17 year old, 1947
High school basketball season was over. Once again we failed to win the district title. It was still an enjoyable season because I was one of the starting guards on the team. After the basketball season was over, the football coach asked me to "try out" for the football team. Since only about 15 players had tried out for the football team, the football coach desperately needed more members on the team. He convinced me that I was all-state material as an end. I thought that was a fairly accurate analysis so I agreed to try out for the team.
Because all of the high schools in our district had limited student enrollment, the district played 6-man football rather than 11-man football. These six men consisted of the center and two ends on the line and the quarter back and two running backs behind the line.
Two memories of the "try-out" are still imbedded deeply in my mind even after sixty-five years. The coach divided his "squad" into two lines facing each other. These lines were about ten yards apart. When the coach blew his whistle the players at the front of each line would run together at top speed with one objective in mind - KILL! If you couldn't kill then you should certainly maim. After this collision was over, each player staggered to the end of the line to anxiously await his turn to repeat another collision. It was jolly good fun and brought out all the praiseworthy football character traits such as gouging and kicking and spitting and cussing.
Actually, I only had to survive about three of these collisions, because I found myself lying on the ground suffering from severe "charley horses" (in both legs at the same time). I wanted to scream in pain but intuitively knew that football players are not supposed to scream. They just lie there and "suck it up".
That was only the beginning. The coach informed us that during the length of the football season we were to live a very Spartan life. I didn't know what that meant but it sounded romantic. He continued his instructions and informed us that we could not eat ice cream or date girls and we had to be in bed by 9:00 p.m. (our own beds). I'm not kidding. It was OK to talk to girls but only in the hallway between class changes.
Well I proudly survived "try-outs" and was now an official member of the Uintah High School football team. It was at this time that a terrifying thought came into my mind. Basketball season had lasted about four months. Football season would now last about two months. This meant that for the final two months of my senior year in high school, I couldn't date Joan. Even more serious, I couldn't eat ice cream. A decision was required. I could seek fame and fortune on the football field at Uintah High School or I could date Joan and eat ice cream. I made my choice in about one Nano-second and took an early retirement from football.
GRANDPA'S WISDOM
Making correct decisions in this life is very important. Following are some bad decisions that can result in severe consequences:
Pick up a mountain lion cub because you don't see the mother around.
Pull a squirt gun on a Los Angeles cop for a joke.
Wear white linen to a barbecue.
Offer to carry a nervous Arab's suitcase on an airplane.
Underestimate the length of your Bungee cord.
Remember, marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
Another "Stella Award"
A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania, $113,500. after she slipped on a soft drink and broke her tailbone. The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boy friend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.
That's when the fight began:
I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.
I take my wife everywhere --- but she keeps finding her way back.
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
Friday, July 12, 2013
High School Basketball
15 years old. - 1945
In my Sophomore year in high school, I tried out and made the junior varsity basketball team. I not only made the team but was a starting guard. I thought I was on the verge of becoming the next great "basketball player in the NBA."
In reality, I was not a very good athlete. In a small high school, it was possible to participate in most any activity i.e. sports, school plays, debate team and school government. The only requirement needed was that you were breathing fairly regularly. But it was a fun experience and making the team was great for my ego. It was fun traveling to the other high schools in the district. The junior varsity games were played prior to the varsity game.
Several of the schools in the district did not have a full size basketball gym. Alterra High School not only had a small gym but the basketball hoop at one end of the floor was hung directly on the wall. This meant that if a player was driving for a basket he would shoot the ball and then in the same motion extend both hands to protect himself from crashing face first into the wall. Also in this wall was a set of double-doors located directly under the hoop.
Albert Lopez, one of the stars on the varsity team, had stolen the ball and was driving at full speed for a lay-up He shot the ball and then quickly extended his hands and hit the set of doors at top speed. The doors crashed open and Albert went speeding out into the parking lot. Since this occurred during the winter, and the parking lot was unpaved there was nothing but mud. Albert rolled over a couple of times and then ended up on his rear-end. He was literally covered with mud from head to foot and his uniform was so muddy, you couldn't tell for which team he was playing. The game was halted while Albert was taken into the dressing room and washed down with a hose. A new uniform was obtained from one of the junior basketball team players and the game was eventually continued. What a humorous event. I still laugh whenever I think of an event that occurred almost sixty years ago. I guess I'll die laughing.
The Stella Awards -
The Stella Awards are named after 81 year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonald's. That case inspired the Stella Award for the most frivolous, ridiculous, successful lawsuits in the United States.
This weeks Stella Award -
Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded $80,000, by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandable surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving little toddle was Ms.. Robertson's son.
I'm helping my neighbor solve his problems:
He reports that he takes his wife everywhere but she keeps finding her way back.
He says they always hold hands. If he lets go, she shops.
He says his wife told him the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor When he asked were the car was; she told him "In the lake.".
Grandpa's wisdom: Things I've learned in my old age:
Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
In my Sophomore year in high school, I tried out and made the junior varsity basketball team. I not only made the team but was a starting guard. I thought I was on the verge of becoming the next great "basketball player in the NBA."
In reality, I was not a very good athlete. In a small high school, it was possible to participate in most any activity i.e. sports, school plays, debate team and school government. The only requirement needed was that you were breathing fairly regularly. But it was a fun experience and making the team was great for my ego. It was fun traveling to the other high schools in the district. The junior varsity games were played prior to the varsity game.
Several of the schools in the district did not have a full size basketball gym. Alterra High School not only had a small gym but the basketball hoop at one end of the floor was hung directly on the wall. This meant that if a player was driving for a basket he would shoot the ball and then in the same motion extend both hands to protect himself from crashing face first into the wall. Also in this wall was a set of double-doors located directly under the hoop.
Albert Lopez, one of the stars on the varsity team, had stolen the ball and was driving at full speed for a lay-up He shot the ball and then quickly extended his hands and hit the set of doors at top speed. The doors crashed open and Albert went speeding out into the parking lot. Since this occurred during the winter, and the parking lot was unpaved there was nothing but mud. Albert rolled over a couple of times and then ended up on his rear-end. He was literally covered with mud from head to foot and his uniform was so muddy, you couldn't tell for which team he was playing. The game was halted while Albert was taken into the dressing room and washed down with a hose. A new uniform was obtained from one of the junior basketball team players and the game was eventually continued. What a humorous event. I still laugh whenever I think of an event that occurred almost sixty years ago. I guess I'll die laughing.
The Stella Awards -
The Stella Awards are named after 81 year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonald's. That case inspired the Stella Award for the most frivolous, ridiculous, successful lawsuits in the United States.
This weeks Stella Award -
Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded $80,000, by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandable surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving little toddle was Ms.. Robertson's son.
I'm helping my neighbor solve his problems:
He reports that he takes his wife everywhere but she keeps finding her way back.
He says they always hold hands. If he lets go, she shops.
He says his wife told him the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor When he asked were the car was; she told him "In the lake.".
Grandpa's wisdom: Things I've learned in my old age:
Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
The war became more personal
The war continues:
The war in Europe against Germany and the war in the Pacific against Japan continues to grind on. More and more gold stars appear in windows throughout the community. One of those stars particularly affected me. Word was received that Howard Manwaring had been killed in action in the invasion of Okinawa.
Howard was my hero. I was in the eighth grade when Howard was a senior in high school. Our high school, (Uintah High School), had won the region basketball championship. Howard was one of the stars on that team.
During the war, the state tournaments for football and basketball had been discontinued. So regions had been established throughout the state. Uintah High School won our region.
One time when I was fourteen years old, I was playing basketball with some friends on the school yard after school. Howard came along and wanted to play with us. Here was this high school senior who had recently been the star of the team that won the region championship and he wanted to play with a bunch of fourteen year old boys. We were all honored. He chose me and said that the two of us would play against the other four or five boys. I was so impressed that he wanted to play with younger boys and even more impressed that he had chosen me to be on his team.
The day after he graduated from high school, Howard joined the Marines. A few months later he was killed in action during the invasion of Okinawa.
At that early age I became aware of the stupidity and uselessness of wars. Unfortunately, the few that cause wars seldom have to personally participate in the wars they create.
Grandpa's creative writing awards.
The best lengthy vampire romance sentence - Slowly, wordlessly, Della gazed into Edwin's dark eyes and wondered if a human could ever learn to live with a vampire, and Edwin ... solemnly, deliberately, without any discernible movement ... looked into Della's eyes and wondered if his family would ever accept a mortal, while Jason, in the audience, looked at his watch again and wondered if an occasional bubble screen pass to the running back would help eliminate the predictability of the Colt's offense. - Richard Nash
The Best Reality Check sentence. - Upon reaching middle age he found that he cold afford to eat pizza anytime that he wanted, only to find that he could not afford to eat pizza anytime that he wanted. - Al Syers
The Best Happiest Dilemma sentence - The question in the village was not so much who would marry merry Mary as who would merry Mary marry? - Robert Layton
The Best Sweepstakes winner - Josh had committed the perfect murder . . . no witnesses, no known links to the victim, an air-tight alibi with dozens of highly respected people, and the victim's body disposed of inside an active volcano ... and he was absolutely certain that he would get away with it, according to his twitter.
latest tweet. Mark Vernon
The war in Europe against Germany and the war in the Pacific against Japan continues to grind on. More and more gold stars appear in windows throughout the community. One of those stars particularly affected me. Word was received that Howard Manwaring had been killed in action in the invasion of Okinawa.
Howard was my hero. I was in the eighth grade when Howard was a senior in high school. Our high school, (Uintah High School), had won the region basketball championship. Howard was one of the stars on that team.
During the war, the state tournaments for football and basketball had been discontinued. So regions had been established throughout the state. Uintah High School won our region.
One time when I was fourteen years old, I was playing basketball with some friends on the school yard after school. Howard came along and wanted to play with us. Here was this high school senior who had recently been the star of the team that won the region championship and he wanted to play with a bunch of fourteen year old boys. We were all honored. He chose me and said that the two of us would play against the other four or five boys. I was so impressed that he wanted to play with younger boys and even more impressed that he had chosen me to be on his team.
The day after he graduated from high school, Howard joined the Marines. A few months later he was killed in action during the invasion of Okinawa.
At that early age I became aware of the stupidity and uselessness of wars. Unfortunately, the few that cause wars seldom have to personally participate in the wars they create.
Grandpa's creative writing awards.
The best lengthy vampire romance sentence - Slowly, wordlessly, Della gazed into Edwin's dark eyes and wondered if a human could ever learn to live with a vampire, and Edwin ... solemnly, deliberately, without any discernible movement ... looked into Della's eyes and wondered if his family would ever accept a mortal, while Jason, in the audience, looked at his watch again and wondered if an occasional bubble screen pass to the running back would help eliminate the predictability of the Colt's offense. - Richard Nash
The Best Reality Check sentence. - Upon reaching middle age he found that he cold afford to eat pizza anytime that he wanted, only to find that he could not afford to eat pizza anytime that he wanted. - Al Syers
The Best Happiest Dilemma sentence - The question in the village was not so much who would marry merry Mary as who would merry Mary marry? - Robert Layton
The Best Sweepstakes winner - Josh had committed the perfect murder . . . no witnesses, no known links to the victim, an air-tight alibi with dozens of highly respected people, and the victim's body disposed of inside an active volcano ... and he was absolutely certain that he would get away with it, according to his twitter.
latest tweet. Mark Vernon
Sunday, July 7, 2013
Exit from the Boy Scouts
While I was a Boy Scout I only went to one real honest to goodness Boy Scout camp. After that I was invited to not attend any future camps. And all because the inhabitants of our tent didn't outline the path to our tent with rocks. We felt that anyone who got close enough to our tent to see it, should be able to reach the door of the tent without the path being outlined with rocks.
I was staying in a tent with my cousin, Dick Hullinger, and my next door neighbor, Jim Montgomery. The camp was located in a beautiful national forest and the camp was about the size of a football field. Someone had built a log fence completely around the campsite. This fence wove through and around the trees and was about six feet high. Since the fence was built of logs in a horizontal arrangement we soon discovered that it was fun to walk along the top of the fence. We invented all kinds of games to play as we walked around the top of the entire fence. We soon started to use our timing watch to determine who could walk the fastest around the fence. It was even more fun to attempt to knock each other off the fence.
There were about five troops involved in this particular scout camp. Each troop was in competition with the other troops in such events as sports, map reading, building towers, and most important, camp cleanliness. We had a very good troop and were in a tight race for the total camp championship. All the scouts in our troop had been warned that it was very important each morning to roll up our sleeping bags and pick up any garbage in and around our tents. As a final touch that would ensure that our troop would win the championship, we were to outline the path to our tent door with a border of rocks.
On the final day of the camp, Jim, Dick and I prepared our breakfast of delivcous corn flakes. We had been arguing about who was the best fence walker. We knew that we should be outlining our path but felt that we had enough time to determine once and for all who was the best. Out of our tent and onto the fence we climbed leaving behind unrolled sleeping bags, dirty dishes, and no rocks along the path.
When we returned some twenty minutes later, there was our scout master, our troop leaders, and the second counselor in the Bishopric. They did not seem happy to see us and told us in unchristian like terms, that we were three slobs. They said we had disgraced the troop. While we were gone, the camp inspectors had inspected our tent. They said we had reached a new level of slovenliness. One of our pristine troop members said that if cleanliness is next to Godliness, then slovenliness is next to Satan. We were the cause of our troop not winning the grand championship. We were declared persona non grata at next years scout camp. It was several years before I finally learned what persona non grata meant. But I had a pretty good idea.
I guess if there is a moral to this story it is: When your camp leader tells you to put rocks along the path, don't look at him like he has rocks in his head; just do it. Some tunes you can hum while doing this are: Rock of Ages, I am a Rock, I"m caught between a rock and a hard place; Rock A Bye Baby; and We will, we will rock you.
Grandpa's health advice -
Yesterday I went to the doctor for my yearly physical. My blood pressure was high. My cholesterol was high. I'd gained some weight and I didn't feel so hot.
My doctor said eating right doesn't have to be complicated and it would solve most physical problems. He said: "Just think in colors. Fill you plate with bright colors. Try some greens, oranges, reds, maybe something yellow, etc."
So I went right home and ate an entire bowl of
M & M's
And, Sure Enough.
I felt better immediately!! I never knew eating right could be so easy!!
Now stay healthy, eat your colors and have a nice day.
I was staying in a tent with my cousin, Dick Hullinger, and my next door neighbor, Jim Montgomery. The camp was located in a beautiful national forest and the camp was about the size of a football field. Someone had built a log fence completely around the campsite. This fence wove through and around the trees and was about six feet high. Since the fence was built of logs in a horizontal arrangement we soon discovered that it was fun to walk along the top of the fence. We invented all kinds of games to play as we walked around the top of the entire fence. We soon started to use our timing watch to determine who could walk the fastest around the fence. It was even more fun to attempt to knock each other off the fence.
There were about five troops involved in this particular scout camp. Each troop was in competition with the other troops in such events as sports, map reading, building towers, and most important, camp cleanliness. We had a very good troop and were in a tight race for the total camp championship. All the scouts in our troop had been warned that it was very important each morning to roll up our sleeping bags and pick up any garbage in and around our tents. As a final touch that would ensure that our troop would win the championship, we were to outline the path to our tent door with a border of rocks.
On the final day of the camp, Jim, Dick and I prepared our breakfast of delivcous corn flakes. We had been arguing about who was the best fence walker. We knew that we should be outlining our path but felt that we had enough time to determine once and for all who was the best. Out of our tent and onto the fence we climbed leaving behind unrolled sleeping bags, dirty dishes, and no rocks along the path.
When we returned some twenty minutes later, there was our scout master, our troop leaders, and the second counselor in the Bishopric. They did not seem happy to see us and told us in unchristian like terms, that we were three slobs. They said we had disgraced the troop. While we were gone, the camp inspectors had inspected our tent. They said we had reached a new level of slovenliness. One of our pristine troop members said that if cleanliness is next to Godliness, then slovenliness is next to Satan. We were the cause of our troop not winning the grand championship. We were declared persona non grata at next years scout camp. It was several years before I finally learned what persona non grata meant. But I had a pretty good idea.
I guess if there is a moral to this story it is: When your camp leader tells you to put rocks along the path, don't look at him like he has rocks in his head; just do it. Some tunes you can hum while doing this are: Rock of Ages, I am a Rock, I"m caught between a rock and a hard place; Rock A Bye Baby; and We will, we will rock you.
Grandpa's health advice -
Yesterday I went to the doctor for my yearly physical. My blood pressure was high. My cholesterol was high. I'd gained some weight and I didn't feel so hot.
My doctor said eating right doesn't have to be complicated and it would solve most physical problems. He said: "Just think in colors. Fill you plate with bright colors. Try some greens, oranges, reds, maybe something yellow, etc."
So I went right home and ate an entire bowl of
M & M's
And, Sure Enough.
I felt better immediately!! I never knew eating right could be so easy!!
Now stay healthy, eat your colors and have a nice day.
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