note to her telling her my plans for the next day.  The note read: "Mom, Joan and I are going to Steamboat Springs and we'll be back tomorrow night".  Mom didn't realize that I had written the not the night before and "tomorrow night" referred to Saturday. 

The following morning mother arose early and quickly spotted the note.  After reading the note, she immediately broke into a mother's protection mode.  She screamed at my dad to wake up.  "Glen and Joan have gone to Colorado and won't be back until tomorrow.  That means they will be sleeping together somewhere in Colorado."  In a panic she called Joan's mother asking what she knew about our plans.  Joan's mother reassured her that we were good kids and would be back unscathed today.

Meanwhile, there was bad news when we reached Steamboat Spring.  The swimming pool was closed for an annual maintenance.  All entrances to the pool were securely locked.  Since we had left Vernal very early in the morning it was only 8:30 a.m.  What do we do now.  After a short discussion we did what any teen-agers would do.  We decided to drive on to Denver, another 180 miles.  When we reached Denver, we did absolutely nothing.  We drove the length of Colfax Ave. through Denver and then stopped for gasoline and turned around and started home.  Holy Moly, I'm embarrassed to enter this blog.  I can't believe I was such a stupid teen-ager. 

When I entered the house late that evening, my mother was still waiting for me.  I received a prolonged lecture about how I had caused her unmerciful misery.  I said, "But mom, I left you a note that said we would be home tomorrow.  We then discussed further whether tomorrow meant Saturday or Sunday.  However mom was so relieved for my return with my virtue still intact she soon forgave me.

One final note: Joan and I thoroughly enjoyed that long day.  We were together for almost twenty-four hours and it was wonderful. 

Grandpa's humor  -  For those who have spend too much time in a doctor's office.

Kevin walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had.  Kevin said: 'Shingles.'  So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.

Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Kevin what he had ....  Kevin said, 'Shingles.'
So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told Kevin to wait in the examining room.

A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Kevin what he had.  Kevin said 'Shingles'.  So the nurse gave Kevin a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Kevin to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.

An hour later the doctor came in and found Kevin sitting patiently in the nude and asked Kevin what he had.

Kevin said 'Shingles.'  The doctor asked where?'

Kevin said "outside on the truck  Where do you want me to unload 'em??

You might be a Mormon

If all your dishes have your name written on them with masking tape.
If you postdate your checks while shopping on Sunday.
If you believe Heck is the place for people who do not believe in gosh.
If your Mom was pregnant at your sister's wedding reception.
If you pray that your food might "nourish and strengthen your body" before eating doughnuts.
If you think Jell-O is one of the basic food groups.
If at least one of your salad bowls is at a neighbor's house.

Have a happy day!